Jaime Burke : Halloween Horror Nights XVII

SeaWorld's Halloween Spooktacular features family-friendly frights

Jaime Burke — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 01:00:00 GMT

Picking up where I left off with Tuesday's article ...

Apparently suffering from terrible nightmares that featured some of New Line Cinema's best -- Jason, Freddie and Leatherface -- has one redeeming quality. Mr. Hill got a little sick of hearing me whine about the long-lasting psychological damage caused by my recent visit to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Florida. He suggested that perhaps I could - well - get over it (as if the mental anguish of seeing those day-glo clowns on crucifixes will fade so easily!) by visiting yet another Orlando theme park's Halloween festivities.

The conversation went more or less as follows:

Jaime: What exactly are you smoking? I've just gotten my first undisturbed night of rest in eight days!

Jim: Five words: Anheuser-Busch and Sesame Street.

Jaime: Ok, I'm in. When?

Copyright 2007 Anheuser-Busch Entertainment Corporation. All Rights Reserved

So I'm easily convinced. But really, those are some pretty magical words there. I was picturing an "Avenue Q" of drunken puppet debauchery. But instead we visited SeaWorld's "Halloween Spooktacular." Which was almost as good. Actually, even better. If you consider the fact that I, rather than the puppets, was drinking the beer.

In comparison to the rest of the Orlando theme parks, SeaWorld is very low-key. Anheuser-Busch is the sponsor of the park, and my favorite way to wile away some time is at the SeaWorld Hospitality Center's "Brewmaster Club" -- the complimentary VIP beer tasting. At each tasting (And you can visit once per day. More if you wear a disguise), you can sample four different beers (or other Anheuser-Busch beverages) with a small food pairing.

The Hospitality Center is also home to the endless streams of beer. At least eighteen taps of beer, from your basic Bud & Bud Light to the more adventurous Red Hook & Bare Knuckle Stout. Each guest over the age of twenty-one can sample two of these beers, complements of Anheuser-Busch. *

After sampling some of the best-tasting food/beer combinations that I've had recently, we decided to start our "Spooktacular" fun. SeaWorld's "Main Street" (i.e. that section of the park that stretches from the Dolphin Cove area all the way over to Shamu's Happy Harbor) is currently decorated like an underwater "fantasea" come to life. Children (and sugar-happy twenty-somethings) can trick-or-treat from one candy-station to the next amidst sea creatures like pumpkin fish, sea witches, octopi and mermaids before they finally end up in SeaWorld's "Frozen Fun Zone." Jack Frost is "Frozen Fun Zone's" DJ, playing classic and current hits. Covering anything from "YMCA" to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" while a polar bear dances with the crowd.

The real draw of Spooktacular, though, is the puppets. More specifically, the Sesame Street "Countdown to Halloween" show. Starring Count von Count, the show features toe-tapping musical numbers including "Transylvania 1-2-3-4-5" and classic Halloween hits like "Monster Mash."

As an old-school Muppet fan, I was hoping for an up-close-and-personal with Grover, or maybe even Big Bird.To my dismay (and to most of the audience's distinct pleasure), my favorite Sesame Street characters were shunted aside in favor of the hottest Monster on the block - Elmo!

To be fair, the age of the average audience member was possibly six. And really, Big Bird might have hesitated visiting a park where every third guest seemed to be carrying a Big Bird-sized turkey leg.

But that said, it still doesn't excuse the rug rats in the audience for screaming like frenzied Beatles fans when Elmo took the stage. The show concludes with a quick Sesame Street meet & greet. At which, being the tallest person in the group by three feet, and the oldest non-parent by ... oh… <cough> twenty years <cough> I was promptly ignored in favor of excited three-year-olds.

"Countdown to Halloween" is cute. And two-to-six year olds or die-hard Sesame Street fans will enjoy it. Unfortunately, compared to my memories of the television program (which, being honest, I haven't regularly watched in years), it seemed dumbed-down. There was no snappy Ernie & Bert dialogue, no entertaining comments from Oscar the Grouch. Mind you, I wasn't actually expecting a Broadway-caliber production. But I was hoping for at least a few of those jokes that just the adults get, which then go sailing right over the heads of the preschool crowd. Overall, it wasn't the worst theme-park show that I've ever seen. But it was far from the best.

SeaWorld's Halloween Spooktacular is included as part of your standard admission and takes place during normal operating hours. Other Halloween-themed entertainment includes street performers and a children's music concert series featuring groups like "The Dirty Sock Funtime Band" & "Hot Peas & Butter." Costumes are welcome, and guests that were dressed up on the day that I visited the park ranged in age from toddler right up to senior citizen.

The atmosphere here was extremely relaxed and low-pressure. Which was a welcome relief to the "go-go-go" stresses that one encounters at those after-hours hard ticket Halloween events at the other Orlando theme parks. Even without the "puppet and beer" inducement, I'd definitely go back again next year.

Hey … Maybe if we start an email campaign now, we can get Big Bird and Grover to come to SeaWorld next Halloween ... It's just a thought.

* Please note that neither Jaime Burke, Jim Hill Media nor Anheuser-Busch encourages over-consumption. Alcohol should be avoided when pregnant or trying to conceive. Please drink and visit theme parks responsibly (We'll talk about Drinking 'Round the World at Epcot later).

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A chicken's eye-view of Halloween Horror Night XVII

Jaime Burke — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 01:00:00 GMT

I'm one of those people who've never quite understood the joy of adrenaline. Skydiving? No. Roller Coasters? If I must. Universal's Halloween Horror Nights XVII? Unfortunately.

Don't get me wrong - Universal did a great job. It's not their fault that I'm a chicken.

This year, Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Nights was the home of eight haunted houses. Each sported painfully long lines (an hour or more at each), so I'd recommend taking their 'RIP' tour, if possible. It's slightly more expensive than a regular entrance pass, but allows a much more efficient use of time, which is crucial if you want to see all eight houses. Also, because the RIP pass includes a tour-guide with Horror Nights experience, it can present a more well-rounded view of the event than just touring the houses on their own could.

This year's Halloween Horror Nights theme was Jack's Carnival of Carnage - hosted by Jack Schmidt, the evil clown, with featured guests Jason Voorhees, Freddie Krueger, and Leatherface. Each of the "special guests" is on loan from New Line Cinema, and featured in their own house.

Now again, keep in mind that as a chicken, my experience with horror movies is limited to the bits and pieces that I was forced to watch during grade school slumber parties. I'm sure anyone with more than a vague familiarity with the characters and the movies would have gotten more from the houses than I did. But even with all that, I thought that the "Nightmare on Elm Street - Dreamwalkers" house was cool - and terrifying.

The entrance to the "house" is a medical tent - white plastic, something you'd expect to see in a Michael Crichton/Jurrasic Park type movie. The inside of the tent is filled with a sleeping gas named "Sleepwell," that will provide "better sleep through medication," according to the calming overhead announcer voice as you walk through the tent.

Now presumably asleep, you enter into the front yard of a ramshackle house - lawn overgrown, rusty 1980's style scooter leaning against a tree, paint peeling, shutters askew. Inside the house, strobe light flashes completely disorient you as Freddie Krueger jumps out from around (nearly) every corner. Entering the house, I expected to be scared - but I didn't expect to be quite so impressed by the level of detail of the sets and props. A normal looking room entirely on its side welcomes you to the dream-state; a hall of shredded mattresses hides one Freddie after another; the twists and turns of an old house culminate in a hall of mirrors with Freddie and his victims strategically positioned throughout.

Even better than Nightmare on Elm Street in terms of artistry is another house, "Psychoscareapy 'Home for the Holidays'." The premise of the house is that a group of extremely dangerous psychopaths were allowed to go out caroling during the holidays - and on the way back to the mental hospital, the van they were traveling in crashed - conveniently enough, right into the side of the Shadybrook Rest Community. The deranged patients all escape and take up residence in the rest community.

The house itself starts along the front of the community -- the accident site - with the crashed transport van half emerging from the front of a home. The house itself is decorated for Christmas - lights, snow, plastic Santa figure. As you enter the house, the insanity begins. A disheveled old man wraps a severed head in a towel while dismembered bodies lie nearby. A charred and broken Santa-corpse is crammed into the fireplace. A crazy lady with blood dripping from her mouth chants, "I ate all my turkey" - as the raw turkey sits propped up in the baby's booster seat at the table.

More than Nightmare on Elm Street, Psychoscarepy relies on the acting talent of its cast to terrify. In Nightmare on Elm Street, the combination of blindness from the strobe light flashes, and "boo" type scare techniques are what frightened me. In Psychoscareapy, it was the talent of the 'scareactors' at appearing insane, combined with the blood and gore of the props. That's not to say there weren't any cheap scares in Pscyhoscareapy - just that it wasn't as frequent. I left Nightmare on Elm Street shaking from fear; I left Psychoscareapy trembling from fear but shaking my head in admiration.

The house that scared me the most was Jack Funhouse in Clown-O-Vision. The entire group I was with thought I was crazy for being that frightened over a house featuring - clowns. But personally, I'd rather watch a slasher-type horror movie than a purported comedy/sci-fi/horror like "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." Clowns are my secret biggest fear, and as our tour guide so calmly assured me, the technical name is Coulrophobia, and I apparently share that fear with many others in the world.

Carnival of Carnage is unique because you wear 3-D glasses and the entire house is designed with 3-D clowns in the forefront, blacklight paint, and strobe lights. Preferring to repress those memories as much as possible, I'll just mention that the ceiling of the majority of the house is decorated with iridescent clowns on crucifixes, Jack Schmidt truly is as frightening as he appears in the Haunted Horror Nights commercials, and the exit of the ride is a one-of-a-kind experience.

The other houses included in the Halloween Horror night festivities include:

The Thing: Assimilation - I've never seen the movie, but based on the house, I'm guessing it was similar to Alien. The house wasn't really scary, but also didn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
Friday the 13th: Camp Blood - Wandering through an abandoned Camp Crystal Lake was cool - not that I've seen the movies. If you've ever wondered what a summer-camp looks like in the off-season, this is it - with a few too many Jasons' jumping out trying to kill you.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Flesh Wounds - Growing up in the middle-of-no where, I know what a chainsaw sounds like. And I've used one. To me, it's not terribly scary, but if you're not used to that particular noise, this house could be really frightening. I thought the best part was watching the Chainsaw Attack Squad in front of the building chasing people with the saws.

Vampyr: Blood Bath - Designed to look like a club for the undead, I found the house scary and unpleasant. The haunted house building is extremely small for the amount of stuff they packed in there - and at least when we walked through it, it was hot. The combination feeling of closeness and heat, plus loud club-type music and vampires jumping out every which way made this the haunted house that drew the most scared reaction from me. In fact, the people walking behind me through the house got more of a show watching me be scared than watching the 'scareactors' in the house itself.
Dead Silence: The Curse of Mary Shaw - Based on last year's Universal Picture (which, needless to say, I haven't seen) this house was really beautiful, very artistic, but I couldn't follow the story line. The special effects were really neat, though.

My favorite part of the evening by far, was the Bill & Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure show. "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" is a movie I have seen (the only one of the evening), and the show is a tradition at Halloween Horror Nights, mocking the pop-culture icons of the year. This year's show poked fun at "The Office," "300," "Pirates of the Caribbean : At World's End," "Heroes," Rosie O'Donnell versus The Donald, "Spiderman III," the Geico Cavemen, "Transformers," and of course the big gossip divas of the year - Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears.

Also open during the evening were some of Universal Studios' major attractions - Revenge of the Mummy, Shrek 4-D, Jimmy Neutron's Nicktoon Blast, Earthquake, Jaws, Men in Black: Alien Attack, and Twister. Halloween Horror Nights also features a Freak Show, and this year, a Rocky Horror Picture Show: A Tribute show (sorry, no water guns, toast, rubber gloves or rice allowed).

Overall, make no mistake, Universal's Halloween Horror Nights is not for children (or faint-hearted adults). Costumes and masks are NOT allowed, candy is not distributed, and there is no parade or nighttime spectacular. What you will get is a chance to be scared - or if you're braver than I am, to be impressed at the level of detail put into the houses. Coward though I am, I generally had a good time and while evil clowns and demented dream-walkers will haunt my dreams for a few more months (ok, I'm exaggerating a little, I only had two nights of nightmares), I'll probably shell out the RIP pass next year.

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