A word of warning before you head home for Thanksgiving: Be careful what you place in your mouth this holiday season. For that hors d'oeuvre might just be an author.
Don't believe me? Okay. Then let us consider Pepe the King Prawn. With the help of Jim Lewis, this Muppet just turned out his first tome; "It's Hard Out Here For a Shrimp: Life, Love & Living Large
" (Hyperion, October 2008).
Copyright 2008 Hyperion. All Rights Reserved "And what makes this 176-page hardcover different from all the other self-help books that are currently on the market?," you ask. Why don't I let Pepe himself explain the difference:
"Oh sure, lots of other books promise to change your life. But they are a lot of work, okay. First, you have to climb 12 steps, then find seven highly aggravating peoples and try to figure out which one stole your cheese. Dios mío! I don't have time for this nonsense, okay!"
And yet this King Prawn still found time to write "It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp." As to Pepe's motives for writing this book... Again I'll let the author explain:
It's simple: I wrote this so that everyone who reads my book can enjoy life as much as I do. You see, in my life, I have been blessed with good looks and incredible talents, okay. Now, I cannot do much about your looks or your talents, but I can share good advice ... and make lots of monies for myself, okay.
Yeah, it's pretty clear that Pepe wrote this book for the bucks. Take -- for example -- this excerpt from the foreword, where the King Prawn unloads on those Borders and Barnes & Noble customers, who ...
... haven't paid for this book ... If right now you are standing in the bookstores, drinking a five-dollar venti-chocolata-poppa-frappachimichanga and reading my book for free, shame on you! I have many womens and a very pricey lifestyle to support, okay! You don't see me coming to your house and using your stuff! (Note to self: This is a very good idea, okay.) So I want you to put down your poppychino and go over to the cashier! Right now! Do it! Pay for this book. When you come back with a receipt, you can read some more.
I will wait, okay.
Pepe, Kermit and Gonzo appeared together earlier this month at the grand
opening of FAO Schwarz's new Muppet Whatnot Workshop.
Photo by Neilson Barnard of Getty Images. All Rights Reserved
So if you do fork over $16.95 for a copy of "It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp," what will you get? The King Prawn's sage advice on issues like family. As in:
What Makes a Home
Home
is where they let you in not
because they know you, but
even though they know you
(Besides, you have the key anyways, okay.)
Or Pepe's philosophical musings on Optimism vs. Pessimism:
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
I say, if it ain't a mojito,
I'm not drinking it either way, okay.
Or the most valuable lesson that this Shrimp learned while attending school:
If it is served by
ladies wearing hairnets
don't eat it
Which -- now that I think about it -- is probably very good advice for all JHM readers who'll be dining out on Thanksgiving Day.
And speaking of Thanksgiving, check out the great
Pepe parade balloon that Fabulous Inflatables created.
Photo copyright 2005 Fabulous Inflatables. All Rights Reserved
Okay. So "It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp" isn't exactly great literature. But what this attractive little hardcover is is wildly funny. You'll find lots of big laughs scattered among its 176 pages. Not to mention some real bits of wisdom. Like:
Life Choices
Life is a party.
Don't be the piñata.
And:
Play to Your Strengths
If you don't have an invitation,
go as an appetizer.
So remember what I said about being careful over Thanksgiving and not accidentally eating any authors. And if you're looking for a fun book to give this holiday season, you might want to consider picking up a copy of "It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp: Life, Love and Living Large." Because Pepe could really use the monies, okay?
Copyright 2005 Muppet Studios. All Rights Reserved
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