Ron Schneider

"Because if we get hit by a train, we're going to die and we're going to hell"

Ron Schneider — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Hey, gang

Jim Hill here. My apologies for JHM going dark for three days last week. But between my Mom going in for gall bladder surgery on Monday and my Dad winding up in the emergency room with heart palpitations on Friday (Not to mention that brownout in New Jersey as well as the 60 MPH windstorm in New Hampshire), everything that I had originally planned on posting on this site last week wound up being put on hold while we picked up the pieces around here.

Speaking of pieces ... One of the articles that unfortunately wound up getting delayed was a terrific Father's Day column that Ron Schneider wrote. Which -- even though it's a day late -- still offers lots of great advice about how a daddy & a daughter can make the most of their day at a Disney theme park.

So settle back now and enjoy Ron's latest literary effort. And with any amount of luck (More importantly, provided that Mother Nature behaves herself and/or no more Hills wind up in the hospital) JHM will be back on schedule tomorrow.

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“Disneyland started with a father who wondered why couldn't there be something built, some place where the parents and the children could have fun together” – Walt Disney

Through decades of Disneyland visits, first as a fan then as a cast member, no single trip stands out for me like taking my daughter Katie to the park when she was six. She had visited dozens of times with her mother to watch me perform at the Golden Horseshoe. She'd sit in the box onstage and clap and laugh and I'd bounce my 'teeth' off her head during the 'Pecos Bill' number. Katie had even celebrated her first birthday backstage with the Golden Horseshoe cast.

But from the time I moved away to Florida until a visit to California when she was six, she had never been to a Magic Kingdom. Thus, when the two of us set out for two whole days at Disneyland, she had no memory of the place and no idea what to expect. Driving out on the Antelope Freeway Katie spies a huge water slide by the side of the road. “Oh, Daddy, can we go there?”

I have to laugh. “You don't understand, darling. Disneyland is better than that. It's better than anything.” My plan is to spend the first day in Fantasyland and Tomorrowland; then take her straight into Adventureland and Frontierland the next day and blow her little mind.

Once inside Fantasyland I take her straight to my childhood favorite, Peter Pan's Flight. As we step up to the load area, Katie asks me, “Daddy, what happens in here?”

What can I tell her? I don't want her to be nervous, I don't want to spoil anything. I decide to try this: “Honey, I have no idea.” And that's what I do for the next two days. As a result, every attraction is a voyage of discovery that we make together.

Over at my favorite spot, Snow White's Wishing Well, we run into Captain Hook and Mr. Smee. Since there are no other kids around (which should give you an idea of how long ago this was) the pirates play with us for five minutes, teaching Katie to curtsy and dance the minuet. As we're walking away, heading down Main Street to grab some curb for the three o'clock parade, she asks me, “Daddy, where do Mickey and Minnie go when Disneyland closes?” I tell her they go home.

“No, they don't. The people go home. The costumes stay here.” Well, I'm impressed – only 6 years old and she already knows Company Policy. We walk in silence for another minute, then I hear a gasp of recognition. With an amazed look on her face she tells me, “You play the part!” Up to now Katie's known that I was somehow connected to Dreamfinder, but this is the moment she realizes what Daddy does for a buck.

This was back when someone thought Disneyland needed to add seasonal themes to be entertaining, like "Circus Fantasy" or "Blast to the Past." The afternoon parade has a '50s theme, featuring a troupe of celebrity look-alikes of the period: Superman, the Lone Ranger & Tonto, bogus Mouseketeers. We're enjoying the show when Katie spots Lucy & Ricky Ricardo. She jumps up from the curb and runs into the street to throw her arms around Lucy's legs in a happy hug. Lucy looks at her partner and whines, “Ricky, is this one of your girlfriends?” Ricky Ricardo walks my daughter back to me on the curb; it took her the rest of the day to get over that.

The next day Katie gets to steer the Mark Twain and has her first cotton candy (complete with the attendant stomach ache). The only low point for me is halfway through the Enchanted Tiki Room (a personal favorite) when she asks, “Daddy, when is this going to be over?” I take the hint and we sneak out the back door.

We have a tense moment while waiting to board Star Tours. “Daddy, I'm scared.” I explain that we are going on an imaginary trip to outer space; that it will feel real, but it's not. Thus reassured, Katie hops aboard our Star Speeder and loves the whole trip.

Katie also gets nervous while exploring Injun Joe's Cave, so I take her hand and let her set the pace. When she spots daylight, she lets go my hand and runs for the exit. As soon as she's outside, she turns to me with a smile and says, “Let's go again!” (She says this same thing after every ride.)

I often advise new parents to hold off taking their kids to Disneyland as long as possible. I've found that children who grow up riding Pirates of the Caribbean over and over often come to think of it as just a boat ride with waterfalls. Space Mountain becomes just a roller coaster without ever being a rocket trip into space. By waiting until my little girl was old enough to understand – yet young enough to believe -- I had set us both up for an amazing experience.

My wish for every father is to make this same 'voyage of discovery' with your child. The world has enough commonplace thrills in it; they can be found at the side of any freeway in America. There are far too few flights of fancy... and these moments when our children want us to tag along are fleeting.

I've saved the best for last. Here is my all-time favorite memory of Disneyland:

We are approaching the load area for Mr. Toad's Wild Ride when Katie spies the cars. “Oh, Daddy, can I drive?”

“I don't know. You've never driven before. You're kinda young... “

“Oh, PLEASE!!”

I give it some thought. “Tell you what. You can drive on two conditions. You have to go exactly where I tell you to go – “

“I will. I promise.”

“And don't get us hit by a train.”

“I won't!”

“Because if we get hit by a train, we're going to die and we're going to hell.”

“I won't, I'll be careful!”

So we get in the car and it pulls forward and it looks like we should turn left and leave the building. I tell Katie, “Turn left.” She turns the wheel left and the car goes right and busts through a wall. I scream at her, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LOOK OUT FOR THE FIREPLACE!!” And so it goes through the whole ride.

I grab the wheel and we're both trying to steer and I'm screaming like a frightened kid while she's laughing so hard she can't catch her breath. And wouldn't you know it? She drives us right into a tunnel and a head-on collision with a train. Women drivers.

As we're driving through Disney's vision of Cartoon Hell with demons all around, I ask my daughter, “Didn't I tell you NOT to get us hit by a train?!” She's still laughing as we stagger off to our next adventure.

Isn't that a great bit of fatherly advice? Now here's another piece of advice ... If you liked today's column, make plans now to pick up a copy of Ron Schneider's memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should be on store shelves sometime in late 2008 / early 2009.

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M-I-C ... as in "I wish that this microphone would work properly"

Ron Schneider — Thu, 01 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Now THAT'S Dedication...

Shortly after Disneyland opened in 1955, someone found an unpaid bill in a desk drawer amounting to thousands of dollars. When Walt heard about it, he is supposed to have said, “Well, when you do big things, you make big mistakes.“ Here's another example of this phenomenon, from my own experience...

When I was recording the Dreamfinder's voice for EPCOT's Skyleidoscope Lagoon Show, I took the opportunity to goof around with show director Gary Paben, trying different voices and doing bits of other ride narrations. And (as I had hoped) it made an impression ... enough so that I started getting calls to do other voices and park announcements.

Michael Eisner, Bob Hope and Mickey & Minnie escort Disney-MGM's "first family"
down Hollywood Boulevard on May 1, 1989. Copyright Disney. All Rights Reserved

One job I was honored to get was as Official Announcer for the Grand Opening of Disney-MGM Studios in 1989. All the “Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls ... “ things, and the “Please welcome the Chairman of the Board of the Walt Disney Company, Michael Eisner!” stuff. All of this we pre-recorded, but there was one section that had to be done live "The-Morning-Of."

Dozens of TV & movie stars from Hollywood history have been invited to attend the event and walk across the stage – smiling and waving – during the festivities. They have to be introduced, of course ... But since we won't know until that morning who actually shows up, I have to be there live-and-in-person to announce their names.

The view up Hollywood Boulevard ... Before someone in Marketing decided to
place a giant hat in front of the Chinese Theater.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

Rehearsals for the dedication ceremony start at 4 a.m. in front of the Chinese Theater. I have a long list of celebrity names and at the appropriate moment I run down the list, sounding properly impressed and impressive.

“Bob Hope ... Ernest Borgnine ... Don Knotts ... Morey Amsterdam ... Rose Marie ... Stan Freberg ... Regis Philbin ... Richard Dawson ... “

The run-thrus go beautifully, and we are about to lock everything down until show time, when I turn to Mr. Paben and say, “This mike I'm using is going to be live when it comes time for my announcement ... Right?”

“Of course it will,” says Gary. “Why wouldn't it be?”

George Lucas takes part in the opening night motorcade at Disney-MGM Studios.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

So I tell him this story ...

On an April morning in 1983, Figment & I are nervously poised to dedicate Kodak's Journey Into Imagination in front of the national press and all the top Disney and Kodak executives. It's a musical spectacular featuring characters from Disney parades and the Dapper Dans and dancers and fireworks and right in the middle of it all -- making our official debut -- Dreamfinder & Figment.

Bette Midler & Kevin Costner take part in a group handprint ceremony as part of
the studio theme park's opening festivities. In the back row is (L to R) Audrey
Hepburn, Cicely Tyson, Betty White and Lauren Bacall.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

Our part has a musical track that runs under it on which Figment's dialogue has been prerecorded by the purple dragon's official voice, Billy Barty. Everything's timed so that – just as I invite everyone to join us on the ride -- Figment will interrupt me. Then together we will sing our theme song, "One Little Spark."

I'm delivering my lines – timing them to the prerecorded track -- and at the moment he's supposed to speak up Figment opens his yap and nothing comes out. The music continues under, so I know the track is running. But the lizard just smiles at me while I stand there fishing for something to say.

Then, suddenly, he speaks up! I know immediately that someone in the sound booth had the volume turned down on Figment's voice track and I am mildly perturbed. After the event I inquire as to who the 'someone' had been. They wouldn't tell me that day, and I'm still wondering ...

Ron's good close friend, the Dreamfinder, introduces some EPCOT Center visitors to Figment

“So, “ I told Mr. Paben, ”I just want to know that this mike WILL be live when it's time for me to read this list of names.” Seeing my concern, Gary tells the Stage Manager to make doubly sure my mike is hot at the important moment.

Which, of course, it isn't.

So when Bob Hope starts across the stage I announce “Mister Bob Hope !” ... But no one hears it. I can tell it's not going out over the speakers. But it's not my job to fix it, it's my job to read the list. So the stars keep walking across the stage and I keep reading – to no one in particular.

After a moment Gary Paben leaps into the booth, tells the Stage Manager, “His mike is off!” and tells me, “Start again!”

Bette Midler, Mickey Mouse and Michael Eisner cut the ribbon
for Disney-MGM's backstage tour attraction.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

So I announce, “Mister Bob Hope !” as Morey Amsterdam steps onstage. Still no sound. They keep walking across and I keep reading and Gary says, “Fix his mike !” and “Start again !” and I announce “Mister Bob Hope !” as Rose Marie steps onstage and Gary says, “Turn it up !” and “Start again !” and Regis Philbin steps onstage as my voice comes blasting out over the speakers -- “MISTER BOB HOPE!”

Regis shoots me a look of utter disbelief as he steps off stage to the cheers of hundreds of confused Disney Guests. And after the show I tell Gary, “Well, when you do big things ... “

Speaking of big things ... Big things are expected of Ron Schneider's memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should show up in a bookstore near you sometime in late 2008 / early 2009.

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Wally Boag feted at Golden Horseshoe event

Ron Schneider — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 04:00:00 GMT

It's a lonely business, being the devoted fan of a theme park show that closed 22 years ago.

Or so I thought until last Saturday's Golden Horseshoe Revue Dinner Show and Celebration, presented by the grand folks of Ape Pen Publishing and The Magic Makers.

The evening grew out of the friendship of Ape Pen's founder, Caroline Thie, and the children of GHS star Wally Boag. They felt it was time for a tribute to the people and traditions of Frontierland's Golden Horseshoe ... and they created something as much fun and as touching as the show itself.

(L to R) Carlene Thie of Ape Pen Publishing, Wally Boag and Carlene's daughter, Rachel.
Photo by Denise Preskitt of MouseSteps.com

Plans for the event were changing right up to the last minute, so I didn't know what to expect when I arrived at the Anaheim Sheraton – maybe a few dozen former Disneylanders; and indeed, I spotted some familiar faces. But mainly there were 300+ people I'd never seen before. They had come from all over America out of affection for the Original Golden Horseshoe Revue.

There's something about Disney events and anniversaries that you have to experience, like finding a connection with your past. I first learned this in 1980 at Disneyland's 25th Anniversary, surrounded by thousands of people like me who simply wouldn't have thought of missing the party. You can strike up a conversation with anybody, because you're all living with the same passion for one crazy corner of the world.

The folks at Disneyland Entertainment sent over the Dapper Dans to warm up the crowd with tunes we all heard growing up. Then the show started with a video tribute to Horseshoe History – a collection of vintage clips punctuated by bursts of applause as each beloved performer appeared on screen. Of course, the loudest ovations were inspired by the first sightings of Wally Boag, Fulton Burley and Betty Taylor at work.

The Golden Horseshoe Girls kick up their heels one more time.
Photo by Denise Preskitt of Mousesteps.com

Then the Golden Horseshoe girls... and I mean THE Golden Horseshoe Girls: Deedee Bozikis, Arlene Dragon, Janice Gilmore and Georgeen Whitney... took the stage in costume, singing and dancing 'Welcome to the Golden Horseshoe' just as they did when I worked there back in the '80s. Apparently dancers never age.

The current headliners of the Horseshoe stage – Billy Hill & the Hillbillies – were represented by emcee (and fan favorite) John Eaden and Kirk Wall's outrageous Elvis medley. It's nice to know that Frontierland's comic tradition is in such silly, capable hands.

At my table I was delighted to be reunited with Jim Adams, Wally's long-standing sub and co-star. We swapped stories of the old days of working with Fulton and the Band. Jim had to laugh while watching video of he and Wally rehearsing for a 1980 TV Special, because he had no memory of doing it.

Jim Adams introduces Wally the clown to his namesake.
Photo by Denise Preskitt of MouseSteps.com

Memories came flooding back quickly, though, when Jim took the stage with GHS mascot Claude Dog and his puppet pals. One adorable clown had trouble remembering his own name... until Jim revealed it was 'Wally'; he'd been named years ago in tribute to the evening's guest of honor.

Disney Legends Bob Gurr and Charles Boyer reminisced about Wally and the Horseshoe and Imagineering Ambassador Marty Sklar took us back even further to before the park's opening in '55, when Wally was hired under a 2 week contract.

Wally's son, Lawrence, shared stories of his youth and being raised by his mischievous dad. His sister, Heather, gave us a taste of what it was like to have all of Disneyland as a playground and second home. It was touching to watch Wally taking it all in, his lovely wife Ellen proudly at his side.

Wally & Ellen listen in as Lawrence Boag reflects on his rather unique childhood.
Photo by Ron Schneider

Congratulations were read from Disney Legend Art Linkletter. Then author Gene Sands, who has been collaborating with Wally on his autobiography, announced that their book, "The Clown Prince of Disneyland," would see release by Fall, 2008.

As part of the personal tributes, Jim Adams told the crowd he'd been a star struck kid when – on a break from his Disney job – he knocked on Wally's dressing room door in a pair of monkey feet and asked to meet his hero. He said that Wally opening that door and taking him in was a blessing he'd always remember. “I wanted to BE Wally Boag.”

Dana Daniels, star of the 'Golden Horseshoe Talent Show', brought the house down with his comedy magic, ably upstaged by his partner – Luigi, the Psychic Parrot. Dana told the story of his first visit to Wally's room... also on a break from work, but wearing clown shoes. “I ALSO wanted to be Wally Boag!”

Dana Daniels and Luigi wowed the crowd with their psychic routine.
Photo by Denise Preskitt of MouseSteps.com

Folks who work in themed entertainment may not make the big bucks, and we may toil in relative obscurity – known only as the characters we portray – but we make up for it in volume... the sheer numbers of people whose lives we touch on a daily basis.

The people who were there that night… and millions around the world… have had a Disney day brightened by seeing Wally perform. But for Jim and Dana and Dick Hardwick and myself, Wally Boag was an inspiration.

So by the time it was my turn to speak, the only thing I could open with was, “Stop me if you've heard this before... “

Ron Schneider at last month's Golden Horseshoe tribute event.
Photo by Denise Preskitt of MouseSteps.com

I chose to reminisce about my days as a fan of the Horseshoe, when I would run to the GHS reservations podium, hoping that Wally, Fulton & Betty would be performing that day. I spoke on behalf of all of us who had wanted to 'be Wally Boag', thanking him for his kindness and generosity; and for giving each of us a start in our lives as performers:

“Some of us are here tonight... All of us are here in spirit. And we are so grateful to have been a part of this legacy, and proud of what we brought to this wonderful show created by Walt and Wally.

But it must be said that when it came to Disneyland's Golden Horseshoe – nobody could touch Betty Taylor. And nobody could touch Fulton Burley. And no one can touch Wally Boag.”

The crowd shows its appreciation for the one, the only Wally Boag !
Photo by Denise Preskitt of MouseSteps.com

I said it Saturday night and I'll say it all my days: “Wally, thank you for my life.”

Speaking of Mr. Schneider's life ... Ron's hard at work on his memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should show up in a bookstore near you in late 2008 / early 2009.

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Filling some awfully big shoes at the Shoe

Ron Schneider — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Picking up where we left off with last week's tale ... It's one thing to watch your favorite Disney show as a fan. It's quite another to know that -- in 45 minutes -- you're going to be a member of the cast, carrying on a proud tradition started 25 years before by Walt Disney and Wally Boag.

It's April 16th, 1980. My first day of training to step into the comic lead in the Golden Horseshoe Revue. I'm sitting in the stage left booth -- Walt's box -- watching Wally perform his traveling salesman pitch. Amazing the crowd with his 'Boagaloons' bit and bring the house down with his tooth-spitting routine.

After that show ends and the guests have exited the theater, the house staff quickly moves in to reset everything and sweep up 'teeth' that have flown into the audience. Wally Boag himself steps out from behind the curtain to escort me backstage ... and right out the door.

I have to hustle to keep up with him as Wally dashes through Adventureland and across the Jungle Cruise dock. He goes right to the far edge of the dock and steps off. For a moment I wonder whether my 'dream job' will involve swimming the dark green waters of the jungle.

Then I notice that Boag is stepping onto a trail of stones in the water that lead along the shore, behind the stage of the Tahitian Terrace and into a cave. Okay, Wally isn't trying to drown me. But where are we going?

The cave opens into the industrial area behind Main Street. We run upstairs to the second floor of a building which houses the Plaza Pavilion, the Tahitian Terrace, the Enchanted Tiki Room and (it turns out) Mr. Boag's dressing room.

Actually it's more like a studio apartment, with a day bed and media room, a walk-in closet full of costumes and props and an office with an unimpressive view of the back of Main Street. I would use the fire escape outside that window all summer, when I'd climb up to the roof to watch the fireworks each night.

When we sit down to talk (and I finish gushing about what a thrill this is) Wally asks: "Okay. What do you want to do in your act?"

Wally Boag (L) and Ron Schneider (R) chat on stage at the Golden Horseshoe during
a cast member open house that was held in honor of Disneyland's 25th anniversary

It hadn't occurred to me that I could do what I wanted at the Golden Horseshoe. No wonder Wally always looked like he was having a great time onstage - he was doing what he wanted to do, the way he wanted to do it. I answer that I'll do a blend of my stuff and his ... As I want to carry on the traditions of the Golden Horseshoe Revue.

I watch a few more shows that afternoon, meet Fulton Burley, Betty Taylor, Bobby Davis (i.e. the show's stage manager, who bears an amazing resemblance to Jiminy Cricket), Bernice, the ladies' dresser, and the Band and the 'Line' (i.e. the can-can dancers). After lunch, I'm measured for my new period suit by Jack Muhs, the costume designer for Disneyland Entertainment. In the fitting room, I jump a mile when I round the corner and nearly slam into an 8-foot figure of Stromboli that's being prepped for the park's new Pinocchio ride.

Before I leave that first day, Wally loans me a cassette recording of the show, one of his six-shooters and a bag of dried baby lima beans. So I can practice twirling the guns and spitting out teeth for the Pecos Bill number. I don't have the heart to tell him I already have several recordings of the Golden Horseshoe, going back ten years.

Back home, I run through the material over & over and practice twirling the heavy gun with both hands (standing over my bed - cuts down on bending over to pick it up off the floor). But how to practice spitting out teeth? I don't want to have to pick up hundreds of lima beans off my apartment floor.

This Andy Warhol-inspired painting of Wally Boag will be auctioned off
at Saturday night's Golden Horseshoe tribute event. To view more of this
artist's work, follow this link. Photo courtesy of Davelandweb.com

I wind up walking down Vermont Avenue with a handful of beans secreted in my cheek. As cars drive by, I practice casually bouncing beans off their windshields. I get pretty good at it, too. I get one down the back of a lady's blouse. She never knew what hit her.

I spend the next few days getting paid to hang out with Wally and Fulton backstage at the Shoe. This thing runs like clockwork. Five shows a day with everyone and everything timed to within an inch of its life.

What I find most amazing is the way Wally just seems to know when it's time to drop what he's doing and hightail it through the cave, across the stones and backstage to pick up his props. Then it's back outside to enter through the front doors of the saloon. He always makes it just as the production number is wrapping up, stopping at the bar to wait for the lights to fade down so he can sneak into the center of the room for his entrance.

As we're standing back there in the dark waiting for Wally's cue, I see several people in each show turn around and look at him. I had to laugh at this. You see, when you stood in line for the Horseshoe Revue you never knew who the comedian was going to be that day. It was probably Wally ... But it could be Wally's talented understudy, Jim Adams; or it might be Bert Henry, who eventually moves to Orlando to star in the Diamond Horseshoe.

Wally's longtime understudy, Jim Adams.
Copyright 2005 Prof. Productions

Whenever I saw that show, I knew to turn around during the production number to see who the comic was. I love to see that ALL the Horseshoe fans do that exact same thing.

After a few days of watching shows and working on the Pecos Bill number, I show up one morning and Wally greets me with "Your costume is up in my room. You're doing the third show today. I'm going to the track."

Gulp.

I sit down in Walt's box and watch Wally do the first two shows, just as I had a hundred times over the last ten years. This time, though, is bittersweet. It occurs to me that working as Wally's sub means that -- from now on -- I'll be at the Horseshoe when he isn't. This will be one of the last times I get to sit and appreciate the work of this man who has taught me so much... and given my life purpose.

The third show finally arrives. The walk outside to the front entrance is like a dream. I try to adopt the same laid-back manner I'd learned watching Wally and used hundreds of times back at Spillikin Corners. But I can't wipe the smile off my face.

Standing in the back waiting for my cue, I'm almost convinced I have nothing to worry about. Then those Horseshoe fans turn around to see who's on that day. Well, Schneider... You wanted to carry on the traditions of the Golden Horseshoe Revue? Here's your chance.

Long story short (too late!) that first show goes off without a hitch. Sure, I nearly bust up laughing when I get nose-to-nose with Fulton. And I nearly choke to death when one lima bean decides to slide down my throat instead of shoot out of my mouth.

But the drummer catches and punctuates every move I make. I see the band laughing at my routine. And when I walk off at the end, Bobby tells me, "I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go. But that was the best first show I've ever seen."

Backstage, Wally shakes my hand and -- true to his word -- leaves for the track. I'm left to do the last two shows that day and walk across Adventureland by myself up to Wally's room and call home.

Who was it that said, "If you can dream it, then you can do it"? Oh, yeah ...

Image courtesy of Ape Pen Publishing

Are you one of those folks who dearly misses this Disneyland show? Well, tomorrow night, Ape Pen Publishing will be paying tribute to Wally Boag with "The Golden Horseshoe Dinner Show & Celebration." Which will be held at the Sheraton directly across from Disneyland. There are literally only a handful of tickets left for this event. Which will feature performances by Dana Daniels and many of the other entertainers that Mr. Boag has inspired over the years. Plus -- of course -- an appearance by the great man himself. So if you'd like to get in on the fun, you should fire off an e-mail off to themagicmakers@charter.net ASAP

As for Mr. Schneider ... He's still hard at work on his memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should hit store shelves by the late Fall / early winter of 2008.

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How do you earn the right to perform in Disneyland's Golden Horseshoe Revue? Make a left at Magic Mountain

Ron Schneider — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Millions of people work in the entertainment industry. And of those folks, thousands of them make a living as actors. And of those thousands, hundreds of these performers are employed by theme parks. And of those hundreds of performers, only a couple of dozen actually work at Disneyland.

I bring this up because I want you to understand how long the odds were back in the late 1970s. When I initially set my sights on becoming a performer at that Anaheim theme park.

But wait ! The odds get longer still. I didn't want to be just a run-of-the-mill performer at Disneyland. I had my heart set on playing one specific role in one particular venue. A part that -- I should add -- had virtually no turn-over.

Back then, I wanted to be Wally Boag's understudy. I wanted to be the traveling salesman while Wally was otherwise engaged. I wanted to play Pecos Bill, spitting out those dried-lima-bean teeth, while Boag had split for parts unknown.

Mind you, it's not like I hadn't done any preparation for this role. At this point in my fledgling career, I had made dozens of trips to the Golden Horseshoe to watch Wally work. Marveling at the way that this veteran performer (who had literally performed some of these same gags tens of thousands of times) kept his traveling salesman & Pecos Bill routines feeling so fresh & new.

And what I learned from watching Boag ... I then applied to a character that I'd just been hired to play at Magic Mountain. One Prof. Samuel J. Spillikin, B.S., M.S., PhD. (“You know what B.S. Is? Well, M.S. is More of the Same, and PhD. is just Piled Higher & Deeper”).

A young boy listens to Professor Spillikin's pitch at Magic Mountain

The Professor spent his days lurking around Spillikin Corners Crafts Village. Where he'd then try & convince the good folks who'd come out for the day to Magic Mountain to come buy a bottle of Grandma Spillikin's Herbal Cure & Indian Elixir.

The character of Prof. Samuel J. Spillikin? He was obviously a crook and a scoundrel. But a crook and a scoundrel with a very entertaining line of patter. Which is why I'd invariably draw a crowd as I launched into my Medicine Pitch.

And each day that I worked at Magic Mountain, I tried to improve my performance. Find additional ways to engage the crowd. All with an eye toward gaining the experience that I needed so that I could someday trod the boards at the Golden Horseshoe.

Now working at another theme park may seem like an odd way to win a headliner's role at Disneyland. But over the years, I have learned that the very best way to get a job at Disney is to already excel at the job before you apply. And in order to be able to fill in for Wally someday, I first had to become as strong a comic performer as possible.

That Medicine Pitch opens a lot of doors for me. I start picking up convention work and private parties. And since the whole act fits into one large traveling case, I can go just about anywhere.

Bud Abbott (L) and Lou Costello (R) performing their
signature routine, "Who's on First?"

For example – Poppy's Star Restaurant. At that time, Poppy's was this new party place that had just opened in Canoga Park where the waiters, managers and kitchen staff are all musicians and variety performers. Working as a seater, I not only hone my "sales skills" with rowdy diners, I collaborate with many talented performers in a wide variety of formats. Partner Mitch Evans and I perform such classic variety turns as "Niagara Falls" and Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First?" Lou Costello's daughter Chris even praises our performance!

Alright ... It's 1979 and I've been pitching snake oil at Magic Mountain for 4 years when my sister happens to notice a small ad in Variety:

"Auditions for Golden Horseshoe Revue – Comics and Dancers needed for Disneyland's 25th Anniversary Celebration"

At last all my years of practice might now pay off.

The next time I'm at Disneyland, I sit in the Golden Horseshoe watching Wally and wonder what I should do for my audition. And I realize that the thing to do is my Medicine Pitch. That routine was different enough from Wally's traveling salesman bit to be reminiscent without seeming like a complete rip-off.

Wally's act always ends with his turn as Pecos Bill, in which he gets 'slugged' by the male singer and starts spitting out teeth. Dozens and dozens of teeth. It's a very funny bit, accomplished by using dried baby lima beans concealed in his cheek. On a whim, I catch one as it whizzes by me and put it in my pocket ... for luck.

Photo courtesy of Davelandweb.com

On a December night in 1979, I check in at a backstage rehearsal hall in Anaheim for the cattle call auditions. About a hundred of the most beautiful women you can imagine are there in leotards and dance shoes to audition to be can-can dancers. After learning a dance routine, they all line up and -- one by one --jump into the air and come down on the floor in a full split. We comics just sit there, wincing noticeably.

At the auditor's table sit Wally Boag and Sonny Anderson, the then-head of Talent Booking for the Disney theme parks. When the dancers finish, they greet us funny guys warmly.

(Over the years I've attended dozens of auditions, and this is something I've always appreciated about Disney. Before they start seeing people, the folks in charge will welcome everyone and discuss candidly what they're looking for that day and what to expect at the audition. They answer questions and greet the folks they've seen before. Not every company does this, unfortunately. But it makes the whole experience that much less frustrating and frightening.)

Finally it's time to start seeing the comics. We all stay in that one room, so everyone will have an audience.

Everyone seems aware that Wally had been a mentor to Steve Martin, who was then at the very height of his fame as a stand-up comic. A few of the comics show up in Steve's trademark white suit with an arrow through the head and juggling balls and do his act. Some do one-liners or impressions. I begin to wonder if these guys have ever seen the Golden Horseshoe Revue.

I arrive in my traveling salesman rig with my medicine bag and bamboo cane. When my name is called, I start toward the front of the room. And as I pass the front table, I hear Sonny say to Wally “This is the kid I was telling you about.”

Photo courtesy of Davelandweb.com

That's what those four years at Magic Mountain had bought me. By building my reputation at that other theme park, I had not only prepared myself for Disney. I had prepared Disney to hire me.

Today's moral: Stay where you are and do good work. The way to get that dream job with Disney (or anywhere else) is to start doing your best work somewhere else. So that when opportunity knocks, you're really ready to answer the door.

I ace the audition, because I'm able to show them exactly what they're looking for. And at the point in my act where my cane slips and I 'accidentally' strike myself on the head, I shake it off and spit out that dried lima bean that I'd caught earlier at the show. Wally fell off his chair, laughing.

Three weeks later, a letter arrives from Disneyland talent booking. “We're sorry to inform you that we have nothing to offer you at this time. Thank you for auditioning.” Ah, well. I had my shot.

Three months pass. It's the morning of April 15th. Summer is approaching and -- resigned to another year at Magic Mountain -- I'm about to head north to search for an apartment in Valencia. But I never make it out the door.

At 10:30 a.m., I get a call from Mike Davis at Disneyland Talent Booking, inviting me to start training the next day for the comic's role in Disneyland's Golden Horseshoe Revue. Supressing my glee, I tell Mike that I'm free.

The very next morning, I show up bright and early and giddy-as-hell at the Disneyland Administration Building. Where Mike welcomes me and ...

I'll tell you the rest of this story next week ...

Image courtesy of Ape Pen Publishing

Speaking of next week ... On March 29th, Ape Pen Publishing will be paying tribute to Wally Boag with "The Golden Horseshoe Dinner Show & Celebration." Which will be held at the Sheraton directly across from Disneyland. There are literally only a handful of tickets left for this event. Which will feature performances by Dana Daniels, Dick Harwick and many of the other entertainers that Mr. Boag has inspired over the years. Plus -- of course -- an appearance by the great man himself. So if you'd like to get in on the fun, you should fire off an e-mail off to themagicmakers@charter.net ASAP

As for Mr. Schneider ... He's still hard at work on his memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should hit store shelves by the late Fall / early winter of 2008.

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