Ron Schneider : Themes Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag

How "One Little Spark" nearly fried the Dreamfinder

Ron Schneider — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

As a kid I'd tune in the Wonderful World of Color every Sunday night. Most of the time Walt would introduce some western or historic feature - or some story like "Melvin, the Manic Marmoset" - and I'd switch over to watch Ed Sullivan. He had ventriloquists!

On a good week, there'd be an animated feature or a look behind-the-scenes at the studio, and I'd settle in and soak it up.

But once in a while it'd be a feature about Disneyland and WED Enterprises and I'd be glued to the screen for the next sixty minutes. Nothing seemed as cool to me as watching Walt walk through an attraction-in-the-works, sharing his vision and letting me in on his future plans...

Shortly after EPCOT Center opens in '82, I get a call from the Marketing Division about that year's "Walt Disney World Very Merry Christmas Parade" telecast. Since the Journey Into Imagination opening will be the next big event at WDW, a preview of the ride will be produced, featuring a tour of the building conducted by Dreamfinder.

The Walt Disney Company wants me to walk through my attraction-in-the-works, sharing their vision and letting kids across America in on our future plans.

Everyone's gathered for a late night shoot in the Dreamport, the room where sparks of inspiration are stored. There are huge colorful props on all sides, opening and closing and spinning and rocking in place. In the center of the room are several large spark jars, 4 to 5 feet tall, with bolts of lightning zapping back and forth inside. As the Dreamfinder, I'm going to walk through the middle of this scene, talking straight into the camera about the ride and the new pavilion.

The crew finishes setting up the lights and camera, as a sound man puts a transmitter on my belt with a wire that runs under my costume to a microphone clipped to my vest. After a sound check, I take my place by the Imaginometer and we start a run-through.

Looking straight into the camera, I think about the way Walt hosted his tours of WED. Everything's going smoothly, the cameraman following me as I walk along the ride track. The director is impressed by the way I adapt to my new role; he doesn't know I've been rehearsing for this part all my life. It's another dream come true - until a sharp electrical charge starts drilling right into the middle of my chest.

I stop cold and tell everyone I'm in pain! Looking down, I see a steady electrical spark running from the microphone straight through my shirt and into my chest. In a flash I realize the pain started as I stepped up next to the first spark jar. I quickly move away and the pain stops.

Displaying the intelligence of a Homer Simpson, I try approaching the spark jar again. Same result.

After a brief discussion, it's decided that my distress is caused by a field of static electricity around the spark generator. The sound man produces a large block of thick foam. He carves a divot in the foam, duct tapes it to my chest and puts the microphone in the divot. On my next timid pass by the spark jar, I feel no ill effect.

The rest of the shoot goes off without a hitch, and for the first time I'm actually pleased with the way Dreamfinder looks and sounds on TV. Ah, but there's more to the story ...

Two months later, early on a Sunday morning, I wake up and turn on my bedroom TV. Since there's nothing else on I wind up watching a live broadcast from the Orlando Science Center. It's an educational program, featuring scientific demonstrations performed before students from the 2nd and 3rd grades.

Today's topic is: static electricity.

On a long table they've set up a Van de Graaf generator and a Jacob's ladder. There are balloons and carpet samples and a Happy Host and a Scientist. And a lucky volunteer ... a little seven-year-old girl with short blond hair and a big smile on her face and a small microphone clipped to the front of her dress.

I sit up in bed and (I'm ashamed to admit) start to giggle.

The scientist is speaking. "Now Betsy, this generator produces a harmless electrical charge. Just like the static created when I rubbed the balloon with that flannel cloth. After I start the motor, I'll ask you to touch the silver ball and the charge will go harmlessly through you and cause your lovely blond hair to stand straight up. Are you ready?"

Photo courtesy of AMSE

Betsy is a little skeptical, but she smiles and says, "Yes, I'm ready." I'm shaking my head at this point, and paging through the phone book looking for the number of the Science Center - certain that I'm the only person tuned in who knows what's about to happen.

Mr. Scientist throws the switch, and we hear the generator powering up just as Betsy's smile disappears. The camera shows the excited reaction of Betsy's classmates to the sound of the generator. Teachers are smiling, Happy Host stands by looking very interested. Cut to Betsy. She's staring straight out with a pained and panicked look on her face that no one seems to notice. Betsy looks imploringly up at Mr. Scientist who calmly tells her, "Now touch the metal ball just there and watch what happens ... "

I can only imagine what's going through Betsy's mind. But I know damn well what's going through Betsy's chest.

I never do make it to the phone; I'm spellbound by the look on Betsy's face. But she's a trouper. She touches the globe and her hair stands straight up. But strangely, when Happy Host holds up a mirror so she can see the effect, she doesn't even glance at the image.

In the years since, I've often said that the thing I miss most about my years as Dreamfinder is the look on the kids' faces. Of all those faces, you can bet I'll never forget Poor Distressed Betsy's.

Speaking of things that you shouldn't forget ... Ron Schneider's memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag," should be showing up in a bookstore near you sometime in late 2008 / early 2009. Make plans now to pick up a copy

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M-I-C ... as in "I wish that this microphone would work properly"

Ron Schneider — Thu, 01 May 2008 01:00:00 GMT

Now THAT'S Dedication...

Shortly after Disneyland opened in 1955, someone found an unpaid bill in a desk drawer amounting to thousands of dollars. When Walt heard about it, he is supposed to have said, “Well, when you do big things, you make big mistakes.“ Here's another example of this phenomenon, from my own experience...

When I was recording the Dreamfinder's voice for EPCOT's Skyleidoscope Lagoon Show, I took the opportunity to goof around with show director Gary Paben, trying different voices and doing bits of other ride narrations. And (as I had hoped) it made an impression ... enough so that I started getting calls to do other voices and park announcements.

Michael Eisner, Bob Hope and Mickey & Minnie escort Disney-MGM's "first family"
down Hollywood Boulevard on May 1, 1989. Copyright Disney. All Rights Reserved

One job I was honored to get was as Official Announcer for the Grand Opening of Disney-MGM Studios in 1989. All the “Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls ... “ things, and the “Please welcome the Chairman of the Board of the Walt Disney Company, Michael Eisner!” stuff. All of this we pre-recorded, but there was one section that had to be done live "The-Morning-Of."

Dozens of TV & movie stars from Hollywood history have been invited to attend the event and walk across the stage – smiling and waving – during the festivities. They have to be introduced, of course ... But since we won't know until that morning who actually shows up, I have to be there live-and-in-person to announce their names.

The view up Hollywood Boulevard ... Before someone in Marketing decided to
place a giant hat in front of the Chinese Theater.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

Rehearsals for the dedication ceremony start at 4 a.m. in front of the Chinese Theater. I have a long list of celebrity names and at the appropriate moment I run down the list, sounding properly impressed and impressive.

“Bob Hope ... Ernest Borgnine ... Don Knotts ... Morey Amsterdam ... Rose Marie ... Stan Freberg ... Regis Philbin ... Richard Dawson ... “

The run-thrus go beautifully, and we are about to lock everything down until show time, when I turn to Mr. Paben and say, “This mike I'm using is going to be live when it comes time for my announcement ... Right?”

“Of course it will,” says Gary. “Why wouldn't it be?”

George Lucas takes part in the opening night motorcade at Disney-MGM Studios.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

So I tell him this story ...

On an April morning in 1983, Figment & I are nervously poised to dedicate Kodak's Journey Into Imagination in front of the national press and all the top Disney and Kodak executives. It's a musical spectacular featuring characters from Disney parades and the Dapper Dans and dancers and fireworks and right in the middle of it all -- making our official debut -- Dreamfinder & Figment.

Bette Midler & Kevin Costner take part in a group handprint ceremony as part of
the studio theme park's opening festivities. In the back row is (L to R) Audrey
Hepburn, Cicely Tyson, Betty White and Lauren Bacall.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

Our part has a musical track that runs under it on which Figment's dialogue has been prerecorded by the purple dragon's official voice, Billy Barty. Everything's timed so that – just as I invite everyone to join us on the ride -- Figment will interrupt me. Then together we will sing our theme song, "One Little Spark."

I'm delivering my lines – timing them to the prerecorded track -- and at the moment he's supposed to speak up Figment opens his yap and nothing comes out. The music continues under, so I know the track is running. But the lizard just smiles at me while I stand there fishing for something to say.

Then, suddenly, he speaks up! I know immediately that someone in the sound booth had the volume turned down on Figment's voice track and I am mildly perturbed. After the event I inquire as to who the 'someone' had been. They wouldn't tell me that day, and I'm still wondering ...

Ron's good close friend, the Dreamfinder, introduces some EPCOT Center visitors to Figment

“So, “ I told Mr. Paben, ”I just want to know that this mike WILL be live when it's time for me to read this list of names.” Seeing my concern, Gary tells the Stage Manager to make doubly sure my mike is hot at the important moment.

Which, of course, it isn't.

So when Bob Hope starts across the stage I announce “Mister Bob Hope !” ... But no one hears it. I can tell it's not going out over the speakers. But it's not my job to fix it, it's my job to read the list. So the stars keep walking across the stage and I keep reading – to no one in particular.

After a moment Gary Paben leaps into the booth, tells the Stage Manager, “His mike is off!” and tells me, “Start again!”

Bette Midler, Mickey Mouse and Michael Eisner cut the ribbon
for Disney-MGM's backstage tour attraction.
Copyright 1989 Disney. All Rights Reserved

So I announce, “Mister Bob Hope !” as Morey Amsterdam steps onstage. Still no sound. They keep walking across and I keep reading and Gary says, “Fix his mike !” and “Start again !” and I announce “Mister Bob Hope !” as Rose Marie steps onstage and Gary says, “Turn it up !” and “Start again !” and Regis Philbin steps onstage as my voice comes blasting out over the speakers -- “MISTER BOB HOPE!”

Regis shoots me a look of utter disbelief as he steps off stage to the cheers of hundreds of confused Disney Guests. And after the show I tell Gary, “Well, when you do big things ... “

Speaking of big things ... Big things are expected of Ron Schneider's memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should show up in a bookstore near you sometime in late 2008 / early 2009.

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Filling some awfully big shoes at the Shoe

Ron Schneider — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 01:00:00 GMT

Picking up where we left off with last week's tale ... It's one thing to watch your favorite Disney show as a fan. It's quite another to know that -- in 45 minutes -- you're going to be a member of the cast, carrying on a proud tradition started 25 years before by Walt Disney and Wally Boag.

It's April 16th, 1980. My first day of training to step into the comic lead in the Golden Horseshoe Revue. I'm sitting in the stage left booth -- Walt's box -- watching Wally perform his traveling salesman pitch. Amazing the crowd with his 'Boagaloons' bit and bring the house down with his tooth-spitting routine.

After that show ends and the guests have exited the theater, the house staff quickly moves in to reset everything and sweep up 'teeth' that have flown into the audience. Wally Boag himself steps out from behind the curtain to escort me backstage ... and right out the door.

I have to hustle to keep up with him as Wally dashes through Adventureland and across the Jungle Cruise dock. He goes right to the far edge of the dock and steps off. For a moment I wonder whether my 'dream job' will involve swimming the dark green waters of the jungle.

Then I notice that Boag is stepping onto a trail of stones in the water that lead along the shore, behind the stage of the Tahitian Terrace and into a cave. Okay, Wally isn't trying to drown me. But where are we going?

The cave opens into the industrial area behind Main Street. We run upstairs to the second floor of a building which houses the Plaza Pavilion, the Tahitian Terrace, the Enchanted Tiki Room and (it turns out) Mr. Boag's dressing room.

Actually it's more like a studio apartment, with a day bed and media room, a walk-in closet full of costumes and props and an office with an unimpressive view of the back of Main Street. I would use the fire escape outside that window all summer, when I'd climb up to the roof to watch the fireworks each night.

When we sit down to talk (and I finish gushing about what a thrill this is) Wally asks: "Okay. What do you want to do in your act?"

Wally Boag (L) and Ron Schneider (R) chat on stage at the Golden Horseshoe during
a cast member open house that was held in honor of Disneyland's 25th anniversary

It hadn't occurred to me that I could do what I wanted at the Golden Horseshoe. No wonder Wally always looked like he was having a great time onstage - he was doing what he wanted to do, the way he wanted to do it. I answer that I'll do a blend of my stuff and his ... As I want to carry on the traditions of the Golden Horseshoe Revue.

I watch a few more shows that afternoon, meet Fulton Burley, Betty Taylor, Bobby Davis (i.e. the show's stage manager, who bears an amazing resemblance to Jiminy Cricket), Bernice, the ladies' dresser, and the Band and the 'Line' (i.e. the can-can dancers). After lunch, I'm measured for my new period suit by Jack Muhs, the costume designer for Disneyland Entertainment. In the fitting room, I jump a mile when I round the corner and nearly slam into an 8-foot figure of Stromboli that's being prepped for the park's new Pinocchio ride.

Before I leave that first day, Wally loans me a cassette recording of the show, one of his six-shooters and a bag of dried baby lima beans. So I can practice twirling the guns and spitting out teeth for the Pecos Bill number. I don't have the heart to tell him I already have several recordings of the Golden Horseshoe, going back ten years.

Back home, I run through the material over & over and practice twirling the heavy gun with both hands (standing over my bed - cuts down on bending over to pick it up off the floor). But how to practice spitting out teeth? I don't want to have to pick up hundreds of lima beans off my apartment floor.

This Andy Warhol-inspired painting of Wally Boag will be auctioned off
at Saturday night's Golden Horseshoe tribute event. To view more of this
artist's work, follow this link. Photo courtesy of Davelandweb.com

I wind up walking down Vermont Avenue with a handful of beans secreted in my cheek. As cars drive by, I practice casually bouncing beans off their windshields. I get pretty good at it, too. I get one down the back of a lady's blouse. She never knew what hit her.

I spend the next few days getting paid to hang out with Wally and Fulton backstage at the Shoe. This thing runs like clockwork. Five shows a day with everyone and everything timed to within an inch of its life.

What I find most amazing is the way Wally just seems to know when it's time to drop what he's doing and hightail it through the cave, across the stones and backstage to pick up his props. Then it's back outside to enter through the front doors of the saloon. He always makes it just as the production number is wrapping up, stopping at the bar to wait for the lights to fade down so he can sneak into the center of the room for his entrance.

As we're standing back there in the dark waiting for Wally's cue, I see several people in each show turn around and look at him. I had to laugh at this. You see, when you stood in line for the Horseshoe Revue you never knew who the comedian was going to be that day. It was probably Wally ... But it could be Wally's talented understudy, Jim Adams; or it might be Bert Henry, who eventually moves to Orlando to star in the Diamond Horseshoe.

Wally's longtime understudy, Jim Adams.
Copyright 2005 Prof. Productions

Whenever I saw that show, I knew to turn around during the production number to see who the comic was. I love to see that ALL the Horseshoe fans do that exact same thing.

After a few days of watching shows and working on the Pecos Bill number, I show up one morning and Wally greets me with "Your costume is up in my room. You're doing the third show today. I'm going to the track."

Gulp.

I sit down in Walt's box and watch Wally do the first two shows, just as I had a hundred times over the last ten years. This time, though, is bittersweet. It occurs to me that working as Wally's sub means that -- from now on -- I'll be at the Horseshoe when he isn't. This will be one of the last times I get to sit and appreciate the work of this man who has taught me so much... and given my life purpose.

The third show finally arrives. The walk outside to the front entrance is like a dream. I try to adopt the same laid-back manner I'd learned watching Wally and used hundreds of times back at Spillikin Corners. But I can't wipe the smile off my face.

Standing in the back waiting for my cue, I'm almost convinced I have nothing to worry about. Then those Horseshoe fans turn around to see who's on that day. Well, Schneider... You wanted to carry on the traditions of the Golden Horseshoe Revue? Here's your chance.

Long story short (too late!) that first show goes off without a hitch. Sure, I nearly bust up laughing when I get nose-to-nose with Fulton. And I nearly choke to death when one lima bean decides to slide down my throat instead of shoot out of my mouth.

But the drummer catches and punctuates every move I make. I see the band laughing at my routine. And when I walk off at the end, Bobby tells me, "I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go. But that was the best first show I've ever seen."

Backstage, Wally shakes my hand and -- true to his word -- leaves for the track. I'm left to do the last two shows that day and walk across Adventureland by myself up to Wally's room and call home.

Who was it that said, "If you can dream it, then you can do it"? Oh, yeah ...

Image courtesy of Ape Pen Publishing

Are you one of those folks who dearly misses this Disneyland show? Well, tomorrow night, Ape Pen Publishing will be paying tribute to Wally Boag with "The Golden Horseshoe Dinner Show & Celebration." Which will be held at the Sheraton directly across from Disneyland. There are literally only a handful of tickets left for this event. Which will feature performances by Dana Daniels and many of the other entertainers that Mr. Boag has inspired over the years. Plus -- of course -- an appearance by the great man himself. So if you'd like to get in on the fun, you should fire off an e-mail off to themagicmakers@charter.net ASAP

As for Mr. Schneider ... He's still hard at work on his memoirs, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Which should hit store shelves by the late Fall / early winter of 2008.

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"We're rollin' on the Mickey's Birthdayland Express"

Ron Schneider — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:05:00 GMT

Today's lesson: Sometimes our Disney fan obsessions do pay off.

When EPCOT Center opened in 1982, Steve Hansen was already an accomplished puppeteer and performer, working as the PuppetMan in World Showcase. Someone as talented & versatile as Steve was bound to go far in the Walt Disney world.

In 1988 Steve was hired as show writer and director for Mickey's Birthdayland, the first new "land" to be added to the Magic Kingdom.

Photo by Jeff Lange

Faced with the task of getting guests to the new land, tucked away in the northeast corner of the Magic Kingdom, the decision was made to re-theme the WDW Railroad as Mickey's Birthdayland Express. The Main Street Depot and the trains themselves would be decorated with balloons and bunting and stacks of presents, and an all-new ride experience would be created for the “Grand Circle Tour of the Magic Kingdom.”

Steve knew I was an obsessed fan of old Disneyland ride narrations. He invited me to help create the new train show and to write & record the narration.

I started by riding the train with a stop watch and notepad, timing each segment of the trip and noting each landmark & transition. This way the script would (hopefully) blend seamlessly with the guest experience.

Photo by Jeff Lange

We wanted some theming along the tracks to build anticipation for the party. So we planted little scenes along the way that would show the rest of the Disney Gang were heading there too. The Three Pigs were pictured in their House of Straw on a raft in the waterway that ran alongside the track. The Mad Hatter's Tea Party was out in the woods. But there was no one at the table. A sign declared "Gone to Mickey's Party." Pinocchio, Cleo & Figaro were shown en route to the party, enjoying a puppet show at Stromboli's wagon before they continued on their way.

I thought we might put a cut-out of Goofy & his jalopy out there, with the hood up and smoke pouring from his overheated engine. Steve suggested actually putting the real Goofy and a real car out by the tracks. He could flag down the train, trying to hop on. I told him they'd never put a costumed character to sit out in the woods waiting for the next train to come along.

Steve got them to do it! (On days when there was no live performer a cutout Goof was placed next to the car.)

Photo by Jeff Lange

With another "brilliant" idea of mine, I wasn't so lucky. I wanted a railroad crossing set up with red lights and a clanging bell. Stopped at the crossing, waiting for the train to pass, would be Cruella in her long Coupe De Vil. Naturally she'd be glaring out the window, angrily waiting for us to pass.

And packed into the car would be all the other great Disney Villains, smashed together in the back seat – with Chernabog crushed and hunched over behind the others.

Steve liked the idea and presented it for approval at an executive meeting. It was voted down because, as one fellow put it, “The Disney villains wouldn't do that.” It wasn't long after this that "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" was released, proving that the Disney Villains were only acting evil (and probably did carpool to work).

Photo by Jeff Lange

When I started scripting the narration, I was most inspired by the long-gone "Mine Train thru Nature's Wonderland" at Disneyland. That narrator had a folksy charm and a dry sense of humor. That attitude would keep the script from becoming too saccharine, so I used that same frontier dialect in the recording session:

“Howdy, folks! And welcome aboard the Walt Disney World Railroad, leavin' for a grand circle trip around the Magic Kingdom with stops at Frontierland and Duckburg, U.S.A., home of Mickey's Birthdayland.

While we're movin', please remain seated with your hands, arms, legs, and anything else you got inside the train. And if you want to laugh, sing or kiss your neighbor, that's fine ... But please refrain from eatin', drinkin and smokin'!

We're now passin' through the outskirts of Adventureland. If you hear the anguished cries of a jungle beast echoin' through the undergrowth ... It's only me. I got my big toe caught in the brake.”

Photo by Jeff Lange

While writing the proposal I had an idea for a gag that I put in just for Steve to read. I never intended it for the ride itself, and I was sure he'd get a kick out of it and then cut it out:

“There across the river is Liberty Square – Home of the inspiring Haunted Mansion ... and the spooky Hall of Presidents.”

When we got around to recording the narration track, Steve said, “Do it.”

I was amazed. “You can't put that on the ride!”

Steve smiled, “Do it.” So I did it. We cut the track and didn't record an alternate take.

Photo by Jeff Lange

The gag was still there in the final edit. It was burned into the narration disc, installed on the trains and it passed inspection by management. I could only assume they were enjoying the view at that moment.

Later I was told that one executive finally caught it months later and reported " ... an apparent misread in the narration." When informed that it was meant as a joke, he muttered “Didn't sound like a joke.” It lasted on the train for the next 2 years.

“Next stop is Mickey's Birthdayland! Anyone here want to go to Mickey's Party, raise your hand. One, two, three ... Okay, we're goin' to stop.

”Duckburg is the feather pillow capital of the world. Times have been good for the Duckburgers ... Down is up!”

Photo by Jeff Lange

It was an amazing experience to ride that steam train for the first time and hear the crowd laughing at our gags. Composer Steve Skorija had even composed a wonderfully catchy theme song for the ride that was used to punctuate my narration:

“We're rollin', rollin' on the express;
We're rollin' on the Mickey's Birthdayland Express!

“We're all aboard the express bound for Birthdayland,
We have a date with Mickey Mouse in Birthdayland!

Donald Duck: We'll have a whole lot of fun!

Chip & Dale: So come on everyone!

We've got a big surprise for Mickey Mouse!”

Photo by Jeff Lange

After Mickey's Birthdayland gave way to Mickey's Toon Town Fair, the narration was rewritten (and the humor removed) by other hands. But I was still invited back to lay down the new tracks. And every so often, as things along the route were changed, I'd be called into Studio D to patch in some new information.

Years passed. Steve Hansen moved to the Canadian Rockies and started a wonderful special events company, Peak Events. We reunited at the historic Banff Springs Hotel for "Van Horne's Grand Buffet" dinner show in the summers of '98 & '99. It was great working with my old friend again.

In 2000, I got back from Canada and eagerly boarded the steam train to see if I was still on the soundtrack. I was pleasantly surprised to hear my voice still coming through the speakers...

Until we got to Frontierland Station and I heard some things I knew I'd never recorded. Not only had I been replaced in the time I was away ... They'd gone to the trouble of finding someone who sounded exactly like me.

Photo by Jeff Lange

Yes, kiddees ... Fame is fleeting. Especially in the Theme Park trade.

Jim Hill here. And wasn't that a great look back at "Mickey's Birthdayland" ?

Just a reminder, though. Mickey's 60th birthday celebration is just one of the many intriguing Disney-related projects that Ron Schneider has worked on over the past four decades. And he'll be sure to even more of these stories in his memoir, "Themes, Dreams & Schemes: 40 Years Behind a Nametag." Be sure and note that title. For this is one book that you're really going to want to add to your 2008 Christmas list.

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