First there was Disney’s “Tarzan,” the movie. Which was closely followed by Disney’s “Tarzan,” the soundtrack; Disney’s “Tarzan,” the action figure; Disney’s “Tarzan,” the Happy Meal toy; Disney’s “Tarzan,” the theme park attraction; Disney’s “Tarzan,” the animated television series and — inevitably — Disney’s “Tarzan,” the direct-to-video sequel.
And now there’s Disney’s “Tarzan,” the new Broadway musical. Or — as the New York critics prefer to call this show — Disney’s “Tarzan,” the pinata.
Copyright Disney Enterprises, LLC
I mean, have you heard about the critical drubbing that this new musical (which just opened on Broadway this past Wednesday night) received? The critics were absolutely brutal.
Here’s a sampling of what they had to say:
Tarzan Arrives on Broadway, Airborne
The tree-surfing title character is not the only creature sailing through the air in “Tarzan,” the giant, writhing green blob with music that opened last night at the Richard Rodgers Theater. Apes, flowers, moths, a snake, a leopard, a hut-size spider, two shipwrecked Victorians, an English botanist in her underwear: no sooner do such figures make their entrances in this restless adaptation of the 1999 Disney animated film than they find themselves pulled into some kind of airborne aerobics.
Almost everybody and everything swings in “Tarzan.” Which is odd, since the show itself, to borrow from Duke Ellington’s famous credo, definitely ain’t got that swing.
— Ben Brantley, The New York Times
Bungle in the Jungle
YOU, “Tarzan”! Me, Agonized!
Disney’s new musical swung shakily into the Richard Rodgers Theatre last night, and as far I’m concerned, it can swing right back out again.
— Clive Barnes, New York Post
‘Tarzan’: Me, critic; you lame!
I found myself consulting my watch frequently during “Tarzan,” the Disney musical that brings the current Broadway season to an inglorious close.
— Howard Kissel, the New York Daily News
This apeman’s story lacks in hang time
Tarzan wears a leather loincloth and flies over the audience on a rope. Gorillas spin around in aerial cartwheels like hairy tumbleweeds. Even Jane finds herself airborne in the clutches of a gigantic spider web.
Flora and fauna and fur balls hang in the jungle stratosphere with agile beauty in “Tarzan,” Disney’s latest animation-to-Broadway musical. The only hanging the show doesn’t do is hang together.
— Linda Winer, New York Newsday
“Tarzan” does for gorillas what “Lestat” does for vampires — very little.
— John Simon, Bloomberg
“Tarzan” : 4 out of 10 Stars
“Tarzan” has a promising start — a brilliantly staged shipwreck — but the musical itself doesn’t fly at all.
— Jess Cagle, WCBS
Fumble in the Jungle: Disney’s Tame ‘Tarzan’
You Tarzan. Me looking at watch.
— Peter Marks, the Washington Post
King of the bungle: Monkeys at typewriters could write a better show than ‘Tarzan’
The Disney organization spent a rumored $15 million to $20 million to bring Tarzan to the stage. And what they have to show for it is a wimpy, shifty-eyed, lost little boy.
— Lawson Taitte, the Dallas Morning News
“Tarzan” will have you yelling
Orthopedists and chiropractors, take note: A golden career opportunity may have just arrived on Broadway.
— Elysa Gardner, USA Today
Disney Brings Tarzan to Broadway
Tarzan, baby, you’ve come a long way from the days of Johnny Weissmuller — and that’s not necessarily a compliment.
— Michael Kuchwara, Associated Press
Mind you, those folks who checked out “Tarzan” ‘s reviews on line yesterday got a rather gruesome chuckle from some of the ad buys that Disney Theatrical had supposedly done prior to “Tarzan” ‘s official opening on Wednesday night. As you can see by looking at these image captures of the New York Times webpage …
Copyright 2006 the New York Times
… as well as the New York Newsday webpage …
Copyright 2006 New York Newsday
… you have these incredibly brutal reviews of “Tarzan” in ridiculously close proximity to brightly colored ads that loudly trumpet that “More tickets (are) on sale now!”
Speaking of tickets sales … When I spoke with the house manager of the Richard Rodgers theatre on Tuesday night, he told me that — at that time — they were already selling tickets to “Tarzan” through December of this year. Early on Thursday morning, Disney Theatrical reportedly put seats for January & February of 2007 up for sale. Though — given the complete lack of a line at “Tarzan” ‘s box office yesterday — I’m told that most of those new seats are still up for grabs.
So what do all of these awful reviews and/or the public’s seeming disinterest in buying any tickets for performances of “Tarzan” beyond December 2006 mean? Well, I know that a lot of people are already predicting that Disney Theatrical will move quickly to close this $15 million flop. Sweep this expensive embarassment under the rug and then concentrate all of its efforts on successfully transferring “The Lion King” from the New Amsterdam to the Minskoff, and then focusing on “Mary Poppins” Broadway debut in the Fall.
But me? Based on what I’ve been hearing, I think that Disney Theatrical is going to try & make a go of it with “Tarzan.” Take all of the Mouse’s marketing might and then try & turn this critical disappointment into an “Aida” -sized success. I mean, let’s remember that that Elton John musical didn’t exactly get great reviews when it opened at the Palace back in March of 2000. But through careful promotion (as well as regularly dropping new pop divas into that show’s title role), Disney Theatrical was eventually able to eek out a very respectable run for that much maligned musical.
And given that “Tarzan” is a better known brand name than “Aida” ever was, it will probably be that much easier for Mickey to market his new musical to tourists. Particularly given that — even though most of the critics hammered on “Tarzan” for having such a lackluster book and/or uninspired direction — nearly all of the reviews mentioned (at least in passing) how how spectacular the show looked. How impressive this new musical’s flying effects were … At least for “Tarzan” ‘s first 10 minutes, anyway.
To be honest, if there’s anyone who should be worried right now, it’s probably Josh Strickland, the former “American Idol” contestant who plays the title role in the Mouse’s new musical. From what several Disney Theatrical insiders have told me, one of the company’s rescue plans for “Tarzan” (As they desperately search for ways to incite theater-goers to come cough up $100+ for an orchestra seat at their new show) involves quickly buying out Strickland’s contract and then hiring some name performer / celebrity to come in & play the role of “Tarzan.”
So if you want to see Strickland swinging down from the mezzanine at the Richard Rodgers, then you’d best start “Movin’ Out” for this 46th Street theatre. For there may be some other better known performer filling Tarzan’s loincloth in the not-so-distant future.
Anyway, that’s the latest on Disney Theatrical’s latest production. I’ll be back with more information on “Tarzan” and its troubles next week. But — for now — you folks have a great weekend, okay?
Your thoughts?