Site icon Jim Hill Media

Don’t Shoot the Messenger

Jim Hill

You know, there’s an old cliché that says: People who like politics and sausage shouldn’t watch either being made.

Well, based on the reaction that last Friday’s “A Question of Character” story, maybe we’d better add “people who love Disney theme park rides” to that list.

I mean, I’ve never seen e-mail like this before, folks. People virtually frothing at the mouth (in an e-mail sort of way) because they just flat-out refused to accept the premise of that piece. Which (in a nutshell) said that — if the Imagineers really want to make sure that a new ride, show or attraction that they’re proposing for construction in a Disney theme park gets approved by current Disney management — they’d best fold in some Disney-character related content into the mix.

For some odd reason, just the fact that I would dare to say something like this (Which — to my way of thinking, anyway — was just stating the obvious) drove some JHM readers right over the edge. Which is why (I guess) I got dozens of pieces of angry e-mail over the weekend. From people who were determined to prove me wrong.

Typically, the examples that these folks would cite in an effort to support their arguments would include:

Well, far be it from me to throw a bit more gasoline on the bonfire … But — were you diehard Disneyana fans to just remove your rose-colored glasses — you’d clearly see that:

“Mission: Space” — is based on Touchstone Pictures’ March 2000 release, “Mission to Mars.” Don’t believe me? Well, then you might really want to take a closer look the next time you wander through the queue of this Future World pavilion. Those models of spacecraft that you see dangling overhead? Those are actually miniatures that were used in the making of the movie’s various special effects sequences. That large rotating space station set (You know? The one that makes those extremely motion-sensitive folks who are standing in line feel kind of woozy? Just because they can’t help but stare at this giant revolving thing?) was also used in the making of this Touchstone Pictures release.

And who’s the host of “Mission: Space” ‘s pre-show film? Gary Sinise, one of the stars of “Mission to Mars.” And — once you board your flight simulator — where do you supposedly go? You go on a simulated “Mission to Mars.”

Getting the picture yet, folks? Of course, had “Mission to Mars” done much better at the box office (This Touchstone Pictures’ release only pulled in $60 million during its domestic run. Which didn’t even come close to covering that film’s $100 million price tag), the Imagineers would have been happy to play up the all-too-obvious connection between this Future World pavilion and that Brian DePalma film. But — given that Disney Company management had already written off “M2M” as a flop by the late Spring of 2000 — WDI was asked to play down the link between “Mission: Space” and the “Mission to Mars” movie.

But then — when 2002 rolled around and the Imagineers released that they had little or no money left to cover the cost of decorating “Mission: Space” ‘s queue area — that’s when WDI decided to revisit its original decision to deliberately link this Future World pavilion to “M2M.” They figured that — if they just used the props, sets & models from “Mission to Mars” but didn’t actually mention the movie — Well, that couldn’t possibly offend any current Disney Company managers. Who hold to that old Hollywood tradition that you always bury your mistakes, that you never actually admit that you ever had a flop.

That decision seems to have worked. To my knowledge, Disney CEO Michael Eisner has never complained about seeing all that “Mission to Mars” stuff on display as he strolled through “Mission: Space” ‘s queue area. Knowing how tight with a buck Uncle Mike is, he was probably thrilled that the Imagineers found such an affordable way to decorate the interior of the attraction.

(Speaking of Disney & money … There’s a fascinating story about that “Mission to Mars” movie. The Walt Disney Company actually let the first director that they hired for that film — Gore Verbinski — go because he wanted “M2M” to be a special effects extravaganza. A film with no less than 600-700 effects shots.

Disney wasn’t willing to spend the money necessary to to make that version of “Mission to Mars.” So they let Gore go and replaced him with Brian DePalma. Who significantly pared down the scope & proposed cost of the project so that his version of the film would only feature 240 effects shots.

Long story short: Brian’s low budget version of “M2M” failed to really wow audiences. So — the next time that Disney hired Gore Verbinski to direct a motion picture — they let him have all the special effects shots he wanted.

That picture turned out to be much more popular than “Mission to Mars.” Maybe you’ve heard of it? “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”?

Okay. That’s enough with the cute little informational asides. Let’s get back to our main story, already in progress, shall we?)

Next up is “GM Test Track” — Which even I have to admit doesn’t have an obvious Disney character tie-in.

Mind you, that’s not for lacking of trying on Disney’s part. The Mouse actually lobbied long & hard for the auto maker to allow the Imagineers to include a brief cameo by Herbie the Love Bug as part of that Future World thrill ride. But General Motors executives nixed that idea. The closest that GM would come to caving in to Disney’s we-need-to-put-some-sort-of-character-into-this-attraction request was allowing the Mouse to develop that Crash Test Dummy Goofy walk-around character that occasionally makes appearances just outside of this Epcot pavilion. Which — of course — then allowed Disney to create the plush doll version of Crash Test Dummy Goofy. Which (I’m told) is a really big seller in the post-show shop area at “GM Test Track.”

Getting back to “Herbie” for a moment … Given that Disney’s just greenlit production of a big screen remake of “The Love Bug” (Which is supposed to star Lindsay Lohan), I think that we should expect to see this Herbie-makes-an-appearance-at-Epcot idea get revisited. I’m told that the Imagineers have already begun scouting around the “GM Test Track” entrance area, looking for possible locations for a “Herbie” photo op spot.

Getting back to “Test Track” … Among the other ideas that Disney tried to get GM to go along with was having Tim Allen (I.E. The star of Disney’s then-still-on-the-air sitcom, “Home Improvement”) as the “host” of this Future World pavilion. That’s the other aspect of this new equation that WDI constantly has to deal with. As in: If you can’t come up with some sort of Disney character-based hook to build your new ride or attraction around, then you then have to find a Disney-related celebrity or performer that you can then use as that show’s “host”?

I mean, take a look at how Whoopi Goldberg (Star of Disney’s “Sister Act” movies) wound up being the “host” of DCA’s “Golden Dreams” attraction. Or — for that matter — how Whoopi, Tim Allen, Drew Carey, Regis Philbin & Jackie Chan ended up in “Superstar Limo.” Or Rosie O’Donnell (The voice of Terk in “Tarzan”) and Colin Mochrie (Acclaimed improv performer from ABC’s “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”) wound up as the “hosts” of the Boudin Bakery tour.

These days, this has become the automatic default position for WDI. If you can’t find a Disney character that’s appropriate to build a theme park attraction around, you then search for a Disney-and/or-ABC-related celebrity to serve as your show’s “host.” Or — if you’re really desperate — you search for some way to combine these two elements.

Take — for example — “Soarin’.” This DCA attraction as well as its opening-in-2005 clone features sitcom star Patrick Warburton (Who also did the voice of Kronk for “The Emperor’s New Groove” as well as for the film’s video premiere sequel, “The Emperor’s Newer Groove”) as the “host” of this attraction’s pre-show. Then — to fold in that Disney-character-based element — this show ends with a fly-over of Disneyland as well as a close encounter with a computer animated Tinker Bell.

Okay. I’ll admit that some of these Disney-character-related moments are brief — like Herbie’s cameo in the “Moteurs! … Action Stunt Show Spectacular” — and/or seem somewhat tenuous — like Aerosmith serving as the “hosts” of Disney-MGM & Walt Disney Studios’ “Rock n Roller Coaster.” (The Imagineers only went after this legendary rock group because the Walt Disney Company already had a pre-existing relationship with Steve Tyler & Co. As you may recall, Areosmith recorded “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” Which was the “hit single” from the soundtrack of Disney’s summer 1998 release, “Armageddon.”)

You picking up on the pattern yet, folks? There’s always got to be some sort of Disney-related connection these days if an attraction’s going to get management’s final approval for construction.

Even DAK’s still-under-construction “Expedition Everest” has a movie tie-in. Don’t believe me? Then go to Google and look up “Esau.” You’ll see that “Esau” is a Philip Kerr novel about the discovery of the Yeti. More importantly, it’s also a book that the Walt Disney Company purchased the movie rights to back in 1997. “Esau” has been in & out of development at the studio for almost seven years now.

Now — according to my sources at Imagineering — the real reason that “Expedition Everest” exists at all at DAK is that the folks at Touchstone (a few years back) told the Imagineers that “We’re doing this movie based on a book about a search for the Yeti in the Himalayas. Do you think you guys could build a ride around a character and a setting like that?”

Well … Obviously, they could.

As for Lucky the dinosaur … If ABC’s “Dinotopia” TV series had proven to be a hit, the Walt Disney Company would have probably been much more upfront about this character’s true origin. That this autonomous walking figure was actually inspired by one of James Gurney’s characters. But — once the television project based on Gurney’s books bombed — Disney wanted to distance itself from that disappointment. Which how Lucky wound up being just some generic dinosaur.

Speaking of disappointments … I know that it’s got to be really disappointing to some of you Disneyana fans out there to realize that these are the sorts of factors that actually influence which attractions get built at the theme parks. As is: Which set of characters can we tie this expensive new ride system to? And/or if we fold this hot celebrity into the show, will Eisner then allow us to build this attraction?

But that’s just the nature of the beast these days, folks. Building a new Disney theme park ride, show or attraction around a preexisting set of characters and/or a celebrity not only makes it easier for WDI to get a project greenlit … It also makes it that much easier for the theme park to later promote that show. To sum up the story & theme of a particular attraction in one quick sound bite. “The Tower of Terror? It’s like you’re starring in your very own episode of ‘The Twilight Zone.’ “

And — yes — I’ll admit it. “The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror” is probably the only theme park attraction where I can’t come up with a clear cut Disney-character-or-celebrity related tie-in. Though — if I really wanted to stretch things — I could point out that the child star who winds up disappearing when the hotel is struck by lightning is seen clutching a Mickey Mouse doll as she enters the elevator.

But — obviously — there are exceptions to these rules. Take — for example — those recently constructed attractions like “Primeval Whirl” & “TriceraTops Spin” at “Chester & Hester’s Diorama” area at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Which clearly don’t follow the pattern that I’ve described in detail in this article.

But — when you take a step back and take a real hard look at the big picture — you’ll see that adding Disney-characters-and/or-Disney-related-celebrities really has really become the Imagineers’ default position. I mean, look at how DAK’s “Conservation Station” went under the knife, only to return from rehab as “Rafiki’s Planet Watch”? Or — for that matter — how the characters from “Finding Nemo” recently got folded into Epcot’s “Living Seas” pavilion?

Is there a danger in Disney taking this sort of approach to all of its upcoming theme park expansion projects & redos? Sure. Tomorrowland — for example — may soon become just a Sci-Fi-themed version of Fantasyland. With all the real science inspired attractions being forced out to this area to make room for rides & shows like “Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin” & “Stitch’s Great Escape” … Not to mention the “Little Green Men Flying Saucers,” the “Finding Nemo” themed redo of the Subs as well as the “Cars” themed overlay for the Autopia that are reportedly waiting in the wings.

Now I know that a lot of you out there are still probably going to find things to complain about with this article. Some minor flaw in my logic. Which — to your way of thinking — totally negates what I’ve been trying to say here.

Well, if that’s really the case, then … So be it then. Just please don’t shoot the messenger for trying to state the obvious.

Though I guess I should point out that — out of the dozens of pieces of e-mail that I received this past weekend — I never got a single letter of complaint from a Imagineer. Not one. Nobody at WDI felt the need to step forward and say: “You got it wrong, Jim.” It was only the Disneyana fans who just HAD TO pick apart the premise of that piece.

Whereas the guys from WDI … Given that that what I’ve been describing here is old news to them, just a hard reality that they have to live with — day in & day out — … The Imagineers didn’t challenge the piece. If anything, they used my “A Question of Character” story as an opportunity to indulge in a little gallows humor.

Take — for example — this mordant joke that one former Imagineer sent my way on Saturday:

The next attractions to be suggested for DCA will be Country Bears, Haunted Mansion and Pirates, all remakes based on the movies.

Which — given the wrong headed way that the Walt Disney Company has been running its theme parks lately (As well as that persistent rumor that the old “Country Bear” AA figures may eventually be used to decorate the sparser section of DCA’s “Grizzly River Run” attraction) — the above joke is probably more truthful than we know.

Anyway … I’m sure that the above article will probably give the more fanatical of you Disneyana fans out there even more to complain about. But — as for the rest of you folks — what do you think?

Exit mobile version