You know, it’s getting harder and harder to predict what’s going to set you guys off.
Take — for example — Last Friday. As part of my most recent “Why For” column, I answered a reader’s question about “Captain EO.” To be specific: A query about whether this 17-minute long 3D spectacular was ever going to be available for purchase in the home video or DVD format.
My reply to this JHM reader was that I thought it extremely unlikely that “Captain EO” would ever be available for purchase here in the states. Due mostly to the extremely convoluted deals that the Walt Disney Company had had to cut with Michael Jackson, Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas in order to have this particular project go forward.
Which was when the e-mails began pouring from all these JimHillMedia.com readers who — while they seemed to like the site — seemed positively eager to point two things that they felt that I’d gotten wrong in my answer to that particular question:
1. “Captain EO” actually aired once on VH1 back in the mid-to-late 1990s.
2. That there were at least three copies of seemingly authorized “Captain EO” videos and DVDs currently available for purchase/up for bidding on eBay.
Soooo … does this mean that I should now start doing my Commander Blogg impression? (You remember Commander Blogg, don’t you? That officious character that the late comic *** Shawn played in “Captain EO?” The one who was unable to see all of the chaos that had erupted on board Captain EO’s ship when that vessel came under attack … because Hooter — the obnoxious little elephant-like alien in this film — had flung a fried egg unto Blogg’s hologram, thereby blocking the commander’s view.)
Nah. There’s no need for me to wipe egg from my face. Not this time, anyway.
You see, I was answering that JHM reader’s question about whether “Captain EO” would ever be available for purchase. Not whether this 3D film had ever aired on network television. Had I actually been asked that question, I would have talked about how it was Michael Jackson himself who had supposedly negotiated a deal with the Walt Disney Company, Francis Ford Coppola and George Lucas. Paying each of the parties a pretty hefty fee just so that “Captain EO” could air — for one time only — on VH1.
If I’m remembering correctly, this was done as part of the promotion for Michael’s “History” album. The gimmick here was supposed to be that — in one marathon-length TV special — all of the music videos that Jacko had ever appeared in would be shown back-to-back. (This was done with the hope that — by showing VH1 viewers all of Jackson’s previous hits — this might compel them to rush on out and buy copies of “History.” Which would hopefully drive up domestic sales of the King of Pop’s newest album to “Thriller”-esque levels. It’s just too bad that that’s not actually how things went down …)
Anyway … I’m not exactly sure why Michael felt that “Captain EO” had to be included as part of this music video marathon. Perhaps it was because Jacko lumped this theme park project in with his longer form projects like “Thriller” and “Ghosts.” Whatever the reasoning involved here, what is certain is that — sometime in the mid-to-late 1990s, well after “Captain EO” had stopped being shown in Disneyland and Walt Disney World (“EO” ended its run at Epcot’s Imagination” pavilion on June 6, 1994; the Disneyland version of the 3D movie didn’t shut down ’til April 6, 1997) — this film aired on VH1 … which was when (evidently) a large number of JHM readers decided to make a tape of this particular 3D movie.
Near as I can figure, at least 50 of you set up your VCRs that night specifically so you could tape “Captain EO.” Which brings us to the second part of the equation: all those “Captain EO” videos and DVDs that are currently up for sale/up for bid on eBay.
My apologies if this next bit sounds like I’m splitting hairs. That I’m deliberately trying to be slippery. But — honestly, folks — I thought that the JHM reader who was writing in last week was asking if there’d ever be an AUTHORIZED home video or DVD version of “Captain EO” up for sale.
You see, near as I can figure, all of those “Captain EO” videos and DVDs that are currently for sale/up for bid on eBay are knock-offs. Cleverly packaged and admittedly very professional looking. But — in the end — they’re still knock-offs. Illegal copies of a film that hasn’t yet officially been released in the home video and DVD format.
Based on conversations that I’ve had over the past weekend with representatives from Buena Vista Home Entertainment, I can say (with some amount of certainty) that “Captain EO” has never officially been issued in the home video and/or the DVD format. At least here in the U.S. Mind you, I’ve still got people overseas checking to see if this Michael Jackson 3D movie was ever up for sale at Disneyland Paris and/or Tokyo Disneyland. When they finally get back to me, I’ll pass along the definitive report. But — as of right now — that seems kind of unlikely as well.
Which — again — points to these various versions of “Captain EO” that are currently for sale/up for bid on eBay as being knock-offs. Which — given the vast differences in the additional features that are offered on each of these tapes and discs — sort of makes sense now.
Take — for example — an “EO” VHS that’s currently up for bid. This tape includes four different versions of the movie: A director’s cut of “Captain EO,” a standard version, a widescreen version as well as a widescreen work print version that still has the time codes embedded in the film. This tape also includes a copy of the “Making of ‘Captain EO'” TV special (hosted by Whoopi Goldberg) as well as the attraction’s grand opening celebration at Disneyland (a parade which was hosted by “Family Ties” Justine Bateman).
Meanwhile, that DVD version of “Captain EO” … well, this auction item includes the 3D movie in standard and wide screen and a copy of the “Making Of” TV special. But — in addition — this disc includes the “Another Part of Me” promo video. Plus the seller is throwing in a CD of the attraction’s soundtrack, which features “… edits and arrangements of ‘We Are Here to Change the World’ and ‘Another Part of Me.'”
Mind you, this particular version of the “Captain EO” DVD is only available in the PAL format. Which — once again — has me wondering if a Disney authorized edition of “EO” actually was available for sale for some point in video or DVD format in Europe and Asia. Just not here in the Americas. (Hey, stranger things have happened, kids. Please remember that “Song of the South” has been available for sale in Japan for nearly a decade now. While — back here in the States — Buena Vista Home Entertainment keeps telling consumers that the Walt Disney Company has placed a permanent moratorium on “SOTS.” Meaning: We’ll only pull this title out of our library and up for sale after we run out of other things to sell.)
But — as I look over all the additional features listed on these (perhaps bogus) “Captain EO” videos and DVDs on eBay — I never see the extra feature that I’m really looking. Which is a copy of “Captain Eeyore.”
“What’s ‘Captain Eeyore’?” you ask? Surely, some of you know about the films that Disneyland cast members used to make to amuse themselves. Typically, these productions were put together — with management approval, mind you — as entertainment that could be shown at area parties. You know, when the crew that worked in Fantasyland and/or Tomorrowland would gather at the end-of-the-summer season for a beer blast or after Christmas for a “We Actually Survived the Holiday Season at Disneyland” celebration.
Over the past 15 years, I’ve been lucky enough to see a number of these admittedly-amateurish-but-still-somewhat-entertaining movies. As you might expect, there are some films that are better than others. I recall one that was built around Frontierland and Adventureland employees lip-syncing to Prince songs — a gimmick that got old real fast — that still had its moments. There was also one that featured the crew from Disneyland’s old “Skyway” attraction that was pretty funny. Particularly when these cast members began singing their version of “Ole Man River.” AKA “Ole Man Skyway.”
But the best — by far — was “Captain Eeyore.” Which is a dead-on spoof of the theme park’s $15 million 3D extravaganza. Starring Pooh’s old pal — that terminally depressed donkey, Eeyore — as Captain Eeyore.
As one watches this video, one can’t help but wonder “How did these Disneyland cast members ever get permission to do this?” For — you see — the central gag behind this film is that you have Disneyland walk-around characters standing in for the various characters from the “Captain EO” 3D film. And the members of the “Zoo Crew” who are wearing these costumes are behaving in a very undignified (or is that “unDisneyified”) manner.
So — instead of the Geex, that furry two-headed creature from the original “Captain EO” 3D film that was called Idy and Ody — you have Tweedledum and Tweedledee. And — instead of the metallic Major Domo — you have Tigger in a Future World-ish space suit. And — instead of Hooter — you have Pooter. That’s right. Our old pal, Winnie the Pooh.
Mind you, “Captain Eeyore” features a Disneyland cast member performing in the old version of the park’s Winnie the Pooh costume. You know, the one that was notorious among “Zoo Crew” members because — due to the restrictive way that this costume was constructed — the person who was stuck inside had virtually no use of his arms. Which meant that — should a performer trip and fall down while they were wearing this particular Pooh costume — they were screwed. They were forced to stay sprawled on the ground until another cast member came along to help them back onto their feet.
Given the horrible reputation that this particular character costume had, “Captain Eeyore” attempts to mine a lot of humor out of that Pooh suit. Some of you may recall that scene in “Captain EO” where Hooter has to jump and strain in order to reach the button that will pull in the spaceship’s sails. Well, in “Captain Eeyore,” the cast member who’s stuck in the Winnie the Pooh suit has the same assignment. Only — in this version of the film’s story — you get to see Pooh failing away with his useless arms, trying to hit that button. You even get to see the human inside the suit — straining to reach that button — by reaching his hand out of the “Hunny” pot that sits on top of Pooh’s head.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee also provide a lot of humor in this picture. But only if you realize that — for a number of years — Disney CEO Michael Eisner insisted that these “Alice in Wonderland” characters no longer be allow to appear in the theme parks. Why for? Because Eisner evidently thought that the rounded facial features of these walk-around characters made Tweedledum and Tweedledee looked too much like mongoloids. So — since Uncle Michael didn’t want the Walt Disney Company to ever be accused of making fun of retarded children — he ordered that these character costumes could no longer be used in the park.
Of course, the operations staff at Disneyland and Walt Disney World immediately obeyed Michael’s orders. And these characters were indeed kept from appearing in the parks for a number of years … until people began to realize that — given how rarely Eisner ever actually walks through the theme parks — the Disney Company’s CEO would never know if they were using Tweedledee or Tweedledum again. So the ops people put these “Alice in Wonderland” walk-around characters (which had always been quite popular with the guests, by the way) back in the parks a couple of years ago. And Uncle Mike has never caught on that his expressed order was now being deliberately ignored.
Anywho … there’s this gag in “Captain Eeyore” that actually manages to makes fun of both Michael Jackson and Michael Eisner in one single dialogue exchange. As the crew of Captain Eeyore’s ship stands cowering before the Supreme Leader (You know, the spider-like alien that Angelica Huston played in the original “Captain EO” film? Well — this time around — the villianess is this particularly demented looking version of Minnie Mouse), Tweedledum turns to Tweedledee and asks:
Tweedledum: Who’s that?
Tweedledee: The Supreme Leader.
Tweedledum: What? Diana Ross?
Tweedledee: (exasperated sigh, then …) You really are a mongoloid!
These sorts of in-jokes abound in “Captain Eeyore.” Take for example, the punishments that the Supreme Leader metes out to Captain Eeyore and his crew. “You (pointing to Pooh, Tigger, Tweedledum and Tweedledee) turn them into photo characters. While you (pointing at Eeyore) a hundred years of torture in the Inn Between.”
Now — in order to get those gags — you have to understand that Disney “Zoo Crew” members consider being assigned work as photo characters (where you have to stand in the hot sun all day being overly nice to tourists as they each get a picture of you posing with their children) as sheer torture. And that the Inn Between is the cast-members-only cafeteria that’s located right behind the Plaza Inn on Disneyland’s hub.
But it’s Captain Eeyore himself that truly makes this film a must-see. Mind you, I don’t know the name of the performer who’s trapped inside of that donkey suit. (Sadly, the version of “Captain Eeyore” that I saw didn’t have any production credits.) But clearly this guy (or was it this girl?) could dance. He made Michael Jackson’s trademark moves down cold. But there’s something that’s just fall down funny about seeing this six-foot-tall donkey trying to moonwalk. Or — better yet — Eeyore doing Jackson’s infamous pelvic thrusts.
Yeah, “Captain Eeyore” isn’t exactly a family film. And — admittedly — a number of its jokes are just a bit too inside for most members of the public to get. (EX: At one point, Commander Bob — “Captain Eeyore”‘s version of Commander Blogg — spies Tweedledum and Tweedledee sitting down inside the spaceship. Bob barks at the characters: “Hey! No sitting in costume!” Which always gets a big laugh from Disneyland cast members. But not so much as a snicker from foamers like you and I.) But — that said — this movie is still worth seeking out.
After all, how many times do you get the chance to see:
Eeyore leading a troupe of 24 professionally trained dancers (supposedly the cast of Disneyland’s “Videopolis” stage show) performing an exact copy of the “We Are Here to Change the World” number from “Captain EO.”
The Seven Dwarfs, wielding spears, goose-stepping their way toward the dancing donkey.
Two Queen of Hearts, each cracking a bullwhip, moving in to attack Captain Eeyore.
Clearly, a lot of time and effort went into this project. Given the size of “Captain Eeyore”‘s cast (as well as the large number of official Disneyland walk-around character costumes that were used in the making of this movie), it’s pretty hard to believe that Disneyland officials didn’t know that this movie was in production. More than likely, the managers in Anaheim were well aware of what was going on and that — provided that these Disneyland cast members made their film on their own time — they didn’t really have a problem with the project.
Now, what I find interesting is … I’ve seen several of these Disneyland-cast-member-produced movies from the 1980s … but I’ve never ever seen any cast-members-only films from the 1990s or the 2000s surface. Which begs the question: After Michael Eisner came to power and proved himself to be a fairly humorless individual, did Disneyland management begin to actively discourage this film-making practice? Out of fear that some of the somewhat pointed jokes that Anaheim’s amateur movie makers were making at Disney Studio’s expense might piss off someone powerful back in Burbank … which perhaps might result in someone (or maybe even several someones) getting their butts fired from Disneyland.
Which — if that’s what actually happened here — is really a shame. For these cast-members-produced movies don’t come across as being anything really malicious. They’re just films made by a bunch of kids who are blowing off a little steam. Poking fun at their supervisors and/or the silly attractions that they work on. After all, Disneyland is supposed to be “The Happiest Place on Earth,” isn’t it? So shouldn’t the employee who work there occasionally be allowed to poke fun at the place?
Evidently not. Or — at least — not anymore. Which is a shame. For — given the strides that have been made over the past 10 years in digital photography and editing technology — I’m betting that Disneyland cast members out there could turn out some home-grown epics right now that would really put “Captain Eeyore” to shame.
Anyway … should Disney ever actually get around to putting together an authorized version of the “Captain EO” film that could be sold here in the states, here’s hoping that they fold “Captain Eeyore” into that DVD’s extra features. After all, how many times in life do you get to see a film that features an exchange like this:
TIGGER: So how do we find the Supreme Leader?
TWEEDLEDUM: Follow the Yellow Brick Road?
TWEEDLEDEE: (Pulling a Moe Howard) Why, I oughta …
Your thoughts?