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“Pirates” already under attack? “Mansion” to be closed before it even opens?

Hollywood is a very strange town, kids. A place where people take great pleasure in witnessing the failure of the competition. So imagine how many studio execs were made positively giddy when news broke about how poorly Disney’s “The Country Bears” movie was faring.

This past weekend, it was all that “Bears” could do to collect a measly $408,814 at the box office. Which means that – even though “TCB” has been out in theaters for four weeks now – the film had only grossed $15,365,476. Making it highly unlikely that “Country Bears” will ever be able to cover its $30 million production costs (Not to mention the $10 – $15 million that Disney reportedly poured into promoting the project).

This grizzly news – to put it mildly – did not go over well in Bearbank … er … Burbank. Disney Studio executives had been so certain that “The Country Bears” would at least be a medium-sized hit (something in the $50 – $75 million gross range) that they had already ordered scribe Paul Rugg (“One Saturday Morning” vet AKA Manny the Uncanny) to start work on a sequel to the film.

Well, given how poorly “The Country Bears” has been performing, it now seems unlikely that we will ever see Rugg’s “Bears II” (Which – of course – is not to be confused with two bear rugs). But now the more pressing issue is: How will “TCB”‘s under-performance effect the two other based-on-classic-theme-park attractions movies that Disney currently has in the pipeline, Gore Verbinski’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” and Rob Minkoff’s “The Haunted Mansion”?

In spite of any misgivings that Disney studio execs may now be having about this two proposed films in the wake of “The Country Bears” poor performance, “Pirates” still seems ready to set sail. Production – which was initially supposed to get underway earlier this summer – will now begin in October. Academy Award winner Geoffrey Rush has reportedly been tapped to play Captain Blackheart, while Tim Burton favorite Johnny Depp has allegedly agreed to play the lead pirate in the picture, some “scurvy nave” named Jack.

Sounds like somewhat smooth sailing for Disney’s “Pirate” picture so far, right? Not according to “Daily Variety.” In the past six months, no less than four different writers have tried to get the script in shipshape. First Stuart Beattie (reportedly an expert on all matters piratical) was brought on board to take a shot at polishing Jay Wolpert’s original screenplay. Then Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot (best known as the screenwriters of Disney’s “Aladdin” and Dreamwork’s “Shrek”) were piped aboard to up the script’s scare factor.

The film – which will reportedly feature a storyline in which modern tourists find themselves battling with bloodthirsty pirates who are out to undo an ancient curse – will actually be shot on location in the Caribbean. Just last week, Industrial Light and Magic revealed that it had been signed to do FX work on the picture. And sources deep inside Disney Studios say that the company still expects big things from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” That Mickey and his minions still envision “POTC” as being the company’s “tentpole” picture for the summer of 2003 (I.E., the film that the studio will pin most of its economic hopes on- the movie that Disney expects to be its biggest success in the summer of 2003).

Well … if that’s really the case, then why is Disney reportedly already leaning on Verbinski (the film’s director) and Jerry Bruckheimer (“Pirates” producer) to scale back some of the movie’s more expensive-to-shoot sequences? Could it be – in the wake of “The Country Bears” non-performance – that Mickey’s now having second thoughts about the company spending a bloody fortune to make “Pirates of the Caribbean – The Movie”?

What exactly is Disney’s problem with “Pirates”? Well, given how the audience DIDN’T exactly turn out in record numbers for “Country Bears,” there are now executives in the Team Disney building who are wondering aloud if there’s really an audience out there for films based on Disney theme park attractions. Which doesn’t exactly bode well for Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” movie.

The buzz on the lot right now suggests that the start of production on “Mansion” – which was originally supposed to get underway in November – may now get pushed back, perhaps by as much as a year. Originally, Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” movie was supposed to the studio’s big release for October 2003 (Just in time for Halloween). Nowadays …well, the word is that Disney wants to first see how “Pirates” does during the summer of 2003 before it agrees to plow another $100 million or so into the production of another big effects picture that’s based on a theme park ride. If “Pirates of the Caribbean” fails to pull in a huge pile of box office gold next summer, you can bet that Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” movie won’t go forward as it was originally envisioned- as a big budget major theatrical release.

What’s that you say? You’ve heard that Rob Minkoff (The director of “The Lion King” & “Stuart Little I & II”) has already been hired to helm Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” movie? And that funnyman Eddie Murphy has been signed to be the film’s lead?

Well, back in July, this might have been construed as good news. But this is mid-August, folks. A time when Rob Minkoff is now known as the director of “Stuart Little II,” a film that Sony Pictures spent at least $120 million to make but has only grossed – to date – $54 million. And Eddie Murphy is currently the star of “The Adventures of Pluto Nash,” that sci-fi mega-bomb that Warner Bros. reportedly blew $100 million on. This past weekend – the film’s opening weekend, mind you – “Pluto Nash” only managed to pull in $2.1 million.

So here you have the first two “talents” that Disney has signed for its “Haunted Mansion” project. A director and a performer whose reputations have both taken a major ding at the box office this summer. So – given what’s just happened – would it really be all that surprising for the Mouse now to suddenly say “You know … due to scheduling conflicts (Or script concerns. Or some other lame sounding excuse), we’re going to push back the start of production on ‘Haunted Mansion’.” Just so the Walt Disney Company then has the time to properly evaluate the project, to see if it’s actually wise to go forward with production of a big budget “Mansion” movie.

Sounds kind of unlikely to you that Disney would derail a project this far into pre-production? Well, think back to November 2000, when Disney’s “102 Dalmatians” was under-performing at the box office. That Kevin Lima film was the movie that made Mouse House executives think that maybe moviegoers weren’t all that eager to see sequels to recent Disney releases. Which is why Mickey (even though a trailer for “The Santa Clause 2: The Escape Clause” trailer was already attached to the front of every single print of “102 Dalmatians”) opted to “postpone” production of that Tim Allen comedy in January 2001. Reportedly because the studio suddenly had “script concerns” with the project.

The good news is that – 13 months later – executives in the Team Disney building suddenly had a change of heart. Which is why “Santa Clause 2” (which now features the subtitle “The Mrs. Clause”) was put back into the production pipeline and will now hit theaters nationwide on November 1, 2002.

So – even if “The Haunted Mansion” does get postponed (Which – given all that’s going on with “The Country Bears,” Rob Minkoff and Eddie Murphy these days – this is looking more and more likely) – there is still a very strong possibility that this film will eventually get made, perhaps in time for release for Halloween 2004. Provided – of course – that Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie manages to haul in plenty of loot during the summer of 2003.

This last bit of news must be of some sort of comfort to Andrew Gunn, the producer of Disney’s “Country Bears” movie. For Gunn – as luck would have it – is also the producer of Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” film. Andrew’s also the guy who pursued Minkoff to direct the project, then signed Murphy to star in the movie. So Gunn would probably actually be thrilled if production of Disney’s “Haunted Mansion” movie got pushed back for a year or so. That way, that box office stink that currently surrounds Rob & Eddie & “TCB” would have a chance to dissipate.

A delay in the start of production might also give Andrew a chance to read & re-read David Berenbaum’s “Haunted Mansion” script. Which (hopefully) would give Gunn the opportunity to avoid the mistakes that he made on “The Country Bears” on his next based-on-a-theme-park-attraction movie. Whatever those might have been.

Anywho … Here’s hoping that Andrew’s very next picture for Disney – a big screen remake of that 1976 pseudo-classic, “Freaky Friday,” starring Annette Bening, Lindsay Lohan and (Can you believe it? Straight from MTV) Kelly Osbourne – does a lot better at the box office than “The Country Bears.” Otherwise, Rob Minkoff and Eddie Murphy may not be the only people that Disney will start having second thoughts about.

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