It’s supposedly one of Hollywood’s most closely guarded secrets: the test screening. That covert process whereby — months before a major motion picture is due to hit theaters — the still-unfinished film is quietly screened for a specially recruited audience.

Given the cloak-and-dagger atmosphere that typically surrounds a test screening (I.E. all the screening of prospective audience members that goes on prior to the actual screening), it’s really rare that a reporter ever gets to take part in the process. Let alone report on the event.

But last Tuesday night, yours truly took part in a really-for-real test screening. One that was held right on the Disney Studio lot. For a new Touchstone Pictures release, no less. And I lived to tell the tale. So what follows is my rather detailed report on this somewhat bizarre event.

This story actually starts Sunday before last, when Nancy and I — while on a break from “VES 2003: A Festival of Visual Effects” — were out exploring the Hollywood Farmers market. While strolling past the fresh produce & baked goods, the handmade arts and crafts, we chanced upon a man with a clipboard recruiting people for free movie screening.

Now longtime JHM readers will recall how I’m an absolute sucker when it comes to people who are carrying a clipboard. So I strode right up to this guy and asked what he was selling. He explained that he was recruiting audience members for a test screening on Tuesday night.

“What’s the film about?” I asked. With that, Bob (that’s what the guy’s name was, I think) shoved a green flyer in my hand. It read:

MOVIE VIEW invites you to a Private Screening
Raising Helen

You and a guest are invited to see RAISING HELEN, a new movie coming from a major studio. Helen Harris lives the exciting life of a young and carefree bachelorette in Manhattan. However, that life changes forever when Helen’s sister and brother-in-law pass away and their three children are left to her care. Now, through humor and heartbreak, Helen and this fragile new family must adjust to their new life together. And in the midst of her struggle to maintain a social life and love life while learning to be a single mom, Helen discovers that before she can raise a teenage daughter, an 11 year old son and a 5 year old daughter, she must first grow up herself. The cast includes Kate Hudson, John Corbett, Joan Cusack, Hector Elizando, and the Breslin kids – Spencer and Abby Breslin. RAISING HELEN is directed by Gary Marshall, who also directed THE PRINCESS DIARIES, RUNAWAY BRIDE and PRETTY WOMAN.

The screening — as it turns out — was to be held right on the Disney Studio lot. To be specific, inside the Main Theatre, just a couple of feet away from the corner of Mickey Avenue and Dopey Drive.

Now — given that I am a lifelong Gary Marshall fan (I’ve been systemically checking out Gary’s newest movies ever since I first caught his “Young Doctors in Love” back in the summer of 1982) and that I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of the Main Theatre on the Disney lot (this is where a lot of the final mix work is done for Disney’s major releases) looked like — this screening sounds like something that I really want to do. So I asked Bob how Nancy & I could go about securing tickets to Tuesday’s “Raising Helen” screening.

Bob quickly walked us through the process: In order to get tickets to that Tuesday’s test screening, we’d have to RSVP. Which meant that we had to call the toll-free number that was listed on the flyer and give our names to the “Movie View” representative. That way, when we drove up to the guard shack on the Disney lot early Tuesday evening, our names would actually be on the reservation list. Which would allow the Mouse House guard to just wave us through.

So — later that same day — Nancy and I actually called the Movie View reservation line. Which was an adventure onto itself.

Why For? Well, first of all, the Movie View phone rep wanted to know where we’d been recruited. More importantly, what the number was in the upper right hand corner of our “Raising Helen” leaflet. (41. Just so you know.)

Next came a flurry of questions:

How old are you?
Where are you from?
What ethnic group do you belong to?

All of which were designed to determine whether Nancy and I were the desired demographic for this particular screening. (According to the language used on the “Raising Helen” screening leaflet: “You and your guest should be between the ages of 15 to 54. No one under the age of 15 or infants will be permitted in the theater.”) Evidently, Nancy and I came through the initial screening process with flying colors. For we were told to report to the Disney lot Tuesday evening at 6:30 p.m. sharp, a full hour before the “Raising Helen” screening was supposed to begin.

Then — given that Bob had gifted us a few extra “Raising Helen” leaflets (so that we could bring a few friends along with us to the test screening) — we invited JHM columnist Chuck Oberleitner, as well as Jay (this friend of mine who works in theme park design) to come along with us on this adventure.

In the day or so before the actual test screening, I carefully re-read my “Raising Helen” leaflet as I tried to get some sense of what to expect from this experience. I was somewhat amused to read the line that said “No one will be admitted who appears to be intoxicated, under the influence of drugs, or is dirty, unkempt, improperly dressed or who may interfere with the screening enjoyment of others in the audience.” Which — if this is the case at all test screenings — must have made it really difficult for Nick Nolte to attend any sneak previews at “The Hulk.” (Kidding. Just kidding.)

But there was another line on the leaflet that really did give me pause:

“No one from the entertainment industry or media will be admitted.”

Sh*t. Given that my website is actually called “JimHillMedia.com” and — more importantly — given that I regularly write about the entertainment industry, I guess that means that I can’t really attend this test screening on the Disney lot.

But still … well, Nancy now had her heart set on attending the “Raising Helen” screening. And me personally, I’d always wanted to see what the inside of the Main Theatre on the Disney lot looked like. Plus this would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see how the NRG (I.E. the National Research Group, the Los Angeles-based outfit that typically runs the test screenings for all the major studios) actually operates.

So I made a little deal with myself. If the crew at Movie View and/or NRG discovered — as part of their pre-test-screening screening process — that I wrote about the Walt Disney Company for the internet, I would quietly and politely bow out. Leave the screening. Even drive off the lot, if I had to.

And — given that I had actually given that Movie View rep my real name and address — I had to assume that they’d eventually find me out. And — given that the “Raising Helen” leaflet featured language like “Since this is a recruited audience, if you and your guest do not meet the audience criteria for this screening, you and your guest will not be admitted” — I felt that chances were very strong that I’d be turned away as soon as I arrived on the lot.

Well, imagine my surprise early Tuesday evening as I rolled up to the Buena Vista Avenue entrance to Walt Disney Studios and identified myself as Jim Hill. The guard checked his clipboard and — sure enough — Nancy, Jay and I are on the official reservations list for that night’s test screening of “Raising Helen.” He then handed us some bright red wristbands (which we were supposed to put on before we exited our car), then directed us into the visitor’s parking lot.

So Nancy, Jay and I put on our bright red wristbands. Then — after exiting the car — we wandered the lot for a bit. Checking out the Disney Studio Store (you should see the oversized versions of the Crush and Bruce plush that they have up for sale here). Reading the historic plaque on the Hyperion bungalows (these were the only buildings that Walt took with him when he relocated his animation studio from the old Hyperion Avenue operation to their new Burbank digs). Stopping to use the restrooms just outside the Disney Studio commissary … before we finally decided to get in line with all the other would-be audience members who were camped out along Mickey Avenue.

It was at this point that the NRG staffers finally began in-processing Nancy, myself and Jay. Checking our names off the official reservation list, collecting our bright green “Raising Helen” screening leaflets, and then issuing us all a light blue admissions ticket for that night’s screening. Each of which was numbered (mine was 0092) and stamped “PRIORITY.”

Eventually, Chuck also joined us in line. And — as we stood there in the sun, waiting to be admitted to the “Raising Helen” screening — the four of us tried not to give ourselves away as media dweebs. Which — given that 90% of our conversation centered on the Walt Disney Company, its theme parks and/or the internet — proved to be pretty damned difficult.

CHUCK: Did you have a chance to catch my story on the site today? The one about the “Pirates” premiere event at Disneyland this past weekend?

JAY: What was that like?

NANCY: (As a suspicious looking NRG staffer clutching a clipboard walks close by us) Shhhh! Will you two be quiet? You’re going to ruin this for all of us.

Awkward pause. Then ….

JIM: Soooo … How about them Red Sox? Do you think this might be the year?

Despite a series of close calls involving both National Research Group personnel as well as Disney Studio security, Nancy, Chuck, Jay and I WERE eventually allowed to enter the Main Theatre on the lot. But not before the four of us (as well as all of the other would-be members of the audience) were forced to walk through a metal detector.

Why a metal detector? Not for the reasons that you might expect. Not for security reasons or because Disney or NRG staffers were worried that someone would bring weapons on the lot. But rather, because the Mouse and the National Research Group wanted to make sure that no one was trying to sneak a video camera into the test screening on this still-unreleased Touchstone Pictures production.

To quote from the back on my “Raising Helen” leaflet:

“This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any audio or video recording device into the theater and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person. Any attempted use of recording devices will result in immediate removal from the theater, forfeiture of the device, and may subject you to criminal and civil liability.”

So the purses of every woman entering the Main Theatre were thoroughly searched. And each and every person with a ticket to the “Raising Helen” test screening had to step through a metal detector before they were allowed to enter the auditorium.

That may sound a bit extreme, I know. But — to be truthful — that’s nothing compared to what people reportedly had to go through before they were allowed to attend an advance screening of “The Matrix Reloaded” earlier this year on the Warner lot. A friend who attended this particular showing talked about how audience members were forced to go through three separate security points — walking through three separate metal detectors — before they were finally allowed to take their seats for this early screening of the “Matrix” sequel. So — taking this into consideration — I guess Nancy, Chuck, Jay and myself should consider ourselves fortunate that we only had to endure a single trip through the metal detector before we were allowed to enter the auditorium.

The Main Theatre on the Disney Studio lot — as you might expect — was fairly plush. An auditorium filled with big comfortable seats, it looked like the place could hold 500-600 people, easy. Halfway down along the raked auditorium floor was a low walled-off area filled with sound mixing boards and equipment. As I mentioned earlier, this is where a lot of the final balancing work is done on major Disney releases.

Chuck, Nancy, Jay and I moved around the hall a bit before we finally found seats that we all liked. Which were dead center in the third row of the hall. Which — as it turns out — was a pretty lucky place to be seated. (More on that later.)

Anyway … 7:30 p.m. finally rolls around. And a NRG rep (Andy, I believe his name was) steps up to the front of the hall and welcomes us all. He first thanks us for agreeing to take part in this test screening. He then went on to say that the print of “Raising Helen” that we were about to see wasn’t actually a finished version of the film. That the movie’s title sequence wasn’t complete yet. That we’d probably be seeing a few scenes featuring green screen (which meant that the special effects shot needed to complete that sequence hadn’t been finished yet).

But — baring these few quibbles — the Gary Marshall movie that we were about to see was fairly complete. Andy then went on to say that — after “Raising Helen” had finished screening — that he’d like all of us to remain in our seats. Beyond that, we were just supposed to sit back and enjoy ourselves.

His introductory remarks complete, Andy signaled to the projection booth. The house lights dimmed and then … “Raising Helen” hit the screen.

So what did I think of the movie? To be honest, I liked “Raising Helen.” Quite a bit. Me personally, I think that this is another good solid people-pleasing picture from Gary Marshall. One that skillfully mixes humor and heart with great performances by Kate Hudson, John Corbett, Joan Cusack and Helen Mirren. So if you’re in need a feel-good movie this fall, then — by all means — go check out “Raising Helen.”

Mind you, I was the only member of our little quartet who seemed to really enjoy “Raising Helen.” Nancy said that she liked the film, but had problems with the predictability of the plot. Jay had some concerns with Joan Cusack’s character, who — while funny — seems to be a different person every time she re-enters the story.

And Chuck … well, Chuck seemed to dislike everything about “Raising Helen.” The lack of heat between the two leads, the hackneyed aspects of the story … you name it; Chuck didn’t like it.

Anywho … once the house lights came up, the NRG staffers flew through the auditorium — handing out survey forms. Each of these double-sided questionnaires — which came with its very own little green pencil attached — was crammed with queries about “Raising Helen.” Essay questions like:

Would you tell your friends about this movie? Not just whether you liked it or not, but how would you describe it to them?
(Please be as complete as possible.)
What scene or scenes are the most emotional for you?
What scene or scenes are the funniest for you?
What do you like most about the Kate Hudson character, Helen Harris?
What do you like most about the character, Jenny (Helen’s sister, played by Joan Cusack_?
Was there a song or music you particularly liked in the movie?

These were accompanied by a series of multiple choice questions, where we were asked:

What was your reaction to the movie overall?

Excellent ………. ( ) 1
Very Good ……. ( ) 2
Good …………… ( ) 3
Fair ………………( ) 4
Poor ……………..( ) 5

We were also asked to rate the performances as well as the various elements of “Raising Helen,” indicating that we thought that Kate Hudson’s work as Helen was “Excellent,” “Very Good,” “Good,” “Fair” or “Poor.” We were asked to make similar value judgments on the setting of the film, the picture’s pace, not to mention the humor, romance and — most importantly — the ending of “Raising Helen.”

On the other side of this survey form, we were asked questions like “Were there characters [other than those listed already on the questionnaire] that you liked?” and “What, if anything, did you find confusing about the movie that was not cleared up by the end?” In both of these instances, we were asked to “PLEASE BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE.”

This part of the survey was followed by a section where we were asked to check off various words and phrases that best described the movie. Among our 30 choices were “Too sappy / mushy,” “Nothing new / done before,” “Leaves you feeling good,” “Good for the whole family” and “Not romantic enough.”

After this came a section that tried to harvest hard data about the people who were actually taking this survey. This part was loaded with queries about the survey taker’s gender, educational level, marital status as well as questions about how often that person had attended the movies in the past two months.

It was the questions about age in this particular section of the “Raising Helen” survey that really intrigued me. Here, the survey taker had no less than 13 different age groups to choose from. Everything from “Under 12” to “60 & over.” Never mind that the initial “Raising Helen” leaflet specifically barred anyone who was under 15 or over 54 from attending this screening. If folks from either of these extremes in age were in the audience that night, the National Research Group wanted to know about it.

Speaking of the National Research Group … it was just about this time that the NRG crew began moving through the auditorium, scooping up our surveys. As they picked up the questionnaires, they’d quiz individual members of the audience — asking them what they thought of the movie. “Did you think that it was good? Very good? Excellent?” After a few minutes, I began to notice that those folks who had said “Very Good” or “Excellent” were the ones who were being culled out of the crowd and herded down to the first three rows of the auditorium.

That’s when I realized: These are the people who the NRG reps were selecting to be part of their after-screening focus group. The people whose opinions on the film would REALLY count.

Just at that moment, a National Research Group staffer stepped up to me and — as she was taking my form — asked what I thought of “Raising Helen.” I told this woman the truth. That I found this Gary Marshall movie to be highly enjoyable. Particularly Joan Cusask’s performance. And that I’d have no trouble recommending “Raising Helen” to my friends.

It was then that Chuck chimed in: “Are you crazy, Jim? This movie was awful. Incredibly predictable. And Kate Hudson’s performance was just … blah!”

The NRG rep — who had been smiling right up until Oberleitner interrupted — now narrowed her gaze at the both of us.

“Really?” she said to Chuck. “You disliked the movie that much?” Then — gesturing toward me — the woman continued “You two came to the screening together?”

JIM: (immediately interrupting) No! Chuck came in his own car. I actually came to this screening with Nancy (pointing to my ever-patient significant other). Who also liked this film quite a bit.

CHUCK: (To NRG rep) Nevertheless, I personally found “Raising Helen” to be very predictable.

JIM: (Voice sotto – To Chuck) Ix-nay on the “edictable-pray.” I’m trying to get into the inal-fay ocus-fay oup-gray.

Thankfully, Chuck understood pig latin while the NRG rep apparently didn’t. So Oberleitner piped down. And — eventually — after much consultation among the National Research Group staffers (“I got two 2s here. Do we still need some 4s?” “No, we’re fine for 4s. But what we really need is a couple of 3s.”), the post-screening focus group of 20 audience members was selected.

Luckily, Nancy and I both made the final cut. So — as the rest of the audience was dismissed and herded out of the auditorium — the chosen few were herded into the first three rows.

To be blunt here: Based on my own personal observations, I’m pretty sure that the entire “Raising Helen” post-screening focus group was made up of audience members who were seated in the front half of the auditorium. To be specific, the folks who were chosen all seemed to have come from seats close to the aisles or down by the screen. People who were that much easier for the National Research Group reps to get at, to talk with.

More to the point, the NRG people (at least according to what I saw) only seemed interested in recruiting audience members who had already indicated on their surveys that they thought “Raising Helen” was “Excellent,” “Very Good” or “Good.” Anyone like Chuck — who was very vocal about how this film was only “Fair” — was deliberately disregarded. Or so it seemed to me.

Anyway … the 20 of us were grouped in the first three rows of the Main Theatre. Then Andy — the NRG rep who had spoken to the audience prior to the start of the “Raising Helen” test screening — came down to the front of the hall again. He was carrying two small cassette recorders. Which — after testing to make sure that they were actually both recording — he placed the devices on either side of the post-screening focus group.

After that … well … I had always thought that a post-screening focus group would be something like MTV’s “The Real World.” You know, “When people stop being polite and start acting real?” Well — in this case, at least — the opposite was true. Andy from NRG didn’t really seem interested in gathering the post-screening focus group’s real opinions so much as he was interested in delivering a concise, upbeat report to his company’s client. Which — in this case — was the Walt Disney Company.

So using an extremely loud voice as well as a somewhat commanding presence, Andy rode roughshod over the “Raising Helen” post-screening focus group. Putting the recruited audience members through our paces like a bunch of trained poodles.

“Who liked this film? Really, really liked this film?” the NRG rep would ask. He’d then get a quick count of the number of hands that had been raised, say the number aloud (so that the recorders could hear him), then quickly moving on to the next question. “What were your favorite parts of the movie? Who were you favorite characters? Did you like the music?” Again only pausing a second or two to gauge our reaction before plunging into the next question.

The end result (I’m afraid) is that Andy, the NRG staffer, created a recording that would give Disney Studio executives the wrong impression. Mainly that nearly everyone in the post-screening focus group thought that “Raising Helen” was a very good movie.

By that I mean: If Gary Marshall were looking for good solid info about how he might fine tune his film … I’m afraid Gary didn’t get it. Based on what I saw, the National Research Group staffers who were running last week’s “Raising Helen” test screening were more interested in getting home early that night than they were in putting together a realistic accounting of what the audience actually thought of Marshall’s movie.

After ten minutes or so of this, Andy scooped up and shut off the two tape recorders. He thanked us again for our time and opinions, then said “Good night.” So Nancy and I got up, exited the Main Theatre and joined Chuck and Jay outside. Where we discussed our up-close view of how Tinsel Town actually operates.

Me personally? This whole experience kind of left me with kind of a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, is this is really the way that the majority of Hollywood’s motion pictures are test screened nowadays? If so … well, no wonder so many movies suck. After all, how can directors or producers be expected to fix their films when NRG hands them information like this?

Look, maybe all test screenings aren’t run like this. Or maybe I just caught this bunch of National Research Group staffers on a really bad night.

And it’s not like Nancy, Chuck, Jay and I actually had a bad time. I mean, we really enjoyed getting on the Disney lot. Not to mention getting the chance to look behind-the-scenes at how a real motion picture studio actually operates.

But after watching up close how NRG supposedly works … you know who I really feel bad for? Gary Marshall. Here’s a guy who’s just trying to make a half-way decent movie for the Walt Disney Company. But he’s getting this somewhat bogus info from National Research Group about what a test audience supposedly thought of his “Raising Helen.” Again, based on what I personally saw last Tuesday night, the test results that Gary was handed from that particular post-screening focus group just had to be skewed. It had to be.

Anywho … just to review here: I think that “Raising Helen” looks like it will be a really fun film. Be sure to check out this Touchstone Pictures release when it hits theaters sometime later this fall.

On the other hand … if you really love movies and ever get the chance to take part in a test screening … I’m suggesting that maybe you should take a pass of being part of that process. Watching those National Research Group staffers work up close — particularly as they seemed to be massaging the results of that “Raising Helen” test screening right in front of our focus group — was just depressing beyond words.

Which is really NOT how you’re supposed to feel as you exit a feel-good comedy.

Your thoughts?