Well, another edition of the CBS gold mine “Survivor” has come and gone. Chris did what it took and went home with the million and the new car.
Oh, boy…
I don’t know about you, but I’m just about full to the top with this show. Yes, I am a regular viewer. I didn’t watch every episode religiously, but I saw enough of them. And over the run of the series, I’ve seen most of the finale shows. So, why did I watch this one? In large part, just to see how this group would do themselves out of the game. As Billy Wilder said, “There is no comedy, no drama about perfect people.” These folks certainly fit that bill.
Yet, despite the most whining bunch yet at the final tribal council, there just was something all too easy about how this show went down. Yeah, I know. You try spending 39 days in the tropics living on the beach, and it isn’t the picnic you imagine.
Right…
What you don’t see is all of the people out there making sure that the “Survivors” stay safe and healthy. Yes, folks lost weight, but that’s to be expected from anyone who isn’t home, safe dining on cheeseburgers and beer. A month of low calorie intake (with mostly greens and the occasional fruit bit) would do us all some good…
Or how about the camera crews and all of the production assistants scrambling about the island, getting the scoop on who is making whose life miserable. ***, ***, ***… The folks on the payroll of Mark Burnett don’t want you, the loyal viewers, to miss a single juicy moment. So, you be sure to buy all of those geegaws, “buffs” and DVD’s from the web site, you hear?
Now it’s been revealed that the next incarnation is headed for Palau, another island group in the Pacific. And they promise! It will be nothing like we have seen before.
Please. Give me a break. Give us all a break.
How about getting back to survival and less bitching? You want drama, well, I’ve got suggestions.
First and foremost, enough of the tropics. Let’s go for some real challenging locations. How about “Survivor: Siberia”? Drop the chumps in a cold, uninviting wilderness. Or why not “Survivor: Manitoba”? Out on the vast prairie. “Survivor: Great Basin”? Somewhere in the middle of the wide open spaces of Nevada or Utah. Heck, even “Survivor: Las Vegas” would be more of challenge than those tropical climes. (Hey, now there is an idea! Give ’em ten bucks each for a week and turn ’em loose on the streets. The winner of that one would be a real Survivor!)
Second, do away with the reward challenges. Who needs to see some boob stuff their face with hot dogs and beer while perched above a volcano? BFD. And I don’t mean Bakersfield. You want a reward? You get to stay in the game.
Third, anyone who goes on this show as a contestant, needs to expect that people are going to lie, steal, cheat and do whatever it takes to get to into one of those final two spots. Remember. *IT*IS*A*GAME!* From the first moment, the game is on. If you’re not ready to play, stay home. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.
Fourth, no loved ones, no mail from home, no shiny new cars. Anyone who would find themselves in a real survival situation wouldn’t get these things, so why should the contestants?
Fifth, challenges??? Surviving should be the real challenge. There are enough stories from real survivors that give this one credence. You want reality for television, then go for it. Don’t wimp out.
Finally, how about contestants chosen by random instead of who would make the most interesting casting? Anyone finding themselves in a true survival situation isn’t hand picked to be there. As long as the pool of contestants is healthy to begin with, let fate decide who ends up out there, striving to make it another day.
Gotta say it. ABC’s “Lost” is more what CBS’s “Survivor” should be like. I’m not advocating placing anyone in life threatening situations, at least not every moment. But how about some more realistic peril? Some of these folks in the more recent series just seemed along for the ride. Hiding in the shadows and hoping not to get picked off? Well, it is one way to get by. There’s less drama, but just staying alive until the rescue is made? Well, I guess it worked for Tom Hanks in “Castaway”. But the character he played did eventually realize that if he didn’t step up and do for himself, then no one else was going to.
So, if the suits in their comfy chairs their at the bunker in the CBS Television City complex really want viewers to tune in with the big numbers, maybe of few of these points would help make that happen?
Now there’s another idea! “Survivor: Hollywood!” If your show makes it into the top twenty, you get to keep your job with the comfy chair, company car and plush secretary for another season, or at least 13 episodes, if you’re lucky…
The closest Roger has ever come to a Survivor experience was a 50 miles hike along the Pacific Crest Trail from Echo Summit just south of Lake Tahoe to Kennedy Meadow north of Yosemite, back in the mid-Seventies as a Boy Scout. He’s not likely to be signing up as a contestant for “Survivor” or any of the siblings anytime soon…
Check back next week for a holiday tale!
Hey, how about those “Scrooges” at Target this year? If you can’t drop a few coins in the bucket there for the Salvation Army, try this link and do so online. And the Red Cross can also put your loose change to good use as well. It shouldn’t hurt to help at this time of year, so do what you can. It does make a difference!