“Shrek the Halls” puts the fun back into dysfunctional family gatherings

Jim Hill

17 years ago

Are you tired of tearing up when George Bailey finds Zuzu’s petals in his pocket? Or reaching for a Kleenex whenever that doll on the Island of Misfit Toys says “I don’t have any dreams left to dream”?

Well, if that’s true … Then have I got a Christmas present for all you Grinches out there. DreamWorks Animation’s “Shrek the Halls” is a sweet if somewhat subversive holiday treat. In that this new ABC special celebrates the more aggravating aspects of the Christmas season.

Picking up where “Shrek the Third” left off (i.e. With Shrek & Fiona back at home in the swamp with their new triplets), “Shrek the Halls” opens with everyone’s favorite ogre enjoying a bright sunny summer afternoon with his kids. But soon this fun family moment is spoiled as Donkey pops up to remind Shrek that ” … there are only 159 days left ’til Christmas.”

Though the ogre repeatedly brushes off this annoying ass, Donkey continues to drop by the swamp with his seasonal reminders (“Only 51 days left ’til Christmas. So you’d better get your big green butt in gear and go get your marshmallows. Because everybody knows that — without marshmallows — sweet potatoes are nothing”). But then suddenly it’s December 23rd. And as Shrek stands in the snow telling Donkey that ” … No one here gives a hoot about Christmas,” Fiona carries the kids outside, sees all the falling flakes and says “A white Christmas. Oh, how perfect. And it’s our first one together as a family.”

It’s at this exact moment that Shrek realizes that he has to do something about the holidays or risk disappointing Fiona. But since this ogre knows absolutely nothing about trimming the stockings, hanging the chestnuts or roasting the tree … Shrek has to race to a nearby village and quickly pick up a copy of that handy-dandy holiday guide, “Christmas for Village Idiots.”

From there … Shrek does the best he can at cobbling together a quickie Christmas celebration. Which starts off with the ogre turning objects that he’s found in the forest into holiday decorations for the house.

And Fiona … Well, she understands what her husband is trying to do here (i.e. Deliver a perfect first Christmas for the kids). Which is why Fiona tries to politely dissuade Donkey from dropping by the house on Christmas Eve. So that she & Shrek can then enjoy ” … a nice family Christmas.”

But Donkey — as always — misinterprets what he’s been told. So that night — as Shrek, Fiona and the kids settle in by the fire, where the ogre now plans on telling his new family the perfect Christmas story — …

… Who comes busting through the door but Donkey … Followed by Puss in Boots, Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice, the Big Bad Wolf and the Gingerbread Man. Not to mention Donkey’s wife, the dragon and their three fire-breathing children.

Within seconds, the house is a complete shambles. With Shrek’s fairytale friends accidentally destroying all of his handmade holiday decorations. Not to mention that Donkey insists that he should be the one who gets to tell “Twas the Night Before Christmas.”

Of course, his version of this seasonal classic is a little bit different than the one that you & I know. Given that it contains a verse about …

“And just when you think that you’ve seen it all,
Comes a huge waffle Santa that’s 50 feet tall !”

It’s at this point that Puss in Boots chimes in, insisting that Donkey’s “Twas the Night Before Christmas” is all wrong. You see, in the version that Puss knows, there’s no giant jolly old elf covered with butter & syrup. But — rather — a suave & sophisticated rogue who makes a point of leaving a mark in every household that he visits by scratching the walls with his Santa Claws.

It’s at this point that Shrek has had enough of all these crazy fairytale characters upstaging the perfect holiday that he had planned for his family. So the ogre tosses Donkey & Co. out into the snow … Only to have Fiona gather up the triplets and race after their friends. Where she then apologizes for her husband’s ogre-like behavior.

But — you see — that’s the problem. Given that this is Shrek’s very first holiday (As he explains toward the end of this holiday special, “Ogres don’t celebrate Christmas. Ogres don’t celebrate anything”), he genuinely didn’t know that things are supposed to get a little crazy at Christmas, that people are supposed to get a little out of control over the holiday season.

As Donkey so succinctly puts it (in a sentiment that I’m sure is never going to turn up on a Hallmark card) ” Christmas is all about big fights. My Momma always used to say that ‘Christmas ain’t Christmas ’til somebody cries.’ ”

And now that he’s figured out what the holidays are really all about, Shrek leads Fiona & their fairytale friends back to their home in the swamp. Where — after tossing away his copy of “Christmas for Village Idiots” — the ogre then regales this group with his version of “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Which — as you might expect with a “Shrek” holiday special — begins with a none-too-subtle fart joke.

“Twas the night before Christmas and naught a swamp rat did creep,
As mother and babes played kazoo in their sleep”

Which then sets the stage for the arrival of Ogre Claus. Who also departs from Clement C. Moore’s poem, in that — instead of ” … laying a finger aside of his nose,” Ogre Claus digs “… a finger inside of his nose.” But not before giving the lady of the house ” … a good Christmas goose.”

Okay. I know. That last joke was a bit on the blue side. But give the “Shrek the Halls” production team some credit, folks. They’re smart enough to realize that there are kids watching at home. Which is why they then have Shrek face into the camera and give instructions for cooking that Christmas Goose (“425 degrees. 20 minutes per pound”).

That’s the real fun of “Shrek the Halls.” Those quick I-didn’t-just-see-that,-did-I? gags that are sprinkled throughout this show. Like that moment when Pinocchio hangs up his stocking by the fire. Only the stocking that this puppet lovingly tacks up at the fireside isn’t red and fuzzy. But — rather — sheer and black lace.

Does “Shrek the Halls” go too far sometimes? Sure. By that I mean … After seeing this holiday special, I’m never going to look at a chocolate kiss the same way again (Trust me, folks. You’ll know the moment that I’m talking about when you see it).

But at the same time, having gone through far too many harried holiday seasons myself over the years, I have to admit that I got a big kick out of watching Shrek try & get the hang of Christmas (“The tree goes inside the house ?!”).

So if you’d like your TV palate cleansed before you have to start swallowing all of those other sticky-sweet holiday specials, then you gotta watch “Shrek the Halls.” For this is one Christmas special that really know how to put the fun back into dysfunctional family gatherings

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Happy Holidays!