Suffering from “Pirates” withdrawal? Then treat yourself to a peek at “The Secret Files of the East India Trading Company”

Jim Hill

17 years ago

It’s okay. You can admit it. As the camera pulled back at the end of “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End,” leaving Captain Jack Sparrow just as we’d found him at the start of “The Curse of the Black Pearl” (i.e alone in a small boat in the middle of this empty huge sea), you felt a little blue … didn’t you?

Of course, it’s easy to understand why. Over the course of Disney’s three “Pirates” pictures, you’d come to care for these colorful characters. You’d lived vicariously through their (literally) out-of-this-world adventures. And now that the story’s over ’til at least 2012 (When — it’s rumored — that Walt Disney Pictures plans on releasing “Pirates of the Caribbean 4″) … You found yourself really missing those ” … beggars and blighters and ne’er do-well cads.”

But what if the story of Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” series wasn’t over? What would you do if someone suddenly shoved a weathered old book into your hands? And as you turned this tattered tome over, you discovered this hand-written warning on the back:

The classified information herein is intended ONLY for members of the East India Trading Company and the Royal Navy. These Secret Files are, I believe, the most comprehensive and detailed gathering of information on the cursed PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. If you are neither a member of the Company or the Crown, I beg of you, keep this dossier safe from the vicious pirate scoundrels who prowl our seas — chief amongst them, the nefarious Jack Sparrow. Be alert and be aware. The Age of Pirates is coming to a close, and these documents are MOST essential in our efforts to end this reign of terror.

Intrigued, you open this book. And then an envelope falls out at your feet. One that bears the seal of the East India Trading Company.

You then open this envelope. And inside is this ancient-looking, water-stained handwritten letter. Which starts off by saying …

Dear Fellow Distinguished Sirs of the East India Trading Company

I have recently seen and experienced horrors beyond belief. After having narrowly escaped a Maelstrom, I was forced into hiding. But during this time of self-imposed seclusion, I have not shirked my duty to the Crown and, perhaps more important, to the Company.

Enclosed in this dossier is all manner of information I have managed to compile on our sworn enemies — the heinous, uncivilized Pirates of the Caribbean …

And with that, you’ll find yourself being sucked into the “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Secret Files of the East India Trading Company” (Disney Press, August 2007).

The conceit of this “dossier” (Which was designed by Scott Westgard & edited by Betsy Pringle) was that it was “written” by an East India Trading Company representative who actually witnessed that fateful final battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman. More importantly, this gentleman then made an effort to keep tabs on the “Pirates” characters after the events we saw toward the end of “At World’s End.”

Mind you, the alleged author of this book — one Sir Thomas Faye — is evidently a brown-nosing Company man. Otherwise why would he have felt it necessary to include a portrait of his late boss, Lord Cutler Beckett …

Lord Cutler Beckett painting by James Ward Byrkit.
Copyright 2007 Disney. All Rights Reserved

… as well as a heartfelt prayer that “… may (the late Lord Beckett) be blessed with a well-earned eternal slumber” ? Faye also put another painting in this dossier that shows Cutler’s arrival in Port Royal. Which (you may recall) involved this East India Trading Company representative riding on horseback while his steed stood up in a longboat!

Beckett’s arrival in Port Royal painting by Will Madoc Rees.
Copyright 2007 Disney. All Rights Reserved

Anyway … Faye attempts to bring his bosses up-to-speed about what’s become of the Black Pearl and its crew. To whit:

Since the Maelstrom, the ship has slipped through our fingers once again and is rumored to be under the control of Barbossa. It is my firm belief that Sparrow will not cease in his attempts to regain control of her.

And though Sir Thomas tries to distract EITC officials by showing them a replica of one of those cursed coins from that infamous Aztec treasure …

… eventually Faye has to break the bad news:

As I write this, Captain Jack Sparrow has vanished again. After losing the Pearl (again) and evading the Company and the Crown (again), he is said to have returned to the Pirate town of Tortuga on a new quest to find something of immeasurable worth … The fabled Fountain of Youth. Be on the alert. Sparrow is free and no matter what massive headway we make in securing the arrest of other pirates, the seas will not be safe for the civilized world until this man is captured.

And as soon as you read that … 2012 just can’t get here fast enough. You’re ready now to sail off on another cinematic adventure with the crusty crew of Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

That’s the real beauty of “The Secret Files of the East India Trading Company.” Becker&mayer! LLC (i.e. The talented team behind such interactive volumes as “How Does the Show Go On? An Introduction to the Theater” and “The Mickey Mouse Treasures“) have crafted this authentic-looking dossier that drops you right back into that world where there really is a Shipwreck Cove. Where Calypso is a force to be reckoned with. And the only way to find a place that can’t be found is to get good and lost.

Trust me, folks. If you’ve got a “Pirates of the Caribbean” fan on your holiday shopping list, “The Secret Files of the East India Trading Company” is the book that you really want to pick up for them.

And speaking of holiday shopping … If you’d like to show your appreciation for all the great stories that you regularly read here on this website, then why not start out your next Amazon shopping spree by clicking on the banner above? That way, JHM gets a teeny tiny chunk of whatever you spend.

Happy Holidays!