“The Dark Side of Disney” reveals the pleasures & perils of being naughty at WDW

Jim Hill

12 years ago

It’s that classic Christmas-time question: Have you been
naughty or nice this year?

Well, Leonard Kinsey – at least as far as Walt Disney World
is concerned – has been very, very naughty. He and his merry band of
Mouse-obsessed miscreants (Wait a minute. Would that then make Kinsey and his
crew mouse-creants?) have ventured into all sorts of Cast-Member-Only
areas. Places like the Utilidors under
the Magic Kingdom and – more recently – the long-closed upstairs portion of the
ImageWorks at Epcot‘s Imagination Pavilion.

And Leonard has taken a number of these illicit adventures –
plus an account of urban explorer Shane Perez‘s late-night swim over to Disney
World’s long-closed Discovery Island zoological park as well as Hoot Gibson’s after-hours
explorations of Epcot’s Horizons pavilion – and collected them in a 172-page
paperback that Kinsey has called “The Dark Side of Disney.”

So does “Dark Side” live up to the hype on its cover (which states
that this collection of stories is “The Anarchist Cookbook of Disney Travel
Guides”)? Well, after paging through the review copy which I got sent last week, I’d have to say that that largely depends on whether you actually know any longtime
Cast Members or not.

Because if you don’t have anyone like that in your immediate
circle of friends / extended family, some of the anecdotes collected here about
on-property drinking, drugging and other adult behaviors will no doubt shock
you. On the other hand, if you already know a Cast Member or two, you’ve
probably heard some stories that are just as bad – if not worse – as the tales
that you’ll find in “The Dark Side of Disney.”

So what makes this book better than – say – hanging out at the
Perkins at the Crossroads Shopping Center near Downtown Disney and listening to
some of your old Cast Member friends tell tales out of school? Leonard’s rather
adult writing style, for starters. Which attempts to blend Tucker Max‘s
debauched frat boy adventures with Hunter S. Thompson‘s gonzo journalism.

More to the point, Kinsey is quick to acknowledge that the “
… utterly unauthorized tips, tricks, & scams” which “The Dark Side of
Disney” promotes often don’t work. Take – for example – what happens when
Leonard tries to use a used ticket that he purchased out on 192 to gain
entrance to one of WDWs’ theme parks.

It used to be that if you bought a phony or used ticket that
didn’t work you could go to Guest Services and they’d be really understanding
and nice about it and give you a new one. But now they’re wise to the whole
underground reseller racket and are completely unsympathetic to the plight of
scammed tourists. How do I know this?
Because I took one for the team and bought such a ticket.

The buying part was easy: I went into a gas station, made sure that there
weren’t any cops around, and paid cash for a Two-Day (Magic Your Way) base
ticket. Using the ticket at the parks was where the whole thing fell apart.
Here’s how it went down:

The crowds are light as I approach the turnstile at The
Magic Kingdom, put my used ticket through the slot, and place my finger on the
scanner. It doesn’t work. The (Cast Member) tells me to do it again, with the
other hand. Still doesn’t work.

Me: “Huh, that’s weird.”
CM:
“Are you sure that this is your ticket?”
Me:
“Uhhh … “
CM:
“Sir, you’ll need to go to Guest Services to get this resolved. Have a
magical day!”
Me:
“Okay. Thanks.”

So I go to Guest Relations and hand over my ticket.

Me: “It doesn’t work when I put my finger on the thingy.”
CM: “Did you use the same finger you used the first time you went through the
gate with this ticket?”
Me: “Not exactly.”
CM: “Sir, where did you purchase this ticket?”
Me: “From a gas station.”
CM: “We’re sorry, but we’re not able to accept tickets purchased from
unauthorized resellers. Unfortunately you’ll need to buy a new ticket. I can
help you with that now, if you’d like.”
Me: “So I just lost a bunch of money, right? And there’s nothing you can do
about it?”
CM: “That is our policy, sir.”
Me: “Bummer. Can I get my ticket back, so I can at least sell back to the gas
station?”
CM: “Unfortunately since it was resold illegally I will need to confiscate it.
However, here is a collectible ‘What Will You Celebrate‘ pin. Have a magical
day!”

So – as you can see – while being naughty can sometimes be
fun, it will often cost you.

Another reason that you should probably steer clear of using
any of the “tricks & scams” described in “The Dark Side of Disney” that I’ve
recently been told by someone with ties to upper management at the WDW Resort
actually purchased a couple of copies of Kinsey’s book.
Not because they’re big fans of Leonard’s work, mind you. But rather because this Mouse
House manager want the frontline employees at the Parks to be aware of the
sort of scams that “The Dark Side of Disney” suggests people should try during
their next trip to Disney World.

To be fair here, Kinsey explicitly states in his book’s epilogue
that …

… I don’t advocate anyone engaging in illegal activities
inside WDW. If you break the law and get caught, it’s all on you. So before
attempting anything in this book that might be potentially illegal, ask
yourself “Is the fun and excitement of participating in this illegal activity
worth the potential negatives that would come with getting caught, landing in
jail, and having a misdemeanor / felony charge on my record?”

So taking that into consideration, I guess – when you get
right down to it – Leonard Kinsey’s “The Dark Side of Disney” is really a
literary exercise in another type of adult activity: voyeurism. In that we get
to watch Kinsey and his crew attempt to do bad things while they’re on vacation
at Walt Disney World (EX: Newmeyer jumps the gate at Epcot and then give
McGeorge & Kinsey a thumbs up, thrilled that he managed to make it into a
Disney theme park without paying for a ticket) and then snort as this allegedly bad-ass
behavior gets an entirely predictable reaction from the people who actually run
that Park (i.e. “Ten seconds later two security officers wearing Hawaiian shirts
walk up alongside Newmeyer and casually take his arms, leading him backstage.
He looks back at us in panic before he disappears behind a façade of manicured
plants”).

Don’t get me wrong, Leonard and his league do get away with
just enough stuff that “The Dark Side of Disney” does give you a sense of how
much fun it can be to behave badly at Walt Disney World. But at the same time,
Kinsey makes it clear that being naughty really does have its consequences when
it comes to this Resort.

So bearing that in mind, I’m far less inclined to buy into the
hype on the back on this book, which states that “The Dark Side of Disney” is “
… unabashedly unafraid of offending the family-oriented audiences (that is)
catered to by other Disney travel guides.” Especially since so many of the “tricks
& scams” listed in this book are either already well-known and being used/abused
by the public (EX: renting a wheelchair for a member of your party so that you
can then avoid waiting in line by using the handicap entrance for many of the
rides, shows and attractions at the Parks) or they’re now out-of-date (EX:
Kinsey’s suggestion that you make a dinner reservation at the Poly or the
Contemporary so that you can then score free, up-close parking while visiting
the Magic Kingdom has effectively been negated by Food & Beverage’s recent
decision to institute a $10-per-person cancellation fee at many WDW eateries).

So rather than thinking of “The Dark Side of Disney” as a
guide book to the myriad ways you can misbehave the next time you visit the Mouse,
perhaps the smarter way of thinking of Leonard’s collection of sordid
behind-the-scenes stories is that it’s the literary equivalent of “Jackass.” In
that you get the pleasure of reading about how Kinsey and Co. broke the rules
without then having to deal with any of the consequences of breaking the rules
yourself.

Which – when you really think about it – is a pretty nice (Well,
if not exactly nice, at least trouble-free) way of being naughty.

Your thoughts?