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The Once and Future Kingdom — Part III: The Return of the Kingdom

“THE BEST WAY TO PREDICT THE FUTURE IS TO CREATE IT”

Attention Feckless executives of today and Disney Resuscitate and Revitalize Team standing on the horizon: It’s this simple. Do not follow trends. Get the best people. Get the best out of them by trusting them. See Parts I and II for itemized lists of executive idiocy.

When you follow trends (which by the way, in the whole of human history- has never worked), you are telling the public (who, by the way, is NOT beneath you) that you do not trust the judgement of your Creatives. Treat them with the utmost respect.

If you don’t care about them and their work, then why should the public? This is the key that opens all the doors.

*THE SECRET TO DISNEY MAGIC*, the dying inner light that keeps people the world over returning to Disney films, parks and products when they have been shamelessly exploited by corporate stripminers for the last decade, is the image of the Sorcerer’s Workshop. Though evident since the company’s inception, this concept crystallized with the public with the arrival of the Sunday Night “Disneyland” TV Show. You are nothing if you do not have vibrant, quality, fearless shows, movies and parks. *BUT* more importantly you are NOT Disney if these shows, movies and parks are not created in a magical place.

The Disney Animators are mythic heroes. Eccentric artisans creating the world’s most strikingly resonant characters at a visionaries colony that we catch a few privilieged glimpses of on TV specials. And the euphoric dream of becoming one keeps scores of children up many a wonderous night.

And the Imagineers? The very word conjures up images of mad geniuses forging marvelous universes out of their boundless imaginations in a toy factory we are certain looks like Willy Wonka’s factory crossed with the Dream Port from the classic “Journey into Imagination.”

ASK YOURSELF WHY DISNEY INTERNET RUMOR, NEWS AND DISCUSSION CULTURE ERUPTED IN THE LAST 6 YEARS? People want to know that Disney is still creating. “Is there hope for the next project or will it be a disappointment like the ones that came before it?” Enter the retro/vintage sites like www.yesterland.com and “widen your world”. Places that cry out “Hey, remember good Disney?”

And with that, all the tumblers fall into place and the vault unlocks. This is the primer. With this you can begin to rebuild the name and idea of Disney.

THE ONCE AND FUTURE KINGDOM

*WHAT WENT WRONG* and *The STRATEGIC OPPORTUNITIES to REBUILD the NAME and IDEA of DISNEY*

A 3 PART code book to the American Imagination

PART III: THE RETURN OF THE KINGDOM

TOTAL HONESTY IS YOUR ONLY CURRENCY.

For 10 years now, Disney has put a “Have Nice Day” face on their repellant greed. Given the state of the world where we have leaders who don’t seem capable of leading, people feel vulnerable… alone. And historically, these are the times when the Storytellers of the world earn their keep. HONESTY IS REASSURING.

So — if Disney executives were actually looking to forge an honest relationship with the public — that would mean that they’d no longer be allowed to stick fingers in their ears and shout things like “WE NEVER MADE A FILM CALLED ‘TREASURE PLANET’ (we made a write-off called that, though). EVERYONE LOVES DCA! IF YOU DON’T, YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND IT! AND THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY HAS ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH EURASIA!” It doesn’t play, people. You just look like condescending liars who think the public is simple. And it’s the kind of Amateur Hour trash that people who’d declare “Treasure Planet” a failure an hour *before* it came out would do.

Total Honesty, anathema in business today, must be your native tongue. Be out there. Put a very personal face on everything. Let FDR’s FIRESIDE CHATS be your guide. ‘Well, that didn’t work. Let’s try this…’

MEA CULPA is the first order of buisness. We know it wasn’t the fault of those who are rebuilding, but you are the CUSTODIANS of DISNEY MAGIC now and it is a necessity for beginning with a Tabula Rasa.

DCA, Disney Studios Paris, the shameful treatment of the artists at Feature and Imagineering, a decade of stripmining and avarice instead of innovation, every piece of crap on ABC, spending a billion dollars on the rights to the “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” while firing already underpaid artists left and right… You’re sorry not because you did it. You’re sorry that it happened under the banner of Walt’s company.

Provide further shock and awe for the public by pulling the curtain back on what things done in the last 10 years *really* are. Wash the transgressions of the past regime away by DE-RATIONALIZING ALL THAT WAS RATIONALIZED, SPUN and CLOAKED IN LIES.

A good example of just such a flagrant rationalization that needs de-mystified would be, “See, Animal Kingdom’s Dino-Rama is only *themed* to those seedy, road side rip-off stands that Walt crusaded against. It’s not *actually* tawdry crap transparently masquerading as a cornerstone of your incredibly expensive immersive storytelling dream vacation.”

Tell people what these things really are, why good artists (and architects with delusions of grandeur) were forced to build them, and you’ll begin to make headway with the hearts of the people. Remember, people know when you’re doing quality things for them. Folks have a sixth sense about “special.”

Follow this with announcements for crazy exciting NEW PROJECTS and SPRAWLING RE-IMAGININGs of the many many existing entertainments not worthy of the name Disney. *We’ll get to the specifics of these plans a little later.* Talk a lot about the FUTURE in a hopeful, energizing way … then blow people’s minds by actually delivering on it.

But these things take time, so follow that with announcements for what you’re going to do in the meantime. NOTE: these are not Quick-Fixes, which we know are fiction. The purpose of these is to REMIND PEOPLE OF WHAT THEY ONCE LOVED ABOUT DISNEY.

SYNERGY: YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD… I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

Want to really win back the hearts and minds of the public? Well, you can start by launching a 6 month FILM FESTIVAL. Every week (when the release of a new Walt Disney Pictures film isn’t already schedued), another Disney Classic debuts in your neighborhood theater. Strike a deal with theater chains so that Tickets to this Disney film festival are sold at a reduced rate, with EVERY SINGLE PENNY going to CHILDREN’S CHARITIES (Pediatric AIDS Foundation, Children of 9/11 Victims, Give Kids the World, Make A Wish, etc).

Then empty the vaults. Show beloved classic Animated Features and the ones that didn’t get the chance they deserved in their initial run, as well as a smattering of the best live action films (“20,000 Leagues Under the Sea,” “Mary Poppins,” “Bedknobs and Broomsticks,” “Pete’s Dragon,” “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” “The Rocketeer,” “Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” etc) over the duration of the Festival.

Make this Film Festival much more than just some Mouse-based movie marathon. It must be a CELEBRATION of DISNEY MAGIC (in much the same way that the “Star Wars” Special Edition Releases were in 1997). Donate prizes to help theaters hold costume contests tailored to each week’s film. Plan Games, show Vintage Trailers before the film. Those advertisement slide presentations that are shown before every movie? Instead, have the theaters hold Disney Trivia contests and/or have them play Making-Of anecdotes that are geared to that week’s release.

Advertise this Festival through the corporation’s already extensive network of media outlets — I.E. ABC, Disney Channel, Toon Disney, Disney.com, and always make a point of teasing the next week’s release prior to screening that week’s film.

A six month long program like that — particularly one that would play up the fact that the Walt Disney Company isn’t making dime one off of this film series. That all the monies raised are going straight to charity — would go an awfully long way toward turning around the public’s perception of the Mouse.

TELEVISION

It is oddly perfect that the ludicrously thick higher-ups recently moved the “Disney Sunday Night Movie” to Saturday night, since moving this program back to its traditional Sunday night spot will allow you to RELAUNCH THE CLASSIC WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY franchise. Only in a bigger, grander way than Disney’s current management team has ever dreamed of doing.

Picture an all new weekly 2 ½ hour block of Disney programming that’s modeled after Cartoon Network’s inspired “Adult Swim” line-up, but one with greater variety and approachability. This new Sunday show would be comprised of…

a MOVIE ( a Disney favorite old or new OR a worthy classic from another studio [“Star Wars,” “Indiana Jones,” “The Wizard of Oz,” “Harry Potter,” etc.]) OR (once a month) TWO ORIGINAL ONE-HOUR SERIALS (each consisting of 6 Chapters [beginning with, say, the “Discovery Bay Chronicles]) Peppered with INTERSTITIAL SHORTS, perhaps 1 Classic Cartoon, played each week along with one of the following… 1 New Cartoon featuring the Fab 5.

And this new Fab 5 Cartoon … It should not be one of those awkward “Mouse Works” cartoons produced by an assembly line of child labor in the Grand Duchy of St. Sally Struthers. These new toons should display the kind of all-out production values that made Disney what it once stood for. Again, people can tell what’s special, that something of quality was created for them.

These new Fab 5 Cartoons should be produced by small TEAMS of ANIMATORS and STORY FOLK. Studio personnel who would stay with these rolling projects, allowing them to hone their skills in much the same way that animation greats like Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, and Bob McKimson did in their time.

More importantly, these new Fab 5 cartoons need to be… FUNNY. Not that sort of mind-numbing, bland, SHRUG humor that washes shows like “House of Mouse” and its analogs in white-hot TEPIDITY. Mind you, that doesn’t mean going adult or toilet with the humor, as many have so often thought while trying to do this. Disney’s cartoon characters should be purveyors of the elegantly silly. Think “Princess Bride,” “The Fairly Oddparents,” “The Emperor’s New Groove,” “The Muppet Movie” or the startlingly hilarious “Dave the Barbarian.”

Another short subject-related project that I’d like to see Disney’s animators tackle (as part of this new Sunday Night “Wonderful World of Disney” program) would be:

1 New Cartoon featuring Characters from the COLOSSAL Disney family. These will add much needed TEXTURE, and much, much needed DIVERSITY to the Disney tapestry.

Way too often, the *only* Disney that people see is Mickey (who is now relegated to appearing on GAP T-shirts and Wal-Mart jewlery), and the characters from “The Little Mermaid,” “Beauty and the Beast,” “The Lion King” and “Aladdin” (especially the Princesses).

Focusing all your attention (read: merchandising) on just a few characters not only squanders your vast resources but also ruins what was special about those over-exposed few. The quick buck comes at the detriment of IRREPARABLY WEAKENING your greatest resources.

Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have shorts featuring characters from “The Little Mermaid” and guys like Timon and Pumbaa as part of the relaunched Sunday Night “Wonderful World of Disney” program. But they must be part of a mix of cartoons featuring other characters on adventures like:

“Brother Bear”‘s Rutt and Tuke wind up in a Nature Documentary and think they’re being followed by Spies in “From Rutt With Love” or “Die Another Eh?” A short that features the characters from “The Emperor’s New Groove.” Perhaps while helping to balance the kingdom’s accounting ledgers, Pacha accidently gives Emperor Kuzco the idea to launch a sure-fire-flop musical: “Springtime for Yzma” (choreographed by Kronk). Or how about a piece that mixes stop motion with traditional animation. Where “Nightmare Before Christmas”‘s Jack Skellington tumbles into the World of Valentine’s Day, and then decides that he wants play Cupid. Which wreaks havoc on the Disney Classics as Jack’s meddling causes all the wrong folks to fall in love (EX: John Smith and Grandmother Willow). And I can’t have been the only one who’s wanted to see a cartoon VH1 Behind the Music retrospective of Toot, Whistle, Plunk and Boom in the spirit of This is Spinal Tap.

Humphrey the Bear and Ranger J. Audubon Woodlore, Carl Barks’ “Duck Tales” crew, Hades, Pain and Panic from “Hercules” … there are scores of Disney characters whose potential isn’t even close to being realized.

As to the host of this new Sunday Night “Wonderful World of Disney” … No more CEOs who can’t make eye contact, who seem uncomfortable before the camera (or in their own skin, for that matter) please. This time around, let’s have this weekly Disney Party hosted by Mickey and the gang.

Only — from here on — Mickey and Co. should have *actual* personalities. For far too long, these core characters have had their lives dictated by gutless executives and greedy merchandise-peddlers. Which is why the Mouse is now so harmless and homogenized that his personality has all the charm of dry white bread after it’s been dipped in water.

That’s not Mickey Mouse. Mickey’s the energetic little guy who has to keep the whole show moving. Think of him being more along the lines of Rob Petrie from the old “Dick Van Dyke” show. The good-hearted but fallible leader of a colorful group of characters. Only — instead of matching wits with Buddy Surrell, Sally Rogers, Mel Cooley, Alan Brady, Laura Petry and little Richie — Mickey’s the good natured slob who’s trying to keep all 2 ½ hours of the “Wonderful World of Disney” programming block running smoothly … Often in spite of Goofy, Daisy, Pluto, Donald and Minnie.

“So you’re saying that the new ‘Wonderful World of Disney’ show should be just like ‘House of Mouse?’ ” NO! Don’t get me wrong, the Host Segments of that animated series are clever, but Mickey and the gang are still bland. It’s the use of Disney film characters — some characters we haven’t seen for DECADES — that make that show.

Mickey and Minne should be Nick and Nora Charles (with less alcoholism, of course). Mickey needs to be Cary Grant from “Bringing Up Baby,” clever and resourceful but at wit’s end and too focused to see the hilarious big-picture. Minnie should be Rosalind Russel, Mickey’s fast-talking “His Girl Friday.” Daisy should be Judy Holiday from “Born Yesterday,” earnest and sweetly naiive. So on and so forth (of course I think Pooh should be Sidney Greenstreet from The Maltese Falcon, but I digress…).

And a quick, but PIVOTAL point about the CG Mickey currently being floated by the fools in charge. Beyond the fundamental idiocy of trying to take the *LINE SINEW* of a hand-drawn character and translate that to the *SURFACES* of CGI, it says to people that Mickey was dated, archaic and in need of “updating.” No, Mickey just needs something to do. This TREND-FOLLOWING CG b.s. just will make Mickey a DAIRY PRODUCT. I.E. Limit this classic character’s shelf life.

An important thing to stress here: The Classic Disney Characters are not “brand opportunities” to be “leveraged.” The public has loved these characters for decades. So the people who run the Walt Disney Company should have equal affection for Mickey and Co. and do everything they can to keep these characters vital and in the mainstream. And — NO !? — you don’t do that by slapping Mickey’s likeness on t-shirts that you sell at the Gap. But — rather — by placing him carefully in stories that suit him. That are genuinely entertaining. That make people think — just as they did back in the early 1930s — “That Mickey Mouse. He’s one funny guy.”

You see what I’m saying here? Change Mickey back from being a corporate symbol to a symbol of fun.

Speaking of Mickey … Leave it to the clueless drones who currently run the Mouse House to view the technology behind “My Pal Mickey” and think: “This would be a great device to use to tell knock-knock jokes as well as reveal when the 3 o’*** parade is running.”

Me? I look at the “My Pal Mickey” technology and think … Why not create a toy that would put the animatronic capabilities of Teddy Ruxpin to shame (an easy-as-hell thing to do today)? This new innovention could play games along with your child as they visit the Disney.com Web Site, interact with trivia, stories and games during the relaunched Sunday Night “Wonderful World of Disney” show, offer “MST3K” type commentary about new Disney films as they play in your DVDs player.

More importantly, if you’re planning to return to the theme parks, your “My Pal Mickey” could begin the immersive Storytelling long before you begin your next WDW vacation. And I’m not talking about this talking plush helping you get dining reservations (Though it could probably do that through the Disney.com Web Site). I’m talking about the Disneyland/Disney World equivalent of a hologram of Princess Leia appearing and saying “Help me Billy and Mandy Fitzgibbons, you’re my only hope.”

This is where I see Disney Interactive playing a huge role in the future of all things Disney: By helping guests get that first taste of Disney magic long before they set foot back on Disney property. Imagine — if you will — what it would be like if — just after you booked your next vacation at a Disney Resort — the STORIES you will experience on that trip BEGAN ACTIVELY SEEKING YOU OUT.

EX: A mysterious letter (postmarked from 1887) arrives at your home, bearing the wax seal of eccentric inventor Jason Chandler- who invites you and your family to come visit him at the Dreamers Colony of Discovery Bay.

Remember in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” when Dr. Henry Jones Sr. sent Indy the Grail Diary to get it as far away from himself as possible? Other pre-trip *Interactivities* could include receiving a package from Captain Nemo that asks you to keep an ancient (very “Secret Garden” -looking) KEY as far away from Vulcania as possible. As your trip draws nearer, the key begins to glow from within, brighter and BRIGHTER as the clock ticks away.

And when you arrive at your Disney Hotel Room. The Key is waiting for you. What secret does this Key unlock? That is the realm of the reborn Imagineering.

Speaking of Indiana Jones …When Michael and Frank arrived in 1984, their first instincts were right on the money. Since Disney seemed to have lost the way to tell truly compelling Stories, it was then important that the Mouse Works quickly partner with the most unbelievably REVOLUTIONARY CREATIVE MINDS walking the earth. So that Eisner and Wells could quickly jumpstart the Mouse Factory.

Well, 2004 (to me, anyway) seems to be 1984. The current management of the Walt Disney Company has allowed so many of the very best Storytellers to slip through its fingers. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Jim Henson and company, and now add John Lassetter and the wonder boys (& gals) of PIXAR to the list. Rebuilding Disney today will require even bolder foresight with regard to Creative Partnerships. SO SEEK THEM OUT NOW.

“Who should Disney be seeking out now?” You ask. This generation’s Lucases, Spielbergs and Hensons. For example — There is a film, debuting this summer, that is generating so much buzz, that it borders on a PHENOMENON before it even hits theaters. Its teaser trailer draws more gasps and applause than the blockbuster films it precedes, and its internet campaign is the new standard by which all other entertainment marketing will be judged. The mesmerizing title of this break-through storytelling event: “SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW.”

Kerry Conran, the first-time writer/ director (who also wrote the program that makes this miraculous film possible) just graduated from CAL Arts. The concept for this film, its landmark technology, and the reel that sent every Hollywood power-player diving for the phone were his Final Project at CAL Arts. The Disney of days-gone-by wouldn’t have let Kerry graduate without signing him to a longterm contract.

Yes, it’s a real shame that Disney wasn’t on the ball enough to recognize this collosal talent while he was at CAL Arts. But all’s not lost yet. Conran’s electrifying vision is just the sort of thing that the Imagineers could harness and turn into extraordinary theme park entertainment. Imagine (provided — of course — that Mickey’s lawyers can acquire the rights) Disneyland’s Tomorrowland re-Imagined as the WORLD of TOMORROW. Which would save the Jules Verne-ian texture and palette for Discovery Bay (Which would not only make a great new land, but could also serve as the basis for an INCREDIBLE theme park. Think about it. Who’d miss DCA?).

The colossal flying fortress from SKY CAPTAIN AND THE WORLD OF TOMORROW is a tailor-made jumping off-point for adventures that would boggle the mind (and it would also look pretty stunning docked in Tomorrowland). And the titanic rampaging ROBOTS (a few of which we are given a glimpse of in the teaser) would be perfect for a nighttime spectacular in the skies above Tomorrowland. And given the Autonomous figure technology (Lucky the Dino), the GPS vehicle technology (Tokyo’s Hunny Hunt), and the untapped possibilities of the KUKA robotic arm- there’s no reason why the giant ROBOTS couldn’t pick World of Tomorrow L-Train vehicles up off the People Mover Track and use them to deflect the fire of the Heroic Sky Captain and his Flying Legion.

And the hypnotic realm of this Hugh Feriss-esque Metropolis would not begin to scratch the surface of the possibilities of this world. That piece of land currently used for Autopia (which could easily be moved when re-themed for John Lassetter’s CARS), and the Submarine Lagoon (which would underutilize the FINDING NEMO characters) would make a nice spot for the EPIC adventures of MONSTER ISLAND (also from Sky Captain…). Not to mention that it would finally create a transition between Fantasyland and Tomorrowland.

All these possibilities and scores of others open up, if you find the right Creative Partners.

In short, the Walt Disney Company’s future looks bright. But the right people will not have the chance to act if the deceitful clowns at the helm are not dethroned post haste. Remember, in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, when Denethor succumbed to madness and, shrieking in cowardice, he abandoned his people to burn himself alive with his son Faramir at his feet? Michael’s not compiling a market report on the prices of lighter fluid anymore, he’s asking people for a light.

Folks, the Disney Artists, Imagineers, Animators and the Creatives of the World at large NEED YOU. The Disney cannon is filled with tales of little guys moving whole mountains when they stand up for what’s right. Your STORYTELLERS ARE DYING! Honor them by fighting for them.

Prove yourself worthy of the gifts the Disney Creatives have given you and generations of children the world over.

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