Everyone knows how Disney theme park characters are supposed to behave, right? They’re always supposed to be cute and non-threatening. To happily pose for your family’s photographs and/or cheerfully sign your children’s autographs books.
But what we members of the public often forget is that’s not really Mickey or Donald or Goofy standing there. But a real live human being inside of a heavy costume. Standing there in the Orlando humidity and/or the Anaheim heat. Always trying to deliver a top-notch performance, even though the Mouse probably pays these kids little more than minimum wage.
That’s certainly not a job that I could do. Not for any length of time, anyway. I mean, if I actually had to earn my living inside of one of those sweltering suits, barely being able to see out of the eyeholes, constantly being jostled by tourists … I just know that I’d eventually snap.
Obviously, it takes a very special sort of person to do this job. Someone who is sweet, kind, gentle, patient. Someone who keeps all of their anti-social urges in check … Until — of course — it’s time for the annual Entertainment Department banquet. And then all bets are off.
For years, it used to be a tradition among members of the “Zoo Crew” (I.E. Those Disneyland and WDW cast members who actually portray the costumed characters in the theme parks) to prepare a short film to be shown at their annual banquet. Something outrageous. Something outlandish. But mostly just something funny.
But — given that Walt Disney Company management has become increasingly P.C. over the past few years — this practice is now discouraged. Not just the making of the movie, but even the annual “Zoo Crew” banquet. Which — as you might imagine — hasn’t done a whole lot to improve cast member morale.
Happily however, many of the movies that were made for those earlier “Zoo Crew” banquets still survive And — every so often — cast members pull out these videos and screen them again. Just to remind themselves of what it was like to work for the Walt Disney Company in the good old days. Back when the Mouse could take a joke. Back when Disneyland and Walt Disney World cast members were actually allowed to laugh at themselves.
I recently attended a screening of several old Epcot Entertainment Department banquet films. My friend, J. (Who used to work at Disney World back in the mid-1990s. But hasn’t been back to Orlando in years) was nice enough to arrange for me. He called in a few favors and got the movies pulled out of the vault. And these cast-members-only films were every bit as outrageous as I’d heard that they were.
“Just how outrageous are they?” you ask. Well, let’s start with the short that showed this hapless Brazilian tour guide who — after blatantly disregarding that “Cast Members Only” sign on the door — bumbling backstage at Epcot. Clutching his little flag, the tour leader finds himself wandering around out behind the “American Adventure” show building at World Showcase. Looking off-screen, his eyes suddenly bulge with terror.
What is it that frightens this Brazilian tour guide? An angry mob of Disney costume characters — Minnie, Goofy, Chip, Friar Tuck, Prince John, the Sheriff of Nottingham, Roger Rabbit, Tigger and Pluto — racing toward him. The poor slob turns around and tries to go back the way he came. But the characters are too quick for him.
They then knock the Brazilian tour guide to the ground and immediately start pummeling him. It’s like the Rodney King tape, only with oversized rodents standing in for the LAPD. There’s this particular weird moment when — after giving this guy a particularly vicious kick to the ribs — Minnie turns toward the camera and mimes a giggle.
Okay. Now to someone who hasn’t ever worked at the Walt Disney World resort, the above short film may not sound all that funny. It may even come across as being cruel and disturbing. But if you WERE a WDW cast member in the mid-1990s and daily had to deal with those Brazilian tour groups (who were infamous for being obnoxious), this movie was comic justice. Served up hot and fresh.
Of course, not every one of these cast-member-only movies are this rude or outrageous. Some of the “Zoo Crew” banquet films are just short and silly. Like the one that shows Mickey in his scuba outfit swimming around in the tank at “The Living Seas.” As the “Jaws” theme begins playing ominously in the background, the film-maker quickly cuts back and forth between shots of the Mouse swimming toward the surface and footage of a nurse shark swimming around the tank. The end result is that the viewer is left with the distinct impression that Disney’s corporate symbol has become shark chow. Which is a cute but ultimately pretty innocuous gag.
But then there’s the stuff that’s just (there’s really no other way to describe it) bizarre. Like this one great little movie that shows what might happen if Beavis and Butthead were ever to visit Epcot.
How did these WDW cast members pull this movie off? With no absolutely make-up, masks or special effects. It’s just two really talented members of Epcot’s Entertainment Department who — just by the way they carry themselves and talk — do these spot-on impressions of Mike Judge’s classic cartoon characters.
So what do Beavis and Butthead actually do once they get to World Showcase? They somehow take a wrong turn as they’re trying to board “The Maelstrom” and wind up backstage. Where they find that long pink stretch limousine that used to play such a prominent part in Epcot’s “Magical World of Barbie” show. It’s parked out back behind the Norway pavilion … With the keys still in the ignition.
“Hey! Check it out, Butthead,” Beavis cries. “The keys are in it! The keys! The keys!” Beavis tries to scramble into the driver’s seat, only to be slapped aside by Butthead. Who says “No, Butthole. I’m driving!”
The next thing you know, Beavis and Butthead have started up that limo. And they’re taking this 60 foot long vehicle out for a joy ride on Epcot’s perimeter road. Swerving back and forth across the double yellow line. Driving up onto the grass. Nearly hitting traffic signs. Doing just what these two disreputable teens used to do on their cartoon series on MTV. Which is be socially irresponsible.
Some of the other Epcot banquet films that I saw were obviously made by WDW cast members with pretty dark senses of humor. Take — for instance — the “60 Minutes” parody, “Mission: Statement.” Which featured investigative reporter Victor Hugo grilling Mr. X and Mr. Y. Accusing these two allegedly mysterious figures ” … of poaching our forest friends” in order to get creatures for Disney World’s next theme park, the soon-to-be-opening Animal Kingdom.
Of course, what made this particular film funny is that — even though they were being filmed in shadow, as if their identities were deliberately being hidden — Mr. X and Mr. Y were obviously Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. And the hidden camera footage that Hugo screened that supposedly showed these two criminal masterminds at work showed Dum and Dee driving around backstage at Epcot aboard one of those double-decker buses.
As they’re rolling around the perimeter of the theme park (To the old “Captain Kangaroo” theme, by the way), Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee spy a reindeer (You know? One of those seasonal character costumes that you only see as part of Disney’s annual holiday festivities?) frolicking in the forest right alongside the roadside. So Dee and Dum pull their bus over. And then — each grabbing a club — they sneak up behind the deer.
The next thing you know, these two “Alice in Wonderland” characters have knocked the reindeer to the ground. And — after clubbing the animal into submission — they wrap the poor thing in duct tape. Then — after dragging the reindeer out of the forest and draping it over the hood of their bus — Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee drive home in triumph.
Sounds funny but kind of disturbing, doesn’t it? Well, wait ’til you hear what these two do to Winnie the Pooh … No, on second thought, let’s NOT talk about what Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee do to Pooh. No one out there wants to hear about how blood starts to gush out this “Silly Old Bear” ‘s eye sockets.
You see, that’s the problem of not being a WDW cast member and watching some of these movies. Sometimes the jokes are so out there and/or so inside that only the folks who actually worked in Epcot’s Entertainment Department would ever understand what a particular gag is in reference to.
Oh, sure. There’s some really broad, pretty obvious stuff in these movies. Like the cast-members-only film that was shot at Epcot’s Canadian pavilion early one morning. Long before the guests ever arrived at the park. It’s a movie that’s set to the “Just Around the Riverbend” number from the “Pocahontas” soundtrack. And it shows everyone’s favorite Native American princess doing some very un-Disney-like things. Like:
Chugging a can of Sprite, then nonchalantly tossing the empty container in the river.
Lugging a giant container marked “Toxic Waste” to the edge of the water, then dumping that into the river as well.
Smoking a joint.
Clearly mouthing the word “***” when John Smith opts to dump Pocahontas so that he can chase after a cute little Indian brave.
Speaking of unDisney Princess-like behavior, the high point (and/or low point. Depending on your point of view here) of this series of Epcot banquet films was a sleazy little movie called “Showcase Girls.” This one starts out with three strapping young men meeting up in a parking lot. These guys are clearly out for a night of fun. And — giving the wads of cash that the men keep waving around — they have the money necessary to make it happen.
So these three guys head up to the second floor in some building backstage at Epcot. They enter a darkly lit room and take their seats. And directly across from them — facing into the corner — is Alice from Disney’s “Alice in Wonderland.” Dressed in her classic blue dress and white knee socks. Her eyes downcast, her expression demure … Until the strip club music suddenly comes up.
This is when it immediately becomes apparent that the girl standing in the corner is no friend to the White Rabbit. White Trash, maybe. Snapping her gum like some high school ***, Alice whips around and — slowly lifting her skirt up — begins to dance.
Now let me stress here, folks, that this is not some woman dressed in a knock-off of Disney’s “Alice in Wonderland” costume. This is an actual WDW cast member wearing the very same outfit that she uses in the theme park. Showing lots of white panty as she gyrates about. The camera cuts away — every now and then — to show the boys in the front row, who are clearly loving this show. They hoot appreciably and wave their dollar bills about as Alice peels off her apron and tosses it at them.
Next up is Belle from Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast.” As she sits down in a backward facing chair, her legs spread wide but hidden beneath her trademark blue skirt, Belle slowly pulls her barrette out and lets her hair down. As the music builds, she sways to the beat.
Suddenly getting up and kicking the chair off to one side, it’s Belle — not the Beast — who reveals her animal-like nature. There’s a close-up of the hooting males again as her trademark blue dress comes flying off the stage and lands in their laps.
Following Belle is “The Fairest of Them All,” Snow White. As soon as she steps on stage, Ms. White takes off her cape and folds down her collar. With a dramatic flourish, Snow’s bright yellow skirt also comes flying off — revealing that the little princess is wearing a pair of apple red panties.
Last — but certainly not least — is a WDW cast member dressed as Princess Jasmine from Disney’s “Aladdin.” This section starts off with Jasmine still wearing the cloak that the Princess wore in the movie when she was trying to disguise herself as a peasant in the marketplace. But then that cloak gets ripped open … and we see that Jasmine seems to have left her harem pants back at the palace.
Needless to say, it IS funny to see Disney’s usually sweet and demure princesses acting in such an unladylike fashion. But — at the same time — there’s just no getting around the fact that “Showcase Girls,” though this cast-members-only movie may have admittedly started out as a parody, is still some pretty hot stuff, people. The very sort of thing that dirty old Disney fans would give their left arm to see. Which is why it’s probably wise for Epcot’s Entertainment Department to keep this particular cast-member-only film stashed away in the vault. Under lock and key.
Mind you, it should be noted here that — at the very last second of “Showcase Girls” — that this film stops being sexy and goes for a gag. You see — as Jasmine rips open that cloak and reveals plenty of cleavage — she also smiles broadly. Which shows that she has one of her front teeth blacked out. The camera quickly turns to the guys in the front row, who now reel back in horror. As if they’re suddenly repulsed by the sight of the princess’ missing tooth.
But — given all the sexual stuff that came before this brief blackout gag — I’m afraid that that laugh may have been too little too late. After watching “Showcase Girls” … It’s really hard to know how exactly you’re supposed to feel. By that I mean: As an animation fan, I got the joke. As a red blooded American male, I also have to admit that I enjoyed watching pretty half-naked ladies dance about. But — as the father of a 9-year-old girl named Alice — I also felt incredibly creepy while I was watching this movie. As if I needed to go wash my eyeballs as soon as it was over.
But — then again — let’s remember that this “Showcase Girls” movie wasn’t intended to be seen by me. Or you either. This was a film that was put together by WDW cast members to entertain other WDW cast members. And who knows? Maybe after you’ve played a sticky sweet Disney Princess for too many months, it really is kind of funny and/or liberating to get to portray Snow White suddenly cutting loose at a strip club.
All in all, these Epcot banquet films that J. recently shared with me made for some pretty interesting viewing. I’m actually glad that I finally got to see them. Though I’m afraid that it may take me a couple of years of pretty intense therapy before I recover from seeing “Showcase Girls.”
I mean, the title character of Disney’s “Alice in Wonderland” cartoon doing a strip tease? Freud would have a field day.
Your thoughts?