Pop quiz: What is the #1 haunted attraction in America?

Wrong!

According to Haunt World Magazine (2002), the answer is Howl-O-Scream at Busch Gardens in Tampa Bay, Florida. At least, that’s what the advertising that has been blanketing Central Florida claims; I can’t find back issues of Haunt World, and there’s no mention of it on their website, so we’ll have to take their word for it.

Busch has been heavily advertising Howl-o-scream (HOS) to the Orlando market this season, positioning their event as an alternative to Universal’s heavily-attended Halloween Horror Nights (HHN). This surprised me, since I’d heard little buzz over the years about HOS. Certainly not enough to make it worth the hour-plus drive, especially when Universal’s HHN is right in my neighborhood. I must admit some bias, since I am a staff alumni of HHN, as readers of my last review know. But the claims of #1 status intrigued me enough to get me on I-4 last Thursday afternoon for a trip to Tampa.

And you know what? They were right!

Busch Gardens’ Howl-o-scream is not as slick or sophisticated as Universal’s event. But in all the important ways, it’s just as much fun, if not more. I had a fine time, and I’d recommend a visit to anyone in the area, as long as you go in with appropriate expectations.

But before I delve into my HOS experience, I’d like to share some thoughts from my return visit to Universal’s HHN. Readers of my earlier review will recall I visited on the first Sunday of the event, and had a great time. I judged it a significant improvement over last year’s event, and rated it a “B+”. Since I have a “Frequent Fear” pass (unlimited off-peak visits), I decided it was time for another look, since the event often changes during its run.

What I encountered on Wednesday evening made me rethink my recommendation of the event. I had assumed that a mid-week visit was my best chance for a low-attendance crowd. Boy, was I wrong. Even with a projected attendance of only 24,000, the park felt more crowded than I found comfortable. Walkways were constantly jammed, destroying any opportunities for walk-around scareactors. The one house I experienced had a 65 minute wait, and it was one of the less crowded houses. I would have considered the Express passes mandatory for first-time visitors on that night, which is probably why their price had been raised to $20. Without those Express passes, it would be impossible for a guest to see all 6 haunted houses before the 12am closing, let alone see shows or ride the roller coasters.

And this was only a Wednesday. I can’t fathom the disappointment of a guest paying full price for a Friday or Saturday night, discovering they’ve paid over $50 to fight maddening crowds and experience one or two attractions.

One thing I did enjoy was seeing the Lizardman. He performs in the Funhouse of Fear queue line, and is a genuine freak (he even has the word tattooed across his chest). He performs classic sideshow feats like sword swallowing, body manipulation, and blockhead tricks. Best of all, it does it with an engaging (and often crude) patter. This is what America is all about, kids, and it was the highlight of my visit.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of my second viewing of the Bill & Ted show. This is not one of the better editions of the show, and I may have been too kind in my first review. The big fight scene is so busy that you are distracted from the fact that the choreography is rather sloppy. Worse, the dancing is uninspired, and kills whatever comic momentum the show builds. People started fleeing the theater as soon and the dance number that occupies the last third of the show began. The friends I was with, first-time visitors to HHN, enjoyed the show, but I wanted to tell them about the sharp satire and big laughs from years past. And one of my favorite bits, involving a Disney cast member trying to deliver a safety spiel, has apparently been cut.

It was with all this in mind that I made the trip to Tampa the next afternoon. I arrived at 4:20 and entered the park a half hour before minutes before the 5pm closing. Once inside, I purchased a HOS upgrade pass ($21), and grabbed a map. Here is where you see the differences between Universal and Busch. Whereas Universal’s map is legible and informative, Busch’s is a mess. Entrances for houses are vague, there’s no indication of what rides are operational, and the scarezone locations aren’t labeled. One nice thing as the houses are given an “intensity” rating of one to five “skulls”, though I didn’t find that to directly correlate to the scariness of the attractions.

The employees weren’t much help either. While all the employees were polite, friendly, and competent at their particular task, they we’re very informed on basic details about the event. Questions to multiple staff members like “where is the nearest haunted house?” or “where am I on the map?” were repeatedly met with “I don’t know”.

For example, I saw a sign mentioning their “Fright Advantage” coupon booklets, similar to Universal’s Express booklets. I went hunting for them, and was bounced among 5 different shops in the main entrance plaza, the last one sending me back to the first. I finally went to guest services. The gentleman was kind enough to walk me to a shop, show me which line to stand in, and point out which staff member to speak to. When I got to the head of the line, I discovered the guy he had pointed out didn’t know what I was talking about, and sent me back to guest services.

At this point I read the flyer guest services had handed me, and just gave up looking for them all together. Universal’s booklets run $15-$20 on an off-peak night, and give you a coupon for every house, ride, and show in the park. Busch’s are $20 ($15 if bought in advance) but only give you front-of-the-line passes for 4 of the 6 houses. You also get a pass for one of the three roller coasters, and some modest discounts on concessions. As it turned out, there was no need for the booklet, and I never saw any being sold or used during the night.

I had just enough time before closing to ride Kumba a few times. This is the most underappreciated roller-coaster in Florida. Upstarts like Hulk and Kraken may get more buzz, and its park-mates Gwazi and Montu get more advertising play. But Kumba may be, second by second, the best of all of them. It doesn’t have Hulk’s dramatic takeoff, but you get a great view from the lift hill, and unlike Hulk it is intense and relentlessly paced from the first drop to the final brake run. It is perfectly integrated into the landscape, with tunnels and closely planted palms. I was able to ride three times before they kicked us off, and could have happily gone again. Gwazi, Montu, and most of the “spin & puke” rides were also open throughout the event, with modest waits. The roller coasters are some of the best in the country, and are well worth riding, especially in the dark.

At 5pm I discovered another big difference between Universal and Busch – how they handle the in-between guests. At Universal they treated like people who have spent a lot of money on both day and evening tickets (or valued annual passholders) deserve to, and are given perks. While they are necessarily confined to one area while the park is swept of day guests, they are given food, shopping, and attractions while they wait. More importantly, they are guaranteed early entry to at least one haunted house. This waiting period usually run less than 90 minutes.

Busch, on the other hand, shut down at 5pm with a vengeance. Those of us who were inside the “Timbuktu” area before 5pm were locked down with no food or drink to buy, no air conditioned place to sit, and no attractions operating. Just outside the entrance to the plaza we were trapped in was a crowd of other day-and-night guests who had been caught outside the neutral zone after 5pm. They were held standing in the sun, clutching their passes, waiting for someone or other to give the signal to allow them in. I know they were out there for at least half an hour, and for all I know they might still be there.

After exploring the architectural charms of the dormant Timbuktu plaza (total time: 6 minutes), I tried asking cast members if they had any idea when there would be anything for us to do or buy. “Nothing until 7:30” was the most popular answer, followed by a bored shrug. I finally found a manager who said there might be something open soon, but that all the houses and rides would be closed until 7:30.

Finally, after an hour of waiting, the area began to show signs of life. While the air-conditioned restaurant and larger snack bar remained closed, the smaller snack bar opened and was quickly swamped. Frightened by the look of the corn dogs, I went with the only other option, the slightly-less-scary chicken fingers. For my $10, I got a basket of limp fries, a small cup of lemonade so tart it made my eyes roll back, and the worst chicken fingers I’ve ever tasted. You couldn’t even buy a beer, which I think would be unconstitutional in an Anheuser-Busch park. Not a good way to start the evening, especially since Busch usually has the best food of all the major theme parks.

Finally, at 6:40pm, after an hour and 40 minutes sitting outside, the “Haunted Lighthouse” attraction opened. This “4D” movie, based to the kiddie-horror books by R. L. Stein, is housed in the former dolphin show arena. How they got a very good horror director (Joe Dante) and very funny actors (Christopher Lloyd, Michael McKean) to make a movie that wasn’t the least bit scary or funny is beyond me. This is a 22 minute waste of time that recycles every gag from every other 3D movie, does it badly, and then does it again until you’re bored. The 3D is weak, with a distracting shimmering effect, and isn’t as nearly as convincing as “Shrek 4D” or “Philharmagic.” The plot is thin and uninteresting, the adult actors are given nothing to do, and even Weird Al seems embarrassed. Worst of all, the water effects are unpleasantly overdone, and it’s no fun to tromp through haunted houses in damp clothes. This attraction made me long for Williamsburg’s departed “Haunts of the Olde Country”, which should give you an idea just how bad “Haunted Lighthouse” is.

Finally, at about quarter past 7, the haunted houses started opening up. There was no communication with the guests as to what was open or where we could go. I just discovered that the barrier to a house entrance had been removed. The attendant casually informed me that “everything” was now open, and that I could go in. In reality, the total time I was left waiting was less than 2 hours, and it didn’t kill me. But it bothered me to see such poor communication with guests. If nothing else, we were a captive audience that could have been marketed to. Universal recognizes that these guests will spend more and stay later if treated well, and I wish Busch had picked up on that. Most importantly, they need to train their employees to communicate effectively with guests, and give accurate and consistent information.

But you know what? All these minor gripes and distractions melted away once the event got rolling. After two hours of aggravation and boredom, I was in the perfect mood to criticize the rest of the evening, but I just had too much fun.

Haunted Houses

A Halloween event lives and dies by its haunted houses, and in this Busch does not disappoint. You need to know up front that the production values in the houses, like everything else in the park, are not up to the high standard that Universal sets. While the houses are all large, creative, and well-constructed, they are not nearly as elaborate or detailed. Artistic details of lighting, sound, and scenic decoration are noticeably less refined, though still effective. There are few of the special effects and mechanical gags that Universal does so well. Gore is less prominent (though neither attraction is particularly bloody) and the severed heads and mutilated bodies that are there are obviously store-bought. Makeup and masks on the actors are also less elaborate, though this is an area Universal has also slipped in the last few years. Overall, finer points of story and theming, while a cut above your local neighborhood haunted house, suffer in comparison to Universal’s bigger budget event.

To be honest, these aren’t deficits that the average visitor will ever notice. Haunted house connoisseurs will notice the cruder designs and less elaborate effects. The other 99% of guests will be too busy being scared. It seems Busch has taken some of the money that would have been spent on sets and props, and spent them on actors instead. Though their houses are, on average, about the same size as Universal’s, it felt like they were much more populated. A room that would have one scareactor at Universal had two or even three at Busch. I wasn’t able to make a scientific count, but the effect was a more constant barrage of live scares. Again, the actors might not be as elaborately made-up or thoroughly directed, but there are lots of them, and they perform with as much energy and enthusiasm as any at Universal.

The other difference from Universal that every guest will notice is even more important: Busch pulses. Universal’s HHN has become so popular that crowds overwhelm the houses, even on off-peak nights. Lines quickly exeede and hour, and the only way to keep them moving is to send a steady stream of guests though the houses. This destroys the sense of isolation that is key to effective scares.

Busch, on the other hand, is much better able to handle the smaller crowds that attend their event. The difference between the two parks was like night and day: while the crowds at Universal on Wednesday were so uncomfortable that I left after one house, Busch on Thursday felt practically empty. I was able to experience every house in the park (half of them twice), three shows, and a couple roller coasters, all before 10:30pm. None of the houses had more than a 15 minute wait during my visit, and most were much less.

Best of all, the smaller crowds allow Busch to pulse small groups through the houses, with brief gaps between groups. This makes for a much more intimate experience, and actors can time their scares better without fear of giving their position away to the next group. This alone elevates the houses above whatever budget limitations they might suffer from. As a guy who has worked in many a haunted house, the highest compliment I can give is to say that more than one of Busch’s actors “got” me, something I cannot say about my 2 trips to this year’s HHN.

Interestingly, several of Busch’s houses use very similar themes to HHN’s houses, so you can do an apples-to-apples comparison between the two events. Here is a brief summary of each house:

Tortured: This was the first house I visited, and the most generic. It is a fairly standard haunted dungeon, with the usual assortment of gothic torture devices. Lighting is poor, and there is no real sense of space, probably because the entire house is contained in the area usually used for the bumper cars. Still, the actors were well-hidden and aggressive, and there was no wait. The least of the houses, on the level of one you’d find in most towns this time of year. Grade: C

Ripper Row: This is more like it. Based loosely on Jack the Ripper, this house takes you through a series of Victorian London environments, from city streets to a barn (nice use of hay smell) to a park and a slaughterhouse. Simple but effective theming, some well-disguised boo-holes, and an energetic cast make this one a winner. The only thing that hurts it is being a little too short. Grade: B

Dark Heart’s Fear Fair: Like Universal’s “Funhouse of Fear”, this is a circus-themed house. Unlike Universal’s house, this one uses a wide variety of indoor and outdoor environments. It begins with a disorienting spinning tunnel, always a favorite of mine, and takes you though a series of freak sideshows and demented carnival games. There are mirror mazes, a strobe-lit shooting gallery, clowns on bungie cords, and even an opera performance. Best of all, there are multiple points at which the path diverges, with significant differences between the two sides, making this perfect for a second walk-though. Grade: A-

The Mortuary: Much like HHN’s “Screamhouse”, this is styled as a Southern gothic funeral home. A mortician/preacher regales the queue with a creepy revivalist patter, setting the mood perfectly. Inside is the usual succession of coffins, autopsy rooms, and crematoria, concluding in a trip through the underworld. Though not nearly as detailed as Universal’s version, it is a very large house with lots of effective scares and, again, a large and enthusiastic cast. Grade: A-

Escape From Insanity – Resident’s Revenge: This house is directly analogous to “PsychoScarapy”, the highlight of this year’s HHN, and nearly gives that house a run for it’s money. It doesn’t have the amazingly detailed sights (or smells) of Universal’s house, or it’s extremely creative actors. But it is just as effective in it’s own way, and exceptionally long. There are some great moments, like a hallway covered in bugs, and plenty of actors, including a very disturbing drag queen who greets you. The downfall of this house is that much of the final third feels unfinished. After a series of well-designed sets depicting the inside of an asylum, you come to a very long stretch of unthemed black hallways with no actors to speak of. Perhaps they ran out of budget, but it’s a shame that the excellence of the first part of the house is followed with such an uninspired finale. Grade: B+

Demented Dimensions: This house is also similar to HHN’s “Funhouse of Fear”, in that it combines bright colors, black light, and prismatic 3D glasses. It is also the most elaborate house scenically, with huge fluorescent murals covering every surface. This house will make you feel like you took the brown acid. It isn’t particularly scary, but it is trippier than anything this side of “The Cat in the Hat”, and a whole lot of fun. I only wish it could have been twice as long. Grade: B+

Scarezones: Universal themes each island at HHN with scenic pieces and scareactors. They are more successful in some islands (Jurassic Park, Toon Lagoon) than in others (Marvel, Seuss). Busch Gardens is far too large to theme every area, so instead they have designated 5 “scarezones”, much as Universal used to at USF. These scarezones are like miniature outdoors haunted houses, themed side paths that can be explored or avoided at the guest’s discretion. They combine set pieces, lighting, fog, and hidden actors to create some great scares (and photo ops). I especially liked the “Grisly Gardens” with moving shrubs and living statues, and the “Agony Express” filled with undead train conductors and tortured passengers. Grade: B

Shows

As a former employee (and current fan) of Universal’s entertainment department, it kills me to say this: Busch has them beat this year. HHN’s “Bill & Ted” show, once worth the price of admission by itself, has grown stale. Infestation is a waste of time, and is standing room only. The old days, when there would be an illusionist or hypnotist in one stadium and a musical revue at the main stage, are long gone. Busch, on the other hand, presents two fun (if corny) shows with comfortable seating, an amusing outdoor show, and a number of interactive DJs and street dancers. Like the houses, Busch’s shows don’t have Universal’s production values, and they’re not big on sophisticated satire or postmodern pop-culture deconstruction. What they do have is talented, enthusiastic performers, dance routines that don’t wear out their welcome, and a good dose of creepy-funny Halloween spirit.

“Eternal Reward”: This show is performed inside the air-conditioned Haunted Grill restaurant, so you can grab a sandwich and a beer while you watch the show. The plot is simple: four characters gather for the reading of the late relative’s will, and the audience decides which one is guilty of murdering the deceased. The black widow sings the “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago, the son does a boy-band medley, the mistress lip-synchs to some Britney, and the stoner uncle jams to some classic rock. In the end, the audience votes by applause for one of the four to be tastefully disembowled. The music is a mix of live singing and tracking, the dancing is Vegas-lite but energetic, and the show moves at a zippy pace. Bonus points for using a song from the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” musical. Grade: B+

“Fiends”: Dr. Freakinstein and Igor (“it’s pronounced Eye-gore”) build some monsters and throw a party in this song-and-dance answer to Universal’s Beetlejuice show. The characters are unlicensed, so the creature makeup is crude, the illusions are simple, and the jokes were old when Abbot and Costello were in vaudeville. But the dancers are athletic, the choreography is acrobatic, and the girls are great eye candy. Bonus points for gratuitous use of the “Time Warp”, along with a good mix of Motown, disco, and 80’s pop. Everyone on stage looks like they’re having a great time, and the audience was too. Grade: A-

“Theatre De La Morte”: This brief open-air show, performed near the “Escape from Insanity” house, is a “re-enactment” of an 18th century witch trial. After an over-long setup involving a flower girl hawking souvenirs, and warlock is dragged on stage and asked to recant his sins. The ensuing mayhem, involving a decapitation, resurrection, and disappearance, uses simple illusions and pyrotechnics. I found it amusing, especially the knot of teenagers behind me who seemed determined to create a “Rocky Horror” -style call-and-response to the show. Worth seeing if you’re nearby when the show is about to start. Grade: B-

Final Grades:

Universal’s HHN (revised grade after 2 visits): B
Busch Garden’s HOS: B+

Busch Gardens has done what I would have thought impossible – they beat Universal at their own game. For the most part, Universal is a victim of their own success. HHN has become so popular that the heavy crowds hurt the guest experience on all but the slowest nights. This is exacerbated by the move to IOA, which handles large crowds much less efficiently than USF did. All the elaborate decor and expensive effects in the houses mean nothing if you have to wait hours and hours to see them.

Busch, on the other hand, has the blessings of size and lower attendance. They might not have the Hollywood-quality scenic designs, but they have plenty of thrills and chills. Maybe in a few years, when word of mouth spreads, Busch’s HOS will become as overrun as HHN. Until then, it offers the better value for those in the area looking for tricks and treats. I’m just glad they’re both in my backyard, so I don’t have to choose!