9:30 a.m. EST … Welcome to the Winter that will NOT end.

Here we are, supposedly weeks away from the start of Spring. And yet — up here in the woods of New Hampshire — we’re about to get plastered with yet another snowstorm. The third this week. The second in 12 hours!

Photo by Nancy Stadler

And — given that this one is supposed to drop 9-14 inches on us — I guess that pretty much derails any plans that Nancy and I may have had for this Saturday. Which originally involved driving down to Massachusetts and doing a birthday brunch with my parents. And then continuing on down to Connecticut to catch a screening of “Robots” with Jeff & Flo Lange.

That sounds like a fun Saturday, don’t you think? Well, that ain’t gonna happen now. Which sort of sucks.

But — on the other hand — given that I’m almost certain to be snowed in today … I guess that this finally gives me the incentive that I needed to get started on plowing through that huge pile of books, DVDs and CDs that people have sent me to review. So I guess I’ll go park my carcass on the couch and have myself a good old fashioned media binge.

“And what — pray tell — is a media binge?,” you ask. Well … Have you ever found yourself watching something on television. But the show that you’re watching isn’t all that involving. So — as you’re watching the tube — you pick up a magazine and begin paging through it.

Then the phone rings. So you mute the television, get up off the couch and — magazine in hand — walk over to the phone. This incoming call turns out to be from a friend of yours who knows no short stories. So — as they’re yacking away — you sit down at your computer and fire that up. Just so you can check your e-mail while you’re talking with your pal.

Let’s pause here for a moment so that you can get a real sense of what’s actually going on here. You’re talking on the phone at the same time as you’re firing up your computer. But — because that’s going to take a moment or two — you turn around in your chair to see if something interesting is happening on the muted television. But nothing is. So you glance back down at your magazine.

Do you see what’s actually going on here, folks? You’re media multi-tasking. You’re piling stimuli on top of stimuli on top of stimuli on top of stimuli. Because — as they say down in Texas — “Too much ain’t enough.” In short, you’re media binging.

Of course, there are other ways to media binge. Like — say, for example — watching all three of Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” films (and we’re talking the extended DVD versions here) in one sitting. Or arriving at a Disney theme park just as it opens for the day and not leaving the place until you’ve experienced every single ride, show, parade and attraction. Sometimes twice.

We’re talking about extreme stimulation of the pleasure / information-processing centers of your brain. The sort of thing that my old friend, Eric Craven, and I would experience ‘way back in the late 1980s when we’d go to our local multiplex and not leave until we’d seen every single new release.

I know, I know. That sort of thing might sound kind of crazy to some of you people. But — me personally — I find it kind of exhilarating to suddenly have a lot of new information thrust at me. To struggle to take it all in, make sure that I don’t miss a thing … But — at the same time — just enjoy the simple pleasure of experiencing something new.

That’s a media binge, my friend. Something I hope you experience sometimes while you’re here at JHM. Reading a story that suddenly gives you a whole new insight into one of your favorite films and/or Disney theme park attraction …

Speaking of binge-ing … If I’m really gonna get started on cranking out all of these reviews, I guess I’d best get started collecting up all of my loose media …

Give me a couple of minutes, okay? I promise that I’ll be right back …

11 a.m. EST — Okay. Slight pause there while I made Nancy some breakfast. The snow is really beginning to pile up out there. I think we’ve already got 4 or 5 inches out on the deck. And the storm isn’t due to wind down for another 4 or 5 hours yet. *Sigh* …

Photo by Nancy Stadler

Anyway … Let’s get back to those reviews, shall we? I thought that I might start by throwing a new CD stereo which (hopefully) would feature some motivated-to-get-writing music. Unfortunately, my first choice — Ari Hest’s “Someone to Tell” — wasn’t quite what I was looking for.

Don’t get me wrong. Singer / songwriter Hest does a fine job with this, his third album. Ari has a nice voice — which shifts almost effortlessly from this low, raspy baritone to a free-floating falsetto. And there are a couple of really great songs on this CD. With “When Everything Seems Wrong,” “Strangers Again” and “A Fond Farewell” coming across as particularly strong cuts.

But you have to understand that I’m already trapped inside a house on a snowy Saturday. If I listen to too much heartfelt material right now, I’ll probably just wind up in a depressed funk on the couch. Wondering why I lost touch with various old girl friends.

And I really can’t afford that right now. I’m a fat guy from the suburbs who’s already in a happy, committed relationship. So I don’t need to be listening to any music that could help kick start a mid-life crisis.

So let’s see what else we have in the pile here … Ah … The soundtrack to “Be Cool.” This John Travolta film actually did okay last weekend at the multiplexes, coming in second to Disney’s “The Pacifier” in the box office derby. It’s a sequel to the 1995 film, “Get Shorty.” And — based on the cast (I.E. Travolta, Uma Thurman, James Woods, Danny Devito, Cedric the Entertainer, Vince Vaughn & Harvey Keitel) as well as the fact that this film is based on an Elmore Leonard novel — “Be Cool” looks like it might be fun to go check out.

But as for the film’s soundtrack … Ai-yi-yi … Again, there are a couple of cuts here that are legitimately entertaining. Like Christina Milian’s performances of “Believer” and “Ain’t No Reason.” And — while I don’t know if the word “entertaining” actually applies here — The Rock singing that old Loretta Lynn classic “You Ain’t Woman Enough (To Take My Man)” certainly is memorable.

By my problem with the “Be Cool” soundtrack is that there’s music from the 1970s on this CD. Songs like Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Fantasy,” “Kool and the Gang’s “Hollywood Swinging” and Sonny & Cher’s “A Cowboy’s Work is Never Done.” And — having actually lived through the 1970s — I have absolutely no desire to ever go back there again.

Mind you, I’m not one of those people who insists that the 1970s were the cultural low point in U.S. history. After all, the first “Star Wars” film came out in that decade. As did both of the “Godfather” films. And “The Rescuers.” So it wasn’t like that entire 10 year span was a waste of time.

I mean, there were even a few fun things to watch on TV back then. Like the “NBC Sunday Night Mystery” movie whenever a new “Columbo” came on.

I don’t know about you, but I just loved watching Peter Falk go through his paces in those old TV movies. The rumpled raincoat, the cigar, that old beat-up car and the bassett hound. And — of course — the old “Oh, just one more thing.” That seemingly innocuous question that Columbo would always ask that would eventually come around and bite the villain square in the butt.

That’s why I was so pleased to see that Universal Home Entertainment has finally begun releasing these old “Columbo” TV movies on DVD. Season One went on sale back in September of last year. And Season Two became available for purchase earlier this week. So maybe that’s how I’ll spend the rest of this snowy afternoon. Watching Peter Falk outwit Ray Milland, Leonard Nimoy, Robert Culp and/or John Cassavetes.

Or — better yet — I could watch Volume Three of “SCTV.” Arguably the best late night comedy to ever air on television, “SCTV” had a killer cast — the late, great John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin. Catherine O’Hara, Dave Thomas, Rick Moranis, Martin Short and Harold Ramis — as well as some of the cleverest writing that was ever done for the tube.

By that I mean: I defy someone to sit down and watch SCTV’s parody of “The Godfather,” which substitutes Flaherty’s Guy Cabalerro for Marlon Brando’s Don Corleone, and not laugh. This epic length sketch goes beat-by-beat through the Francis Ford Coppola movie, wittily sending up each & every aspect of this film masterpiece.

Now — while the third “SCTV DVD set (which just became available for purchase last week) doesn’t include anything quite as impressive as that “Godfather” parody — it’s still awfully entertaining. It features such wonderful episodes as “Battle of the PBS Stars” as well as Martin Short’s first appearances on the program.

This DVD’s extra features aren’t all that shabby either. They include a John Candy profile as well as the cast’s 1997 reunion at the Museum of Television and Radio. Plus some interesting commentary tracks by Flaherty, Short as well as SCTV staff writers Paul Flaherty, Mike Short and *** Blassuci. Which offer some real insight as to how this ground-breaking late night comedy ultimately came together.

Ah, decisions, decisions. Do I go with “Columbo” or “SCTV”? Give me a moment here …

1:30 P.M. EST — Okay. It’s official. It’s really getting bad out here. The snow’s coming down so thick and so fast that we actually lost our satellite feed for a while there. I had to mush on out into the yard & scrape all the snow out of the dish before our signal finally came back up.

Photo by Nancy Stadler

So now Nancy’s on the couch, watching “Smuckers Stars on Ice.” And — since she’s currently got dibs on the TV — I thought that I might try reading a book. But which one …

Mind you, I guess I could re-read James B. Stewart’s “DisneyWar.” But — to be honest — I didn’t enjoy it all that much the first time I read it.

Why for? Because — to put it bluntly — it’s kind of a mess. It’s like Stewart couldn’t decide which sort of book he really wanted to write (I.E. A first person volume that takes you behind-the-scenes at the Magic Kingdom, an omniscient boardroom expose and/or a blow-by-blow account of the “Save Disney” battle & the Mike Ovitz trial), so he wrote all three.

So what James ultimately ended up with was a book that lurches all over the place,  that radically shifts in style and tone depending on which chapter you’re reading. More importantly, because this story isn’t over yet, “DisneyWar” doesn’t really have an ending.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some interesting tidbits scattered among its 572 pages. Like how Disney CEO Michael Eisner hoped to convince John Lasetter and the rest of the crew at Pixar to continue on with the Mouse by offering that studio its very own Disney princess movie to produce, “The Snow Queen.” Or Johnny Depp’s battles with Disney Studio execs about how Capt. Jack Sparrow should be portrayed in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie.

But — beyond that — “DisneyWar” ‘s pickings are pretty slim. Given all the hoopla surrounding the release of this Simon & Shuster volume (I.E. How the publishers pushed up the book’s release date by three weeks) as well as the fact that Stewart won a Pulitzer Prize for his reporting on the stock market back in 1988, I was honestly expecting a lot more here.

You wanna read a really good book about the inner workings of the Walt Disney Company? Then go pick up a copy of Edward Jay Epstein’s “The Big Picture.” This Random House release blows the lid off of the way the Mouse makes movies.

By that I mean: I don’t know how Epstein ever got access to some of the numbers that he uses in this book. But — for the first time ever (That I can recall, anyway) — we actually get a real accounting of how the money flows in Hollywood. How much goes to the stars, how much is spent on publicity & marketing, how much the studios actually use overseas.

For Disney fans, what’s particularly fascinating about “The Big Picture” is that — as its main example of Tinseltown’s skewed version of book-keeping — it uses Touchstone Pictures’ June 2000 release, “Gone in 60 Seconds.” Which — while this Nicholas Cage film was touted in that year’s annual report as being a financial success — the truth of the matter is that this movie (which grossed over $242 million worldwide) was on Disney’s books as having actually  lost over $160 million.

Epstein walks you through all of the numbers associated with the production of “Gone in 60 Seconds.” Its $103.3 million negative cost (I.E. The money the Mouse actually spent to make this movie), the $13 million spent on duping prints of the picture, the $67.4 million that was blown on advertising the film  … Which finally gives one a real sense of what costs what out west.

For those of you who love well-researched Hollywood histories, books that actually deliver on what they promise … Well, my advice is to skip “DisneyWar” (Or — at the very least — wait ’til the thing comes out in paperback) and pick up a copy of “The Big Picture: The New Logic of Money and Power in Hollywood.” Epstein’s book will really open your eyes.

Whereas Stewart’s book? I have to admit that I found my eyelids drooping while I read the first 150 pages or so of “DisneyWar.” I mean, was it really necessary to recap how Walt & Roy founded the company and/or how Eisner came to power? Particularly when these very same subjects have already been so exhaustively covered in Bob Thomas’ “Walt Disney: An American Original,” John Taylor’s “Storming the Magic Kingdom,” Ron Grover’s “The Disney Touch” and Kim Masters’ “The Keys to the Kingdom.”

Sorry if I’m coming across as kind of cranky here. But I really wanted “DisneyWar” to be a good read. And — to be honest — it just didn’t deliver the goods. At least for me.

Now, if you’re looking for something that really takes you behind-the-scenes at the Mouse House, a publication that tells you how that Disney magic is actually made … Then I suggest that you pick up a copy of the March 2005 issue of “Genii: The Conjuror’s Magazine.” This month’s issue of this snazzy publication has an article by Brian Sibley entitled “A Spoonful of Magic.” Which details how Jim Steinmeyer came up with a number of the illusions featured in the stage version of “Mary Poppins.”

Plus — if you’re someone like me who enjoys learning about the craft of performing — then you probably should put “Genii” to your “Must Read” list. For this monthly regularly features a fascinating array of articles. Everything from magic history as well as what’s going on in the industry today. All in all, “Genii” is definitely worth a look-see.

Speaking of look-see … Let me take a peek outside and see what’s going on with the storm … 

3:30 P.M. EST — Man, it’s still coming down out there. The weatherman said that it would be winding down by 3 o’clock. But — to be honest — this storm isn’t showing any sign of stopping.

Photo by Nancy Stadler

Okay. Nancy’s finally finished watching her ice skating show. Which means that I can once again take command of the media center. So what should I throw into the DVD player?

“The Incredibles” is awfully tempting. Not only is that Brad Bird film supremely entertaining, but Buena Vista Home Entertainment has really outdone itself with all the extras that it crammed onto this 2-disc set.

I mean — all by itself — the alternate opening for “The Incredibles” is worth the entire price of the DVD. Even though this sequence is still in storyboard form, it’s still ridiculously entertaining. Hell, I’ve seen finished full-length films that weren’t as much as much fun as this 20-minute deleted scene is.

Then there are “The Incredibles” commentary tracks. The one with Brad and the film’s producer, John Walker, is particularly illuminating. It was actually recorded weeks before “The Incredibles” was released to great acclaim. Which is why it’s kind of funny to hear Bird’s snide aside to Walker: “Yeah, we’re going to be the ones that break Pixar’s winning streak.”

But then Frank & Ollie’s cameo comes on screen. And then you learn that — the night before Brad & John recorded their commentary track — that Frank Thomas had just passed away at the age of 92. And it’s actually kind of touching to hear Bird struggle to find just the right words to try & pay tribute to this Disney legend. His friend & mentor.

Yeah, “The Incredibles” is one fascinating flick. A CG tour de force … Would that I could say the same about the other item that I have beside my DVD player: The “Special Collector’s Edition” of “Scourge of Worlds.”

To be fair, this “Dungeons & Dragons” product isn’t a movie in the truest sense of the word. But — rather — an interactive DVD adventure that promises “.. six possible endings! Over 1100 possible story paths.”

Well, I just spent an hour or so clicking my way through “Scourge of Worlds.” And — to be honest — it was kind of enjoyable.

Mind you, I’m no whiz when it comes to game playing. It seemed like — no matter what choice I made — Regdar, the human warrior; Lidda, the halfling; and Mialee, the elven wizard — wound up dying. But the game/movie moved along at a good clip. And I liked the fact that the people who put together this DVD understood that “D & D” games have a somewhat campy quality. So they played this up in the characters’ dialogue.

I mean, when was the last time you heard dialogue like this in a swords & sorcery-filled environment: “Screw those guys. We don’t need them,” “You want some cheese with that whine?” or “I’ll wear your ass as a hat.”

Obviously, “Scourge of Worlds” is not intended for younger viewers. Speaking of viewing: The 2-disc edition of this “Dungeons & Dragons” interactive features a linear version of the movie that you can watch as well as galleries full of character concept art.

If you’re an old “D & D” fan who wants to relive what it was like to bash some orcs without actually breaking out your dice … Well, it seems to me that “Scourge of Worlds” might be just what you’re looking for.

Man, it’s getting dark out there. What I wouldn’t give to have a little ray of sun to break on through all that gloom …

Ray! That’s it. That’s what will break the blue mood in the house right now. A little Ray Charles. 

Thankfully, I have copies of both of the “Ray” CDs  (I.E. The original motion picture soundtrack as well as the “More Music from ‘Ray’ recording) on hand. So I’ll just throw those disks in,  hit “Random” and then …

Ahhhh … Now I really don’t care how much snow falls outside. Not when I can sit & bask in the glory that is Ray Charles. The original soundtrack album features 17 absolutely killer tracks like “Georgia on My Mind,” “Hit the Road, Jack” and “You Don’t Know Me.” While the “More Music from ‘Ray'” features some more specialized items like “Makin’ Whoopee” and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside …”

And speaking of it being cold outside … Maybe I should take a look at how the storm is doing …

Photo by Nancy Stadler

5:00 P.M. EST — Well, it finally appears to be winding down. By that I mean: Instead of a lot of big flakes, we’re now getting just a bunch of little flakes. (Which sort of reminds me of the last Hill family reunion I attended. But I digress …)

Speaking of flakey, I just got an e-mail from a JHM reader who asked me to help promote his petition. Which calls for Cartoon Network to stop airing its newest “Adult Swim” show, “Robot Chicken.”

“And why does this weenie wanna shut down ‘Robot Chicken’?,” you ask. Because back on March 1st, this 15-minute long stop-action sketch comedy presented a skit which featured Walt Disney. Or should I say Walt’s severed head. Which was then kept alive by grafting it onto the body of a crab-like robot. Which then could only stay alive if it consumed the flesh of young Cuban children.

Now I can understand how a premise like that might offend hardcore Disney fans. But here’s my problem. I actually saw the show that this guy was complaining about. And that “Robo-Disney” sketch that he was talking about? Yes, it was offensive. But it was also really, really funny.

You see, that’s the beauty of “Robot Chicken.” It’s an equal opportunity offender. One moment, it might be making fun of Walt Disney. The next, it’s showing what happened when the unicorns, dragons & cyclops all showed up too late to get on Noah’s ark. Then — after that — it’s using the Transformers to demonstrate what can happen if you don’t get your prostate regularly checked.

Yes, the show’s jokes is sometimes crude. The guys who put together “Robot Chicken” clearly love knee-to-the-crotch humor. But — that said — there’s no denying that it’s also a real kick to see action figures (some of which are likenesses of well-known celebrities) acting in very unexpected ways.

Speaking of celebrities … “Robot Chicken” ‘s vocal cast is pretty impressive as well. Just last week, Burt Reynolds, Dom Deluise and the entire cast of “That 70’s Show” lent their voices to several skits on the show. So — if only for the increasingly bizarre cameos — “Robot Chicken” is well worth checking out.

So — if you’re approached by some Disney dweebs asking you to sign a petition to shut down this Cartoon Network show (All because of one skit that showed a Walt-cyborg lusting after the flesh of Elian Gonzalez) — don’t sign. At least not until you’ve checked out the show first. Then you’ll see that — yes — “Robot Chicken” is offensive. But it is also really, really funny.

Okay. If non-stop stop-action crotch jokes aren’t really your style but you’d still like something fun to watch on Sunday night … Well, I’ve been hearing some fairly nice things about “Jake in Progress.”

I know, I know. ABC has been pushing this new John Stamos sitcom very hard. Those “Jake in Progress” promos seem like they’re airing every hour on the hour. And — over the next five days — the show will air four times (twice on Sunday at 9 & 9:30 p.m. and twice on Thursday at 8 & 8:30 p.m.).

But the good news is … The first couple of episodes of “Jake” are actually supposed to be pretty funny. More to the point, given that Stamos is backed up one of the better supporting cast on television today (I.E. Wendie Malick, Ian Gomez and Rick Hoffman), this show has a better than average chance of developing into something  special.

So — if you deliberately want to ignore “Jake” during its first week on the air because of all the hype — that’s okay. Just remember that “Jake in Progress” settles into its regular Thursday-nights-at-8-p.m. slot starting next week. You can check the show out then.

Photo by Nancy Stadler

6:30 p.m. EST — Speaking of checking things out: I’ve just taken another look outside. It appears that the snow has almost stopped. 

Which is why the cats seem so eager to get outside and eat … er … “meet” their little forest friends. Until — of course (As you can see by the photo above) — they step off the deck and immediately disappear into a snowdrift.

So I guess that’s my cue to pull the plug on “Le Plug” for tonight and head outside to start shoveling.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this semi-live experiment here at JHM. Where I tried to clear through a pile of promotional material without being too obnoxious about it.

By that I mean: I wasn’t too obnoxious … Was I? If so, let me know, okay?

That’s it for now. I’ll see you folks again on Monday, alright?

jrh