Theme Parks & Themed Entertainment

To Hurl or Not to Hurl: A Second Opinion on “Mission: Space” — Part III

In the conclusion of his three part series, a slightly hungover Seth Kubersky braves Epcot’s newest thrill ride. Soooo … how did JHM’s newest columnist feel once he returned to Future World?

Published

22 years ago

August 10, 2003

Seth Kubersky

Okay. Let’s begin our pre-flight check:

Massively hyped new high-tech thrill attraction? Check.
Budget-limited underthemed queue line? Check.
Repeated apocalyptic safety warnings? Check.
Scientifically calibrated Jagermeister hangover? Check.

We have liftoff!

As the launch sequence of “Mission: Space” begins, you’re likely to think to yourself “hey, this isn’t so bad.” The initial acceleration is surprisingly gentle. If you are expecting an Incredible Hulk-like kick in the seat of the pants, you may at first find yourself wondering where the thrill is. But in a few seconds all such thoughts will be erased as you are gradually pinned to your seat by the mounting G-forces.

Here’s how to simulate the Mission: Space experience at home:

1) Find a cheap motel with a vibrating “magic fingers” bed.

2) Throw in some quarters and lie down flat on your back.

3) Have a large person (approx. 3 times your weight) slowly lie on your chest.

By the time the ride reaches full launch velocity, you will be the proud recipient of an instant facelift. The sensation of your skin being pulled tauter than Katherine Helmond’s in “Brazil” is unique and quite enjoyable. You will also feel the pressure in your throat and chest, and may briefly have difficulty swallowing. It is not, however, the “pit of your stomach” feeling that causes many people discomfort on roller coasters and freefall rides.

Despite my lingering hangover, I was suffering no real discomfort during the launch. No matter how many times I ride, this sequence remains a genuine rush. You get a sense of immense power and velocity without the violent shaking or spinning that comes with most thrill rides. The radius of the centrifuge is relatively large, and as the capsule is enclosed, so you have no external point of reference. Therefore, as long as you stay seated with your head back, you have no awareness that you are spinning.

At this point, I decided to push my science experiment to its logical conclusion. Even in my debilitated state, I was suffering no ill effects from the ride. But what if I ignored the safety instructions that they’d drilled into our heads? Was I truly willing to risk my life and health (and the clothing of my crewmates) in the name of science? You betcha!

Kids, don’t try this at home.

Do it at a friend’s house.

As the launch acceleration reached its peak, I lifted my head from the headrest. I leaned as far forward as the restraints would allow. And I swung my head from left to right, looking from side to side. Repeatedly. Exactly the way they tell you not to.

For a brief moment, this was almost a very bad idea. Tilting your head seems to make your inner ear instantly aware of the ride’s spinning. The sensation you experience doing this is immediate and powerful vertigo. Imagine sticking your head out the window of a speeding car, or leaning over the edge of a tall building. It’s a dizzying and disorienting experience. But it is not the thrill-ride equivalent of sticking your finger down your throat. I managed to lean back into my seat without doing the Technicolor yawn, and as soon as I did the vertigo disappeared.

As the blue sky beyond the cockpit dissolves into the blackness of space, you transition into the “zero-G” portion of the ride. For me, this is the most intriguing and most disappointing moment in the ride. Roller-coaster junkies know that high-G inversions and hairpins are fun, but airtime is life. We thrill for that brief moment of weightlessness you get cresting a hill. Rides like “Tower of Terror” and “Doctor Doom’s Fearfall” focus on giving us as much space between our butt and the seat as possible.

“Mission: Space” promised to raise the bar on airtime by giving us a few moments of “simulated” deep-space weightlessness. Instead, we get a bit of a cheat. What happens is that the centrifuge rapidly decelerates as the launch sequence ends. The massive pressure pinning you to your seat is released, and inertia pulls you slightly forward against the restraints. The psychological effect of this deceleration is a brief instant of a floating feeling. However, there is no genuine airtime, as your rear remains firmly attached to your seat. Perhaps if the cabin had been designed to invert you would get a truer sensation of weightlessness. I’m sure that would raise the upchuck factor by a power of 10, so we’ll just have to make do with what we get.

The moment of pseudo-zero-G is followed by the slingshot around the moon, which is nearly as intense as the launch. Then comes “hypersleep,” which is simply few seconds of quiet and darkness. Hypersleep is broken by sirens and flashing lights alerting you to an asteroid field. As the centrifuge accelerates the cabin pitches and rolls to simulate your ship swerving among the rocks. This sequence is about as dynamic as Star Tours, with the addition of G-forces less powerful than the launch. The movement, like everything in the ride, is smooth and well coordinated to the video. It is certainly less taxing than “Back to the Future” or “Body Wars.”

In the interest of scientific completeness, I repeated my head-leaning experiment during all the high-intensity segments of the ride. Again, you get a brief head-rush, but nothing as nauseating as the warnings might suggest. Try as I might, I was unable to give myself anything worse than a short spell of dizziness.

I should note that throughout the ride you will be asked to participate in the ride’s “interactive” feature. Each crewmember will have two tasks to perform. One of the two lights in front of you will light up, and Gary will tell you to push the button. If you do, there will be a brief sound effect. If not, a computer voice will announce a “computer override.” Either way, there will be absolutely no effect on your ride or its ending. You will get no particular praise or condemnation based on your performance. Every mission is successful, even if you deliberately fail in your button pushing. There isn’t even a score provided so that you can judge how well you did.

The final section of the ride begins with the decent into Mars’ atmosphere, similar to the launch and slingshot, followed by a gently swooping ride through the canals. Again, the movement is smoother and less jarring than most simulators. During this segment, you will be asked to grab the vibrating joystick (is that appropriate for a Disney ride?) and follow Gary’s instructions (“Left! Left! Pull up! Pull up!) Like the buttons, there is no punishment or reward for playing with your stick (yeah, that sounds pretty bad too). In fact, I’ve grown fond of pulling the stick in the opposite direction, just to see if I can cause a crash. No luck yet.

The ride ends in an all-too-familiar “near miss,” much like “Star Tours” and “Back to the Future.” You get a round of applause from Gary and his mission control cohorts. He invites you to proceed to the “advanced training lab,” and the screens slide back and the restraints release. Guests stumble out of their capsules and are herded down an unglamorous corridor towards the postshow area.

So, I survived. I determined, based on my non-double-blind single-sample experiment, that it is possible to ride “Mission: Space” while hung over without losing your lunch. The only close call came when I lifted my head from the headrest, and that discomfort was short-lived. My headache and stiff joints were still there, but the adrenaline rush of the ride was quite invigorating. Rather than feeling sick, I was ready to go another round.

At this point I conducted an unrepresentative, unscientific survey. Basically, I bugged every person coming off the ride to tell me how he or she felt. Reactions ranged from delight and enthusiasm to mild shakiness. Pre-teen kids seems the most excited, many bouncing up and down asking to go again. Their middle-aged soccer moms typically said “Once was enough,” but did it with a smile on their faces. I even saw a few grandparents who really seemed to get a kick out of the ride.

In several trips through the attraction, I only encountered one girl who did not enjoy her trip into space. She was a British tourist who was lined up in the pod next to mine. She was extremely nervous waiting for the ride, and the safety warnings seemed to agitate her more. It took constant reassurance from her family to get her into the capsule. Despite all this, she conceded that the ride was not as bad as a roller coaster, and she didn’t need to rush to the bathroom or collapse in the corner. I suspect a drink of water and a few minutes rest will cure the majority of ill effects caused by the ride.

I also cornered some ride attendants and quizzed them about the upchuck factor. All the CMs I asked said they’ve been averaging only one or two in-ride accidents per day. Some days go by with no puking whatsoever. This is comparable to other thrill rides and simulators. It is significantly less than the original version of “Body Wars,” which probably holds the title as Disney’s all-time vomit king.

As I said, this survey is based on too small a sample to be scientifically representative. But I expect these results to be consistent for most riders. Remember, your mileage may vary. If you are unusually susceptible to motion sickness, you probably won’t enjoy this ride. People with low blood pressure may have trouble handling the high G-forces (my ex-wife used to black out on the hairpin turns in “Kumba”). But if you can handle most simulators and modest coasters, you can probably handle “Mission: Space” just fine. Even people who typically don’t enjoy large coasters or rides like the Teacups might be surprised how well they can handle it. As long as you can remain calm and approach the experience with a positive, relaxed attitude, the ride should be well worth your time.

On my last trip though the attraction, I experienced the side effects of one of these rare ill guests. I was in the ready room, Gary had just finished his spiel on the overhead monitors, and we were waiting for the door to the curving corridor to open. After a few moments wait, the door behind us opened. A chipper CM informed us that due to “technical difficulties” we would be restaged in another ready room. One row at a time we were led across the room to the opposite ready room and lined back up on our numbers.

“Protein spill?” I asked.

“Yup, something like that,” the CM chuckled.

“How often do you have to do this?”

“First one today.”

Apparently, when there is a mishap they briefly shut down the affected bay for cleaning and restage the guests to another centrifuge. If the spill is minor they can clean it and get the bay ready by the next cycle. If there is a bigger mess, they can seal that particular capsule, allowing the rest of the cabins on that centrifuge to be used until there is time to disinfect. The cabin interiors are obviously designed to make this cleaning as efficient as possible.

Mission: Space Race, the centerpiece of the postshow,
brought to you by Chuck E. Cheese.

Once you’ve disembarked the ride and proceeded down the exit corridor, you arrive at the “Advanced Training Lab.” Remember Gary’s numerous mentions of the mission control training you will receive? See the colorful signs overhead advertising the “Mission: Space Race” experience that awaits? Expecting an interactive postshow on the scale of the classic Kodak ImageWorks, or Seabase Alpha? Or even the AT&T Global Village? Well, forget about it.

Instead, we get a modest-sized room with the aesthetic décor of your local mall’s video arcade. To the left is a Chuck E. Cheese-style gerbil maze for the kiddies, a simple “find the lost astronaut” video game that would get laughed off your Xbox, and a kiosk for sending email postcards. To the right is the centerpiece of the postshow, a large group game called “Mission: Space.” At the front of the room, 4 players per team play “pilots,” matching colored balls to “trouble spots” on a spaceship schematic. The rest of the team uses their “mission controller” computer consoles to generate the colored balls by pressing buttons.

C’mon kids, you can play your Playstation at home.

It’s like a very simple cross between Simon and Tetris, without being as much fun as either one. The results of the “race” are projected overhead. The results of the game are always suspiciously close, with both teams coming in within a point or two of each other every time. My personal best score as a “mission controller” is 24 points, but there isn’t enough replayability to make it worth waiting in line for more than once.

Beyond the disappointing postshow is the inevitable gift shop. In fact, the shop gets as much (if not slightly more) square footage as the postshow, which tells you something about Disney’s priorities these days. The good news is there isn’t much plush. The bad news is that the ride-specific merchandise is uninspiring, and much of the shelf space is taken up by junk that you can find in any mall.

Cheap crap! We gottcha cheap crap here!

So, what can we conclude from this rather long-winded tour of “Mission: Space?” What advice do I have for the weak of spirit (or stomach) who want to reach for the stars?

1) Relax. The ride is intense and unique, but it isn’t a medieval torture device. If you can handle most simulators and roller coasters, you can handle this. Even if the teacups make you toss your scones, you may be surprised at well you survive “Mission: Space.” Your own anxiousness is your worst enemy, so don’t get yourself too worked up over the safety warnings.

2) Keep your head back and your eyes front. Failure to do so isn’t a recipe for instant disaster, but it will make your head spin. As long as you stay properly seated, you won’t be aware of the spinning, only gravitational pressure, and you are unlikely to get disoriented.

3) Don’t sweat the button pushing. If you want to play along with the “interactive” element of the ride, go ahead. But if you don’t, you won’t be missing a thing. This isn’t “Men in Black;” there’s no such thing as a good or bad ending. If you are the kind of person who panics under pressure, and worries that you’re going to “fail” the ride, chill out and ignore Gary’s directives. It won’t make a bit of difference in the end.

4) Lower your expectations. If you are expecting a ride that blends the Disney tradition of seamless storytelling with amazing technology, you may be a bit let down when you only get half the equation. Instead, expect an amazing technological demonstration, with just enough theming to get the job done.

Disney took out a full-page advertisement (disguised as a news article) in this past Sunday’s Orlando Sentinel. In the ad, they repeatedly refer to “Mission: Space” as an “E-Ticket.” I have read other sources where they refer to it as the “first F-Ticket ride.”

The thrill of “Mission: Space” is genuine, intense, and original. It is something that you won’t find at your local Six Flags.

But, to my mind, it takes more than exceptional thrills to make an E-Ticket. It requires a great story that has a beginning, middle, and end. It requires attention to the small details that you only discover after dozens of rides. It requires an immersive environment that flows seamlessly from the queue to the preshow to the exit.

“Splash Mountain” is an E-Ticket. So is “Tower of Terror,” the last true E-Ticket thrill ride built at WDW. “Killamanjaro Safaris” is an E-Ticket, but a scenic one in the tradition of the “Jungle Cruise” rather than a thrill ride. “Spiderman” is certainly an E-Ticket, perhaps the first F-Ticket, but the “Hulk Coaster” is not, despite its impressive launch.

“Mission: Space,” by this standard, is not a full E-Ticket. Call it an E-Minus or D-Plus. A more consistent storyline, follow-through on the promised interactivity, and a better queue and postshow would push it over the top. Maybe if a clone is built in Tokyo they’ll give it the budget needed to use this amazing new technology to its fullest storytelling potential.

Until then, I’ll be happily getting my G-force fix, and bringing along something to read in the queue.

Television & Shows

The Untold Story of Super Soap Weekend at Disney-MGM Studios: How Daytime TV Took Over the Parks

Published

3 weeks ago

April 24, 2025

Jim Hill

Super Soap Weekends at Disney-MGM Studios

A long time ago in a galaxy that … Well, to be honest, wasn’t all that far away. This was down in Florida after all. But if you traveled to the WDW Resort, you could then experience “Star Wars Weekends.” Which ran seasonally at Disney’s Hollywood Studios Disney World from 1997 to 2015.

Mind you, what most folks don’t remember is the annual event that effectively plowed the road for “Star Wars Weekends.” Which was “Super Soap Weekend.” That seasonal offering — which allowed ABC soap fans to get up-close with their favorite performers from “All My Children,” “General Hospital,” “One Life to Live” and “Port Charles” — debuted at that same theme park the year previous (1996).

So how did this weekend-long celebration of daytime drama (which drew tens of thousands of people to Orlando every Fall for 15 years straight) come to be?

Michael Eisner’s Daytime TV Origins and a Theme Park Vision

Super Soap Weekend was the brainchild of then-Disney CEO Michael Eisner. His career in media began with short stints at NBC and CBS, but it truly took off in 1964 when he joined ABC as the assistant to Leonard Goldberg, who was the network’s national programming director at the time.

Eisner quickly advanced through the ranks. By 1971, he had become Vice President of Daytime Programming at ABC. That meant he was on the scene when One Life to Live joined the lineup in July 1968 and when All My Children made its debut in January 1970. Even after being promoted to Senior Vice President of Prime Time Programming in 1976, Eisner stayed close to the daytime division and often recruited standout soap talent for ABC’s primetime shows.

Fast forward nearly two decades to July 31, 1995. The Walt Disney Company announced that it would acquire ABC/Cap Cities in a $19 billion deal. Although the acquisition wasn’t finalized until February 1996, Eisner was already thinking ahead. He wanted to use the stars of All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital to draw people to Disney’s theme parks.

He had seen how individual soap stars were drawing huge mall crowds across America since the late 1970s. Now he wanted to bring dozens of them together for something much bigger.

Super Soap Weekend Takes Over Disney-MGM Studios

The very first Super Soap Weekend was announced in June 1996, just a few months after the ABC deal closed. The event was scheduled for October 19 and 20 at Disney-MGM Studios and was a massive success.

The weekend featured panel discussions, autograph sessions, and photo opportunities with the stars of ABC’s daytime dramas. Thousands of fans packed the park for the chance to meet their favorite actors. Due to the overwhelming response, the event became an annual tradition and was eventually moved to Veterans Day weekend each November to better accommodate attendees.

Longtime fans like Nancy Stadler, her mom Mary, and their close friend Angela Ragno returned year after year, making the event a personal tradition and building lifelong memories.

West Coast Events and the ABC Soap Opera Bistro

Disney even tried to recreate the event out west. Two Super Soap Weekends were held at Disneyland Resort, one in April 2002 and another in June 2003.

At Disney’s California Adventure, Eisner also introduced the ABC Soap Opera Bistro, a themed dining experience that opened in February 2001. Guests could dine inside recreated sets from shows like General Hospital and All My Children, including Kelly’s Diner and the Chandler Mansion. The Bistro closed in November 2002, but for fans, it offered a rare opportunity to step into the world of their favorite soaps.

SOAPnet, Port Charles, and the Expansion of Daytime TV at Disney

Eisner’s enthusiasm for soaps extended beyond the parks. In January 2000, he launched SOAPnet, a cable channel dedicated to prime time replays of ABC’s daytime dramas.

During his time at Disney, General Hospital also received a spin-off series titled Port Charles, which aired from June 1997 to October 2003. The show leaned into supernatural plotlines and was another example of Eisner’s commitment to evolving and expanding the soap genre.

The Final Curtain for Super Soap Weekend

In September 2005, Eisner stepped down after 21 years as head of The Walt Disney Company. Bob Iger, who had previously served as President of ABC and Chief Operating Officer of ABC/Cap Cities, took over as CEO. While Iger had deep ABC credentials, he didn’t share Eisner’s passion for daytime television.

In the fall of 2008, Disney hosted the final Super Soap Weekend at what was then still called Disney-MGM Studios. That same year, the park was rebranded as Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and Disney began shifting away from television-focused experiences.

Within the next five years, the rest of Eisner’s soap legacy faded. One Life to Live was canceled in January 2012. SOAPnet was rebranded as Disney Junior in February 2013. Later that year, All My Children ended its 41-year run on ABC.

Only General Hospital remains on the network today, the last standing soap from the golden age of ABC Daytime.

A New Chapter for Daytime TV and Super Soap Fans

The soap genre may have faded from its former glory, but it’s not gone. On February 24, 2025, CBS premiered a brand-new daytime drama called Beyond the Gates, marking the first new soap launch in years.

Meanwhile, All My Children alum Kelly Ripa has been actively working on a revival. In September 2024, she mentioned a holiday-themed movie set in Pine Valley that would bring back many original cast members. The project was in development for Lifetime, though its current status is unclear.

And what about Super Soap? Fans like Nancy and Angela still hope Disney will bring it back. Even if it only featured the cast of General Hospital, it would be a welcome return for longtime viewers who miss that one weekend a year where the magic of Disney collided with the drama of daytime TV.

If you want to hear firsthand what it was like to be part of Super Soap Weekend, be sure to listen to our I Want That Too podcast interview with actor Colin Egglesfield. He shares behind-the-scenes memories from his days as Josh Madden on All My Children and what it meant to be part of one of the most unique fan events in Disney park history.

History

The Super Bowl & Disney: The Untold Story Behind ‘I’m Going to Disneyland!’

Published

3 months ago

February 6, 2025

Jim Hill

One of the highlights of the Super Bowl isn’t just the game itself—it’s the moment when the winning quarterback turns to the camera and exclaims, “I’m going to Disney World!” This now-iconic phrase has been a staple of post-game celebrations for decades. But where did this tradition begin? Surprisingly, it didn’t originate in a stadium but at a dinner table in 1987, in a conversation involving Michael Eisner, George Lucas, and aviation pioneers Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager.

The Unlikely Beginning of a Marketing Sensation

To understand the origins of this campaign, we have to go back to December 1986, when the Rutan Voyager became the first aircraft to fly around the world without stopping or refueling. Pilots Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager completed the nine-day journey on December 23, 1986, flying over 26,000 miles before landing at Edwards Air Force Base. Their historic achievement earned them national recognition, and just days later, President Ronald Reagan awarded them the Presidential Citizen Medal at the White House.

Meanwhile, Disney was gearing up for the grand opening of Star Tours at Disneyland, set for January 12, 1987. Following its usual playbook of associating major theme park attractions with real-world pioneers, Disney’s PR team invited astronauts Gordon Cooper and Deke Slayton to the launch event. But in a twist, they also invited Rutan and Yeager, who were still making headlines.

A Dinner Conversation That Changed Advertising Forever

After the Star Tours opening ceremony, a private dinner was held with Disney CEO Michael Eisner, George Lucas, and Eisner’s wife, Jane. During the meal, Eisner asked Rutan and Yeager, “You just made history. You traveled non-stop around the planet on a plane without ever refueling. How are you ever going to top that, career-wise? What are you two gonna do next?”

Without hesitation, Jeana Yeager replied, “Well, after being cramped inside that tiny plane for nine days, I’m just glad to be anywhere else. And even though you folks were nice enough to fly us here, invite us to your party… Well, as soon as we finish eating, I’m gonna go over to the Park and ride some rides. I’m going to Disneyland.”

Jane Eisner immediately recognized the power of Yeager’s statement. On the car ride home, she turned to Michael and said, “That’s a great slogan. I think you should use that to promote the theme parks.” Like many husbands, Michael initially dismissed the idea, but Jane persisted. Eventually, Eisner relented and pitched it to his team.

The Super Bowl Connection

With Super Bowl XXI just around the corner, Disney’s PR team saw an opportunity. The game was set for January 25, 1987, at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena—just miles from Disney Studios. What if they convinced the winning quarterback to say, “I’m going to Disneyland” live on-air?

Disney quickly struck a deal with both quarterbacks—Phil Simms of the New York Giants and John Elway of the Denver Broncos—offering each $75,000 to deliver the line if their team won. Simms led the Giants to victory, making history as the first athlete to say, “I’m going to Disney World!” on national television.

A Marketing Triumph

That year’s Super Bowl had the second-highest viewership in television history, with 87 million people watching Simms say the famous line. The next day, Disney turned the clip into a national commercial, cementing the phrase as a marketing goldmine.

Since then, “I’m going to Disneyland” (or Disney World, depending on the commercial) has been a staple of championship celebrations, spanning the NFL, NBA, and even the Olympics. What started as a casual remark at dinner became one of the most successful advertising campaigns in history.

A Lasting Legacy

Jane Eisner’s keen instinct and Disney’s ability to act quickly on a great idea created a tradition that continues to captivate audiences. The “I’m going to Disneyland” campaign remains a testament to the power of spontaneous inspiration and smart marketing, proving that sometimes, the best ideas come from the most unexpected places.

To learn more about Disney’s ties to the world of sports, check out I Want That Too: A Disney History and Consumer Product Podcast.

Television & Shows

How the Creators of South Park Tricked A-List Celebrities to Roast Universal – “Your Studio & You”

Published

4 months ago

January 12, 2025

Jim Hill

Universal Studios has a rich and storied history, but few moments are as peculiar—and as hilariously cutting—as the creation of Your Studio & You. This 14-minute parody film, commissioned in 1995 to celebrate Universal’s new ownership under Seagram’s, brings together an all-star cast, biting humor, and the unmistakable comedic fingerprints of Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

Long before South Park debuted on Comedy Central in 1997, Stone and Parker were already carving out a reputation for their irreverent style, and Your Studio & You perfectly encapsulates their knack for turning even the most corporate project into something delightfully subversive.

Matt Stone & Trey Parker Before South Park

Stone & Parker were already known out in Hollywood as funny guys. Thanks largely to “The Spirit of Christmas,” which was this video greeting card that they’d crafted for a Fox executive – who then distributed this infamously funny thing (which had Our Lord Jesus Christ & Santa Claus literally duking it out for the holiday affections of Cartman, Kenny, Stan & Kyle) to friends & family.

This was the early 1990s. No internet. Each copy of “The Spirit of Christmas” was made on VHS tape and then mailed. Went viral the old-fashioned way. It’s rumored that George Clooney made over 300 copies of “The Spirit of Christmas” and passed these VHS taps along to friends and family.

Things didn’t move as fast as they do today. “The Spirit of Christmas” still became a sensation out West.

Zucker Brothers

Matt & Trey also had other supporters in the entertainment industry. Among them David Zucker, who was one of the members of ZAZ (i.e., Zucker Abrahams Zucker), the talented trio that made “Airplane!” in 1980, “Top Secret!” in 1984 and the three “Naked Gun” movies.

The original “Naked Gun” in 1988
“Naked Gun 2 & 1/2 : The Smell of Fear” in 1991
and “Naked Gun 33 & a 1/3: The Final Insult” in 1994

All five of these parody films had been made for Paramount Pictures. But in the Late Winter / Early Spring of 1995, Universal had persuaded the Zucker Brothers to come over and set up shop in a bungalow on their lower lot. With the hope that – at some point further on down the line – David & his brother Jerry would start making funny films for Universal.

Zucker Brothers featured in "Your Studio and You"

And it’s during this same window of time (We’re now talking April of 1995) that news breaks that Seagrams (Yep, the adult beverage company. Who – at the time – was making an absolute fortune on the sales of wine coolers) was about to buy a majority stake in MCAUniversal. We’re talking control of 80% of that company’s stock. Which would effectively make Seagrams the new owners of Universal Studios.

Edgar Bronfman

And Edgar Bronfman – the owner of Seagrams – knew that Universal had had a tough time with its previous owners – which had been the Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. of Japan. Matsushita had bought MCA back in November of 1990 for $7.5 billion but had never really understood the entertainment industry.

This is why – after repeatedly butting heads with Lew Wasserman & Sidney Sheinberg (i.e., the heads of Universal Studios & the Universal theme park respectively) when it came to creative control of this company – Matsushita decided to wash it hands of the entire enterprise. Agreeing to sell their holdings in MCA to Seagrams for $5.7 billion (effectively taking a nearly $2 billion loss on this investment).

And Bronfman … He knew that some bad feeling had developed between Hollywood’s creative community and the Japanese owners of Universal. The thinking was that executives at Matsushita Electric had just not gotten what it took to make movies & TV shows.

And Edgar? Right from the get-go, he wanted to show that Seagrams was NOT going to be Matsushita Electric Redux. Bronfman was looking for a way to send a clear message to Hollywood’s creative community that Universal’s new owners got it. That they were willing to work with Hollywood to make the best possible movies & TV shows at Universal.

And how did Edgar decide to get this message across? By making a funny movie.

Zucker Commissions Trey Parker for “Your Studio & You”

Mind you, Bronfman himself didn’t make this film. The owner of Seagrams reached out to David Zucker. Who – after initially agreeing to produce this introduction-to-Universal film – then farmed out the production of the actual project to Trey Parker. Who – just two days before shooting was supposed to star on the Universal Lot – persuaded Matt Stone to come help him on this project.

Which brings us to “Your Studio and You.” Which is a parody of an educational film from the 1950s, right down to being shot in black & white and featuring a very generic soundtrack.

Now what’s amazing about watching “Your Studio and You” today is that this 14-minute-long film features some of the biggest names working in Hollywood back in the mid-1990s. We’re talking about people like recent Golden Globe winner Demi Moore, Sylvester Stallone, Michael J. Fox and Angela Lansbury. Not to mention two of the most powerful men in all of Hollywood, Steven Spielberg & Jeffrey Katzenberg.

And what’s especially interesting about watch “Your Studio and You” is that – as you watch these performers go through their paces in this motion pictures (which – most of the time – involves doing some innocuous task while holding a Seagram’s wine cooler) – you often get the feeling that this star is not in on the gag.

So how did Matt & Trey get away with this? Simple. There was never actually a script for “Your Studio and You.”

Filming “Your Studio & You” at Universal Studios Hollywood

Mind you, David Zucker would always insist that there was. Especially when he’d phone up celebrities on the Universal Lot and say “Hey, I’m sending over a couple of college kids later today. They’re working with me on a new parody film. It’s something that we’re doing for the new owners of Universal. I need just a half hour of your time. We’re shooting something special for the party we’ll be holding when the Seagrams people first arrive at the Studio. Absolutely. You’ll definitely get an invite to that party. So can I count on you to help these kids out? Beautiful. They’ll be over there later this morning.”

And then Matt & Trey would show up and say “… Dang, Miss Lansbury. We’re sorry. We must have left our copy of the ‘Your Studio and You’ script back in our office. Which is clear on the other side of the Lot. So – rather than waste your time – why don’t we do this instead? Follow us over to the Psycho House. Where we’re then going to get footage of you painting the front porch on Mother Bates’ house while you say ‘Gosh, with all of the wonderful improvements going on around here, everyone is going to want to work at Universal.’ Oh, and can we also get you to wear this button on the front of your blazer which reads ‘Universal is A-OK’ ? “

And over & over again, the biggest names who were working for Universal at that time took part in the production of “Your Studio & You” because A) David Zucker vouched for Matt Stone & Trey Parker and B) this was something that was being made for the new owners of Universal. And it’s just natural to want to get in good with the new boss.

Steven Spielberg, Jeffery Katzenberg, and Jaws

But no one at Universal anticipated that “Your Studio & You” would wind up being as sharp edged as the finished product turned out to be. I mean, it’s one thing to bite the hand that feeds you. But “Your Studio & You” ? It doesn’t just bite the hand. It takes the hand off at the wrist.

It’s a brutally funny film. With one of the meanest moments reserved for Steven Spielberg, who plays a driver on the Universal Studio Tour who’s trying to persuade a tram full of bored tourists (one of whom is played by Jeffery Katzenberg) that the “Shark Attack” scene down by Jaws Lagoon is actually exciting.

Spielberg actually says lines like “ … Whoa, whoa. What is going on here? Ladies and gentlemen, this never happens. Look out! It’s a shark! Whoa, that is one big scary shark.”

Mind you, as footage of this mechanical shark repeatedly coming up out of the water is shown, “Your Studio & You” ‘s off-screen narrator (who is voiced by Trey Parker says):

“But what about tomorrow? If we don’t keep in step with the times, things that were once neat and thrilling can become old and stupid.”

“Your Studio & You” Reception

This film was supposed to be shown only once at the welcoming party for Seagrams executive on the Universal Lot. And I’m told that – when Edgar Bronfman saw the finished product at that party – he reportedly turned to David Zucker and said “ … That’s a little more mean-spirited that I think it needed to be.”

And with that, “Your Studio & You” was supposed to go back into the Universal vault, never to be seen again. But when “South Park” debuted on Comedy Central in August of 1997 and then became a sensation for its biting humor, there was suddenly a lot of interest in what else Matt & Trey had done. Which is why copies of “The Spirit of Christmas” began to circulate. And – over time – copies of “Your Studio & You” began to bubble up.

Which – as Stone & Parker have repeatedly pointed out – was just not supposed to happen. Largely because none of the celebrities who appeared in “Your Studio & You” had never signed releases for Universal’s legal department. Because – again – this was for a movie that was only going to be shown once at a private function on the Universal Lot.

Matt mentioned (as part of a career retrospective at the Paley Center in LA back in 2000) that “ … they wouldn’t even let us keep a copy of the finished film.”

It’s a funny but brutal movie. And worth taking a look at today especially if you’re a theme park history buff because it shows Universal Studios Hollywood’s “Jurassic Park: The Ride” still under construction on the Lower Lot. That attraction would finally open to the public in June of 1996.

“Your Studio & You” became a lot easier to see after Seagrams sold off its share of Universal to Vivendi in 2000. Copies began propagating online after that. Though Universal Legal will periodically make an effort to get the latest copy of “Your Studio & You” taken off the Internet because – again – none of the performers who appear on camera ever signed the proper releases and/or were paid for their efforts.

That said, if you’re up for a mean-spirited laugh, “Your Studio & You” is well worth 14 minutes of your time. That said, once you watch this thing, be warned: